Political Humor

I believe that we can all agree that Climate Change is happening. Growing up in Southern California, I can see how folks there could be deceived. I was. With only two seasons -summer and not summer- it could be confusing.

But now that I’ve lived in such diverse places as Texas, Louisiana, Alaska, Korea and Germany, I’ve come around, I see that it’s true. I’m now a believer in climate change.

Here in Central Oregon we get a lot of it. But with global warming accumulating and melting -almost daily now- I find that I’m at peace with my world.

How could this be? I own a four wheel drive truck, two other cars and have a wood burning stove.

It’s easy.

I’ve listened to the wise advise of Al Gore and his minions, and live in a forest. That’s right, this is the second house I’ve owned with trees. Lots and lots of trees. So that means I’ve purchased carbon offsets. I live a completely guilt free life. I’m having zero impact on CO2 levels. Why, I even have plants inside my house.

President Obama has tremendous respect for the environment- very little for human life, but a lot for the planet. He takes a Big Picture view. He’s going to lead the world into a greener future. I’m sure he picked-up a majority of this information from the Internet, which brings us back to Gore.

If Big Brother Al can live -enviro-mentally friendly- in a home the size of Versailles and fly around the world in his own private Space Shuttle -all by planting a few trees or investing his money in wind farms and such- then I’m totally in the clear with this administration.

Al Gore has shown me that being Carbon Neutral is the way to go. He has no negative impact on the amount of CO2 released into the atmosphere. But then again, he has no positive impact either. He’s neutral, which equals a big, fat zero. So hey Al, thanks for nothing!

I’d like to ask just one, little thing. Since I’m such a wonderful person for doing my part, get off my back, all of you self-righteous pricks, who live in cities and blog at Starbuck’s, complaining about how “Other People” need to do more.

I would suggest you shut your liberal college educated pie holes, before you end up on some list

Cities are the leading cause of pollution and green house gasses. Get rid of the places like LA, Las Vegas, New York and San Francisco and we go a long way toward “solving” this “crisis”. Sorry, if that means all you moonbat, bleeding hearts, hug a polar bear types got to go too. It shouldn’t be a problem since you believe in Shared Sacrifice for the Greater Good.

And if you see flaws in my reasoning, and think you’re so much smarter then me, remember, it’s the intellectuals that go first, When kom da revolution. I would suggest you shut your liberal, college educated pie holes, before you end up on a list.

But until you can grow a pair and do the right thin,g by offing yourselves, here’s three ways you can lessen you impact.

Boycott night games: Sports used to be played in the daylight. Demand that your local teams decrease their energy consumption and carbon emissions by playing while you’re at work. This will have a two-fold beneficial effect. First, think of the great, positive impact this will have by not using all those lights. And secondly, there’ll be far fewer people using their cars to get to those games. Taking it a step further, just boycott the games themselves. They’re simply a way to line the pockets of large corporations that are owned by rich, white men, and besides, they exploit minorities.

Why quit there? Boycott all products and services from all corporations. You’re already doing that for Walmart, right? I mean, why stop with just baseball, football and basketball? If it’s good enough them… Let’s face facts. Corporations are the devil and you’re righteous, and so you must shun the works of the evil one.

The third way you can help, shows the true extent of the malevolence nature of the wickedness that is CO2 poisoning. Please, I beg you, don’t purchase or consume any product containing CO2. Every time you crack a cold one, you’re destroying the polar ice caps. If you go to a BBQ that uses anything other than solar cookers and serves beverages stiffer than Kool-aide, you’re a vicious, murdering son of a bitch.

Finally, you’ll reach a point where you will understand that the very act of breathing is a violation of nature. Now you’re ready to truly be involved in Shared Sacrifice for the Common Good.

I know there has to be a lot more really well thought out suggestions on how to save the planet from Climate Change. Got a better idea or two? There’s a comment box just waiting to be filled to the brim with your wisdom. You’ll be doing your part to help assauge the guilt of the left.

JumpOut, Fashion Editor for Conservative Political Humor and Satire by Radioactive Liberty and *known Frenchie, tried to send All American Ace Reporter, Les James to find out, just what’s behind Obama’s Big Green Balls. Seeing right through that sophomoric maneuver, Les never the less did uncover some interesting information on the first of two large, “green” Presidential Inauguration Balls, which is slated for the 20th of this month. He files this report.

For the fashion world, green is in this year. Everyone who is anyone will be wearing it. This exciting trend surged a few months ago, when veteran statesman John McCain lost to the completely green, Barack Obama.

John was seen wearing a lovely shade of envy for several weeks after the election, while many conservatives were sporting a luscious hue of mal de mer.

Setting a fine example for us all, the new President will take a giant step backwards

Jumping in with both of his climate neutral feet, Mr. Green himself, AL Gore will be hosting The Green Ball: Inauguration of a New Green Economy. Al has spared no expense in making this the most marvelously earth friendly Inauguration Ball ever.

He has chartered 18 private and commercial passenger jets to fly hundreds of thousands of miles between now and the Big Night.  They are winging between DC and far-flung destinations gathering biospherically amicable  treasures, to ensure only low carbon footprint cuisine, beverages and decor are displayed at this Global Warming defeating event. Isn’t that just the most?

There will be hand-woven grass baskets, for the fortunate few who will attend this once in a lifetime event, filled with oodles of delightful gifts from those far-off and exotic places.

Carbon offset credits are to be given to every wealth, eco-conscious guest who arrives in a limo or who flies in on their private jet- which should be just about everyone. Oh, goose bumps.

The Obamas will be stylishly blending the old with the new for their transportation needs. Setting a fine example for us all, the new President will take a giant step backwards.

A fleet of factory custom, horse-drawn Lincoln Navigators will be arriving at the Obama’s new residence, as soon as the White House stables are completed. Until then -and just in time for this monumental event- zero emission modifications have been made to some of the existing Presidential motorcade vehicles.

Special commemorative programs are going to be handed out, made from re-cycled Lehman Brothers shares, which will feature glow in the dark printing so they can be read under the low wattage lighting. The ink is produced from the secretions of an endangered slug, only found deep in the Amazonian rain forest, and the program is completely biodegradable!

Al is even including anti-convulsives into every basket, to ensure that none of the beautiful people seizes during the celebration -from the pulsating compact florescent light bulbs. Here’s a guy who really shows he cares and knows that it’s not easy being green.

Hang on to you berets, it only gets better! Watch-out fashionistas, the yummy first couple are going to be wearing FGHF (Fabulously Green High Fashion) to the Green Ball, designed by none other than that haute couture maestro, Franco Le Frogg. Le Frogg, best known for his French Hippie Chic line from the mid-80s, has out done himself this time, and we have the picture to prove it.

Ummm, yes.  Michelle, you go girl!

What does all of this trend setting mean for the fashion conscious on a budget? According to our Green President Elect, Washington will be throwing a lot of green around in the next couple of years but it may be quiet a while before you see any in a town near you.

Until next time, this is Les James, hoping for all of  you, Prius Wishes and Carbon Neutral Dreams.

*JumpOut (a.k.a. JO -his abbreviated nom de plume) is from Louisiana, which is chock full of  these Rive Gauche types. At least 25% of New Orleans is still under French occupation, much of the rest is under it’s influence. Courtesy of the Free New Orleans Foundation.

No one asked nicely but Les James came back anyway despite all the crap that’s being tossed his way and getting his regular day taken.  You can find more of his satire and humor at Sideshow Mirrors.

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See more work by Les James, Doctor of Photography at Sideshow Mirrrors.