Political Humor

Obama Bugs Me

Judge Walker, the chief judge of the Federal District Court in San Francisco (like you couldn’t guess the city), ruled this past Wednesday the National Security Agency’s program of surveillance on U.S citizens, sans warrants is… can I get a drum roll please?… illegal. Now where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, Sen Barack Obama. Still, his administration has tried to keep this well used program  shrouded in secrecy. I guess it’s OK to spy on us as long as George Bush isn’t President.

Could I have made that caption any more awkward?

Fast Food Fix

Fast food will make your children steal, and it’s not their fault. That’s right, eating burgers and fries will force them to shoplift from convenience stores, burglarize your neighbor’s homes and lift cash from your wallets.

Why? Because recent studies have shown it’s as addictive as heroin. We’ve all seen what can happen when McDonald’s runs out of McNuggets -it’s crack whore central.

But don’t worry, Michelle Obama will get your kids into a 12 Step Program, while Kathleen Sebelus shuts down the Fast Food Cartels. It’s up against the wall, Ronald. You’re being replaced with Mickey Mao.

Speaking of 12 Step Programs, when Tiger Woods went into sex rehab, was he slowly weaned-off of porn stars? “OK Tiger, this week we’re going to cut you down to only four women a day. Next week it’s three.” The inhumanity.

The Obama Presidency: Downsizing Your Exceptions

Is Obama Practicing Black Magic?

Ali Hussein Subat, a Lebanese magician, was sentenced to death last month in Saudi Arabia for sorcery, but he’s been given a temporary reprieve. Subat claims he practiced black magic over the past eight years in order to treat patients.

In other words, a man with absolutely no medical training or background -and with the middle name Hussein- thought he could magically run a health care program.

If he walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and weights the same as a duck, he’s made of wood. Therefore…

Does anyone else see a disturbing pattern? Or is it just me?

Hey, visit my other blogs, please. I’ve haven’t done much lately with Mild Max and my crusade against the Global Warming crowd. Then there’s more political humor and satire at Sideshow Mirrors, where Eric’s been having a ball, but he’s getting kind of lonely -’cause I haven’t been posting much there either. Stop by and say hi to him, won’t ya?

Two or so years ago in Harry Reid’s Office…

Bill Clinton: “…and that’s why Hilary should be President.”

Harry Reid: “Just because she’s already picked out the drapes for the Oval Office, and her transition team, doesn’t mean she should automatically get the job.”

Bill Clinton: “If she’s not President, she’s going to be pissed.”

Harry Reid: “Bill, I’ve got other people to talk to. Barack Obama is waiting in the outer office.”

Bill Clinton: “Who?”

Joe Biden: “Obama. You remember, he gave that speech at the convention.”

Bill Clinton: “Still doesn’t ring a bell.”

Joe Biden: “Come-on, he’s that nice-looking African-American guy. He’s articulate and bright and clean.”

Bill Clinton: “Yeah, I remember him now. What about Edwards?”

Harry Reid: “He’s having an affair.”

Bill Clinton: “And?”

Harry Reid: “His wife’s a bitch.”

Bill Clinton: “And? So, why do you want this Obama guy anyway? He’s black, right? I mean, what’s the big deal? We’ve already had a black president… me.”

Harry Reid: “Okay Bill, you keep thinking that. Look, it’s time for a game change. This guy is actually only half black, so he’s light skinned and doesn’t speak with a Negro dialect, except when he wants to.”

Bill Clinton: “I’m telling you, Hillary won’t accept playing second fiddle to anybody.”

Joe Biden: “What about me? I’m more qualified than Obama.”

Harry Reid and Bill Clinton: “Shut-up, Joe.”

Harry Reid: “Listen Bill, I’ve got a tight schedule today. I need to get Senator Obama in here.”

Bill Clinton: “I understand. Hey, before he comes in, can you have him get me a cup of coffee to go?”

Les James has more conservative political humor at Sideshow Mirrors and Climate Change Lies over at Mild Max

And if You Don’t Like It, Screw You

What an Abortion is just a euphemism, get over it. Here you thought a euphemism was a nicer way of saying something like, sanitation engineer instead of garbage collector, right? Well, I’m telling you it is a euphemism and I am being nice. But here’s the deal, I’ve got something to say that’s not very funny, and I’m tired of mincing words, so this is going to get ugly. If you don’t like the direction this is heading, you better bail out now. It’s fixin’ to get a whole lot worse, but not just yet.

