Political Humor

Sometimes things get so ridiculous, there’s only one thing left to do… rant. I haven’t done this for a while, today’s your lucky day.

From a distance, it looks like the IDF may have screwed-up their boarding of the terrorist backed “humanitarian aid” ship off the coast of Gaza. Screwed-up or not, I damn sure support Israel’s right to search vessels attempting to run their legal blockade. They have every right to defend themselves from Hamas, Iran and others who are trying to destroy them. Bottom fucking line.

Let’s be realistic, Israel isn’t the first country to dick-up an op. Ask former President Carter. Remember all the dead US military in the Iranian desert during the botched hostage rescue? I’m still not convinced that a young  Ahmadinejad wasn’t one of the “students” who held those Americans for 444 days. And who spoke-out on Wednesday condemning Israel? Jimmy The Jew Hater Carter, that’s who.

Speaking of the Promised Land, where’s Rahm Emanuel? Oh yeah… Israel. Well, maybe. He’s been gone for three weeks to his son’s Bar Mitzvahs or something, while Louisiana’s wildlife turns into Tar Balls, the Blago Hair Trial for Men begins, the Out-of-Stock Market tanks, Nazi bitch, Heil Helen Shar-Pei Thomas said the Jews should “get the hell out of Palestine” and go back where they came from (was she talking to you Rahm?), Joe Sestak tries-out for the role of Bubba’s New Blue Dress -as he’s been stained by Clinton too, Barry Two Wars Obama -our Commander and Sheik- spits in the collective faces of our military by heading-off to a BBQ in the Windy City -across the street from the well-known Anti-Semite Louis Farrakan’s house- and sends Joe who needs a plumber to remove his head from his stopped-up anatomical sewage outlet Biden to Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day on the very day we remember those who now serve and have served their country and our fallen heroes. Top that run-on sentence, Eric.

Hey, here’s a thought. Let’s shove some of those dead, oil-soaked pelicans on sticks, light them, and march on Chicago? Why Chicago you might ask? Because it’s the festering boil on the un-wiped hemorrhoid of Socialism, Fascism and Communism in our country. Where’s a Joseph McCarthy when we need one?

You’re wasting your time picketing Washington. Obama and his Chicago Mob won’t even notice. Take it home. Go for the throat. Well actually, it’s the other end, but you get the idea.

March on the same city where President Obamunist friends (whom he’s never met) Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dorhn live. Two home-gown terrorist who, along with Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, support the IHH and the Free Gaza movement. The IHH, the very group that several governments have labeled as a terrorist organization. The very Send them to the Showers organization that booked the Turkish Terror Cruise to Israel.

Around… and around… it goes.

If Janeane Garofalo says you’re a redneck, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone to a park and didn’t hug a tree, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think that abortion is a better form of contraception than a condom, you might be a terrorist.

If Paul Begala believes you’re a wimpy, whiny, weasel, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever served your country as a member of the armed forces, you might be a terrorist.

If you’re a guy and have never tea bagged another guy or visa versa, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that 535 lobotomized, white lab rats would have a better grasp on reality than Congress, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone into the woods to drink a couple of beers and plink some cans, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever been in a church that didn’t slam America, and it wasn’t because either someone was getting married or died, you might be a terrorist.

If you think Bill Ayers is a terrorist, you might be a terrorist.

If you agree with Robert Frost that good fences make good neighbors, you might be a terrorist.

If you have a four-wheel drive truck parked on your front lawn, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that burning an American flag somehow doesn’t contribute to global warming, you’re just a totally screwed-up moonbat. Oops, how’d that get in there?

If you think government, like spandex clothing, should not come in XXL, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think Obama can walk on water while simultaneously reading Open Veins Of Latin America, you might be a terrorist.

If you know your ass from a hole in the ground, no doubt about it, you are a terrorist.

Now it’s your turn.  Just fill in the blank with your own funny phrase: If _______________, you might be a terrorist.

I think Jeff Foxworthy would approve.

Chicago (AP) “It’s all over but the celebrating. This is a clear mandate. He’s had his time in office and now it’s time to send him back to the ranch,” stated political pundit Bill Maher yesterday, on the Daily Show. This was in reference to the astounding polling numbers showing the Democrat Party in the lead by a very wide margin.

Across the nation, Democrats are all but certain of a landslide victory against George Bush. Just released Zogby, CNN, NBC, and New York Times polls all show an overwhelming majority of likely Democrat voters will vote for a Democrat in the up-coming elections. Some polls are indicating as much as an 8 to 1 margin for national, state and local candidates, who are running against the President.

The estimated 20% -to as high as 50% in a few precincts- of recently registered Democrat voters who are undecided as to how they will vote or in many case how to vote, are to be aided by the nonpartisan, voter assistance organization Acorn.

“They will be right there in the booth beside those voters to insure they are not discriminated against or disenfranchised by the intimidation tactics of the Bush/Cheney tag team. They will be their hands and eyes, if necessary,” said Acorn backer and 60′s peace activist, Bill Ayers.

“Many of these people are the senility struck elderly or don’t speak a word of English… or are mentally challenged homeless. Why some of them are even tragically and terminally dead,” Ayres said. They deserve their chance to be counted. Concerned citizens like me will be providing armed escort services to and from their residences, alleys or resting places on election day. George Bush and his Gestapo-like Republican voting machine will not see another term in office.”

“Why some of them are even tragically and terminally dead”

The strategy of going negative early and pitting as many DNC backed challengers against Bush as possible, was the brainchild of long-time political strategist James Carvel. Carvel -who orchestrated victory for Bill Clinton against the then Texas governor- had this to say, “Just because he [Bush] wasn’t running for President at that time only proves the effectiveness of this plan. It worked for us then and it’s working for us now.  That guy, what’s his name, who’s from Arizona… Ah, yeah… McCain, can say what he wants. Defeating Bush is the winning ticket.”

Carvel went on to say, “I don’t expect to see a single Democrat lose to Bush from the national level, involving Obama and Biden, all the way down to city counsel seats. This man won’t even be elected as the mayor of Wasilla.”

When it was pointed out that the election for Sarah Palin’s formerly held position as mayor of the insignificant Alaskan township isn’t until next year, James Carvel replied, “See how well the strategy is working?”

You can dig up more October surprises at my Humor and satire blog Sideshow Mirrors where Les keeps a spare shovel.