Political Humor

Keeping in line with my epiphany that I will now support Barack Obama, I’ve decided that Bernie Madoff is one of my personal heroes. Mr. Madoff has done this country a great service, and I am afraid he is being unfairly treated. If he is convicted, I will start a letter writing campaign to have Mr. Madoff pardoned by America Czar President Obama.

Are those boos I am hearing? Hear me out. I can’t imagine how you people don’t get this. Let me see if I can spell this out for you.

First, Mr. Madoff has protected some of the most vulnerable American Citizens. Like the protection offered by President Obama, those being protected probably don’t feel really protected, but I assure you they are. Bernie Madoff has most likely put all Nigerian e-mail scammers out of business. By taking money from a bunch of rich fools, he has taken away a huge chunk of Nigerian spam e-mail profits. It’s likely the Nigerian spam e-mail industry will be crashing shortly.

Second, Mr. Madoff only took money from rich people. Rich people who probably fly in jets. Now, those jet riding fat cats can’t fly in their jets as often because they can’t afford it. Mr. Madoff is saving the environment. While Barack Obama will save the environment by both taking all your money, and raising the price of fuel, Mr. Madoff has no control over the price of fuel. He did the best he could. I’m sure we’ll find out next year that global warming cooling climate change is over. It will be in no small part to Mr. Madoff’s contribution. And like Barack Obama, he knows that it doesn’t matter who you hurt, as long as you save the environment.

Lastly, Mr. Madoff accomplished something my favorite president could never accomplish. He was able to redistribute the wealth of rich people without the power of the IRS. How can you not be impressed by that. He was able to get people to choose to give him their money. That’s a conservative redistributionist right there.

As you can see, Mr. Madoff’s agenda, and President Obama’s agenda are very similar. I don’t think you can support one without supporting the other. That would be dishonest. Since I have recently started supporting Mr. Obama, I will now be supporting Mr. Madoff as well. They have both served their country admirably. They should be rewarded equally.

If you liked this post, JumpOut will be writing more posts about crime and criminals at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered