Political Humor

Are you Democrats fucking kidding me? A Three point Seven Trillion dollar budget proposal from President I’m Not Listening, the Repubs want to start with a minuscule cut of Sixty-One Billion, and the Dems counter with Ten point Five Billion in cuts!

And the Ever Level-Headed, Sen. Barbara Boxer says Republicans are on a vendetta against Elmo. Yeah, you nailed it, babe.

My little calculator doesn’t have enough room for all the zeros, so I’m going to take the word of a Fox News journalist. Ten point Five Billion is only POINT TWO EIGHT PERCENT OF THREE POINT SEVEN TRILLION($3,700, ooo,ooo,ooo.00)! That’s .28%! As in $.0028!

OK, let’s put this moonbat math stupidity into perspective. Let’s say you spent one hundred thousand dollars last year, but only made sixty thousand -we’re currently borrowing forty cents on ever dollar. So this year you decide it would be financially prudent  to drastically cut back on your spending. You’re going to cut point two eight percent!

That’s a whopping Two Hundred and Eighty Dollars in cuts! And you’re planning on spending (read borrowing) even more this year!

The Democrats scream that we don’t dare cut any more than they propose because if we do, it will promote illiteracy, kill jobs, mothers, children, minorities and sanction vivisection on the cast of Sesame Street.

I say Kill NPR, Planned Parenthood, Reading is Fundamental, and the rest of those non-essential programs, and let the Free Market sort ‘em out.

I wonder how many starving teachers Big Bird could feed? Save me a drum stick.

On a completely unrelated note to ObamaCare, but related to Halloween, I went to a 6th grade Halloween dance at the school. Now, first of all, I felt a little awkward showing up at the school, because that is the way I felt in school back when they made me go there to learn how to be a good little subordinate of the State – which they failed at, by the way.

Once I got there, I had an exciting revelation. It turns out they were having an election. I didn’t even need to register to vote. This made me suspicious. Is ACORN behind this voting thing? And just what measures were being taken to prevent voter fraud?

I was completely unprepared to vote. There were approximately 200 candidates, and there was no indication just what position each candidate was campaigning for. What were their party affiliations? What if the candidate I voted for “best use of Halloween colors” was really running for “most realistic costume?” Who audits the vote count?

Not only that, but I had no idea where any of the candidates stood on the issues. I assumed that the person with the most expensive costume was in favor of economic growth, and the person that made their own costume probably favored fiscal responsibility, but was the zombie surgeon in favor of Socialized health care, or opposed to it?

I cast my votes, not knowing anything about the candidates for office, which really isn’t any different than anyone else does in a political election. Mostly I voted for people that looked good, or that I already knew. Also, much like a political election.

I do think the vote was rigged, however. My step-daughter did not win for best costume, and I voted for her twice. I demand a recount.

Happy Halloween!

Thanks to Les for letting me hijack his Halloween picture post.

Independence day weekend is rapidly approaching, and that means that the 2009 summer blockbuster movie season is upon us. As a brief respite from our usual political humor, I offer you this preview of some of this summer’s most eagerly anticipated movies.

Dumb and Dumber

Obama and Biden are two lovable and friendly, but very stupid friends, who struggle with every aspect of life. Obama is the President of the United States. Biden is his more experienced, but equally stupid sidekick and Vice President. Watch the two bumble their way through the misadventures of running the United States government in this hilarious comedy, destined to be a classic (Hilarity may not applicable to United States citizens). Comedy. Opens July 3.

Ice Age: Return of the Dinosaurs
After the events of “Ice Age: The Meltdown”, life begins to change for Manny and his friends: Fossil fuels still exist, but they have been cap and traded to developing nations. Manny and his friends struggle to make ends meet as a new ice age erupts in the face of hysteria over global warming. Animated Comedy. Opens July 3.

The World According to Gore

Al Gore is Gore. He’s got a funny way of looking at life. Opens July 10.

Obama Brasco
Barack Obama goes undercover inside a radical Islamic extremist terrorist cell. A low level flunkie in the terror cell befriends Obama, and soon Obama is one of the most trusted members of the group. However, a moral dilemma confronts Obama when a mole is suspected and he realizes that ending the undercover operation will put his friend at risk. Based on a true story. Drama. Opens July 10.

National Lampoons Iranian Vacation
Iran has a long and storied history, dating back to the very beginning of human civilization… Until the Obama family pays a visit for their summer vacation. Obama has trouble speaking English when there is a teleprompter in front of him. Without a teleprompter or a translator, there’s sure to be one zany disaster after another in the cradle of civilization. Comedy. Opens July 17.

They Call Me Senator Boxer

With the right kickbacks, anyone can buy a title. Drama. Opens July 17.

Air Force One
The President of the United States is on a mission to secure public relations photos for Air Force One when the plane sweeps in on a near miss of the Statue of Liberty, sending New Yorkers into a terrified panic. Action. Opens July 17.

The Crying Game

When a Supreme Court Justice appointment unexpectedly opens, President Obama appoints Sonia Sotomayor to the position. However there are some things that even Obama doesn’t know about Sotomayor. (Same surprise ending). Political Thriller. Opens July 24.

Snakes on a Plane

Hair raising thriller featuring Nancy Pelosi… On a plane. Action and Adventure. Opens July 24.

Please submit your own summer movie previews in the comments section.

Concept by Fiar, Movie Posters by Les James.