I know that most of our readers are high functioning, politically savvy individuals. You folks are going to understand the reason for my rant, if not feel the same way. But for you few who stumbled in here by mistake, I’m going to throw you a bone. Take this for what it is, a gift. So for you knuckleheads, here’s a few sightly more PC examples of what this administration has been doing to our country these last nine months: They’ve fouled-up, bungled, botched, mishandled, muffed, fumbled, dropped the ball and blew it.

Not getting it? No wonder. Those limp specimens of polite and proper speech don’t really convey a true sense of our very serious current situation. They were weak words for weak minds. What? If the shoe fits…

Let’s try this again with some slightly more vulgar examples. It’s sad I’ve got to get down to a level you lost ones can understand, but I’ll do for you anyway. That’s just the kind of guy I am. I think a couple of these might actually be original: They’ve pounded the pig, donged the dog, backdoored the baloney, slipped in the sausage, packed the pooper.

No? Damn, some of you are really dense. Who dressed you this morning? Okay, fine. Swan diving off the sidewalk and into the gutter, here’s something you might understand: They’ve fucked us in the ass! Is that better? Do you get it now? See, it was more polite to say abortion, wasn’t it? Trust me next time.

Where was I? Oh, yeah

I’m glad we got through with that. Now, what’s the result of this sodomizing assault? Well, getting back on topic, we’re about to give birth to the evil twins of Obama Care, and Cap and Trade. They’re going to make Rosemary’s Baby look like that cute little kid on the Gerber labels.

This is one instance where I’m very much in favor of extreme late term abortions. (There’s that word again) I’d go so far as to say that we need to take a machete to the bloated Nanny State, cut out this vile and abhorrent pair, and hack them to little bits. Then finish off the Nanny. Too much for your delicate constitutions? Pussies.

Wake-the-hell-up! These two are going to suckle from the government teat until it’s dry. Then they’re going to grow teeth, and start eating everything in sight. Not just house and home, but industry and infrastructure too.

Are you man purse carrying, tree huggers still here? I’d have thought you’d have gotten bored by the lack of pictures. I’m going to bet you didn’t get that last paragraph either? Fine. Here we go again. I’ll use small words. This is going to cost a whole fucking lot of money we don’t have, and will gobble up so much future income that there will be little left for any cool shit, let alone your groceries. Yeah, that means beer too.

Ah, but there’s another issue. Cap and Trade may be switched at birth. We might get the Copenhagen Climate Treaty shoved down our throats. That will put a UN commission in charge of the environment. In case you haven’t noticed, the environment is everywhere, so their mandates will extend around the world.

Then again, the Supreme Court has already given the EPA the authority over that nasty pollutant, CO2. That agency can impose stringent measures without Congress or the UN even having to get involved. Or, it could mean we give birth to quadruplets. And you thought the Octomom had her hands full.

Barry, Barry quite contrary,
How does your Government grow?
With Tax Evaders, and Right Wing Haters,
And petty little Czars all in a row

I’d Love to Change the World

We lost the War on Poverty, so our government has declared a War on Wealth. It’s much easier to tear down the affluent then to build up the destitute. “Tax the rich, feed the poor, ’til there are no rich no more.” Alvin Lee should be writing Obama’s speeches. Here’s the catch, the affluent are now anyone who has money. Any money. And Obama’s gunnin’ fer it.

If you haven’t figured it all out, Health Care, Cap and Trade, massive give aways, redistribution of wealth, the take over of car companies and financial institutions, telling execs how much they can make, etc, etc, is about Control. Government Control. Big, Fat, Fascist, 1984, Animal Farm, Government Control. Personally, I’m tired of getting porked by these punks. It’s time to reach around and neuter these butt pirates by ripping out their genitalia.

This post is going to be seen around the world. Folks in like other countries and stuff are going to read this. Yeah, I find that really weird too. But all politics are local. It’s here and now. We need to continue to fight at a grassroots level. Water your little patch with a healthy dose of truth and keep it in the limelight. No need for fertilizer, there’s more than enough bullshit to go around already. It will grow out to meet the next patch of resistance, and the next, and the next. The end result will be a nice, healthy lawn of conservatism that spreads from sea to shining sea.

Next, we’ll vote out a chunk these bastards next year, and another chunk -along with The Chosen One– two years later. Then we preform retroactive, way late term abortions on all of their destructive intrusions into the General Welfare. Now, that’s a green program I can get behind. Oh, and we’re not going to cut this lawn, it gets to grow wild… and free.

At no time during the writing of this post was the Nanny State slit open, nor were any politician’s genitals torn out by the roots. Too bad.