Political Humor

I love the smell of liberal desperation in the morning. And when it comes to climate change they are pulling out all the stops.

Bolivia gave up pushing drugs and now peddles Earth Rights.

UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country…

…That document speaks of the country’s natural resources as “blessings,” and grants the Earth a series of specific rights that include rights to life, water and clean air; the right to repair livelihoods affected by human activities; and the right to be free from pollution.

Is Raid banned?

Do I get arrested for murder if I accidentally run over a squirrel that ran out in front of my car?

If someone is breaking a lot of wind will they have to pay a methane discharge fee?

And if I step on grass am I trampling on my lawn’s right to exist and be free from the soles of human intervention?

Oh it gets better…

It also establishes a Ministry of Mother Earth, and provides the planet with an ombudsman whose job is to hear nature’s complaints as voiced by activist and other groups, including the state.

There is no truth to the rumor Al Gore already submitted his application.

I’m kind of disappointed they did not call it the Ministry of Gaia or perhaps Silly Walks.

h/t Heritage Blog.

Perhaps you have heard of the Global Warming SuperHeroes, the website that spews the same AGW beliefs as the rest of those on the left. But they do it with a cutesy premise of comic book characters.

First off, I am disappointed in Gaia Girl. Usually the female super heroes show more cleavage. And what’s up with Flash Carbon? His package is aimed at GG and he’s winking at us. Are we to imply he scored?

I suspect the logo is not what it appears to be. Les can you help me out here?

Les: How’s that?

Oooh nice. It is missing something though.

Les: How about now? Gore looks like ten pounds of carbon stuffed into a 5 pound sack.

Indeed. That is perfect and the EPA acronym is fitting.

Look out world, here come the Global Warming SuperZeroes! The future of humanity depends on them?

“God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat” -Henry Louis Mencken, 1880-1956

I heard this adage many years ago, and all but forgot it. Recently I heard it again, and it got me thinking. While I don’t believe God would ever lower himself to be a part of any political party -they all seem rather ungodly to me- Santa is a Democrat fits.

Consider this:

Take Santa out of the red suit, put him in sandals, torn Levis, and a tie-dyed T-shirt, whatcha  got? Hum? An ancient, long-haired, bearded, clay pipe smokin’ hippie. That’s what. Doesn’t sound like any Republican I know. Maybe a few Libertarians…

He eats cookies, drinks milk (that we’re expected to provide for him, on the same day every year. Can you say April 15th all over again?) and gives candy to little kids who sit on his lap. Have you ever heard of Santa sitting down to slab of  beef and a beer? Or maybe a juicy hamburger and fries? Me either, and what about that candy thing? It’s down-right Un-American, more than a little creepy and smacks of veganism. Very Democratic, I’d say.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Wow, Obamacare.

Claus uses religion -by calling himself  Saint Nick- but never will you hear him mention the baby Jesus. In fact, in many places he’s institutionally substituted for Jesus. Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ.

He has no visible means of support. This leads me to believe Santa’s funded by looting programs like Social Security.  So, it’s our money. Then he brings us “gifts” telling us it’s “free”. And what do we get? Crap we don’t want, can’t use, wears-out quickly and always ends-up costing a lot more than “free”. Does he ever ask if we want his “gifts”? Noooo, but we’re expected to be grateful and except ‘em with smiles on our faces. Another name for gifts, is pork.  Santa hates the Jews.

Santa Claus and his “elves” wear disguises, run a huge operation from a secret site, and make toys. If Santa was a Reaganite, he’d be making weapons. That’s how you get Peace on Earth.

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus -The Killers

Which reminds me, if anyone’s interested in the location to the Military Industrial Complex, I’m selling it to the highest bidder. To prove I can be generous, I’ll donate a full 10% to the Undocumented Democrats Voter’s League.

If you were bad this year, who but an enviro-mental Dem, would give you their most hated substance on the planet -coal?  If Santa was conservative, you’d get a copy of a Michael Moore film instead.

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. If that’s not Orwell’s Big Brother, what is? Don’t even get me started on the Naught and Nice List.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus -Hello, Bill Clinton.

Like George Soros, The Claus shelters his money offshore. Santa has never filed a tax return in the U.S..  He makes Little Timmy Geithner look like an amateur, and makes me sick.

While your kids are sleeping, all snug in their beds, Santa’s creeping around your house, without a warrant.

Then there’s the Al Gore connection. Santa Claus flies around the world, in his private aircraft, espousing the virtues of  non-fossil fuel transportation.  I’m here to tell you, reindeer crap impacting your poinsettias from 15,000 feet ain’t earth friendly.

Next we’re going to be told, being Santa is patriotic, and if we’re not Santa-like, we’re anti-charity, elf-o-phobic, and we hate fat people. Global warming has to be stopped, or Santa won’t have anyplace to live. Christmas will disappear. We have to do it for the children.

If  this overwhelming abundance of evidence still doesn’t convince you that Santa Claus is a Democrat, then you’re obviously a Democrat. As such, there’s almost no hope for you. But take heart in your belief that Santa is real, and free stuff really does mean free. Despite how much it will hurt your eyes to read this, Merry Christmas.

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” -Henry Louis Mencken