Political Humor

“God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat” -Henry Louis Mencken, 1880-1956

I heard this adage many years ago, and all but forgot it. Recently I heard it again, and it got me thinking. While I don’t believe God would ever lower himself to be a part of any political party -they all seem rather ungodly to me- Santa is a Democrat fits.

Consider this:

Take Santa out of the red suit, put him in sandals, torn Levis, and a tie-dyed T-shirt, whatcha  got? Hum? An ancient, long-haired, bearded, clay pipe smokin’ hippie. That’s what. Doesn’t sound like any Republican I know. Maybe a few Libertarians…

He eats cookies, drinks milk (that we’re expected to provide for him, on the same day every year. Can you say April 15th all over again?) and gives candy to little kids who sit on his lap. Have you ever heard of Santa sitting down to slab of  beef and a beer? Or maybe a juicy hamburger and fries? Me either, and what about that candy thing? It’s down-right Un-American, more than a little creepy and smacks of veganism. Very Democratic, I’d say.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Wow, Obamacare.

Claus uses religion -by calling himself  Saint Nick- but never will you hear him mention the baby Jesus. In fact, in many places he’s institutionally substituted for Jesus. Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ.

He has no visible means of support. This leads me to believe Santa’s funded by looting programs like Social Security.  So, it’s our money. Then he brings us “gifts” telling us it’s “free”. And what do we get? Crap we don’t want, can’t use, wears-out quickly and always ends-up costing a lot more than “free”. Does he ever ask if we want his “gifts”? Noooo, but we’re expected to be grateful and except ‘em with smiles on our faces. Another name for gifts, is pork.  Santa hates the Jews.

Santa Claus and his “elves” wear disguises, run a huge operation from a secret site, and make toys. If Santa was a Reaganite, he’d be making weapons. That’s how you get Peace on Earth.

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus -The Killers

Which reminds me, if anyone’s interested in the location to the Military Industrial Complex, I’m selling it to the highest bidder. To prove I can be generous, I’ll donate a full 10% to the Undocumented Democrats Voter’s League.

If you were bad this year, who but an enviro-mental Dem, would give you their most hated substance on the planet -coal?  If Santa was conservative, you’d get a copy of a Michael Moore film instead.

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. If that’s not Orwell’s Big Brother, what is? Don’t even get me started on the Naught and Nice List.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus -Hello, Bill Clinton.

Like George Soros, The Claus shelters his money offshore. Santa has never filed a tax return in the U.S..  He makes Little Timmy Geithner look like an amateur, and makes me sick.

While your kids are sleeping, all snug in their beds, Santa’s creeping around your house, without a warrant.

Then there’s the Al Gore connection. Santa Claus flies around the world, in his private aircraft, espousing the virtues of  non-fossil fuel transportation.  I’m here to tell you, reindeer crap impacting your poinsettias from 15,000 feet ain’t earth friendly.

Next we’re going to be told, being Santa is patriotic, and if we’re not Santa-like, we’re anti-charity, elf-o-phobic, and we hate fat people. Global warming has to be stopped, or Santa won’t have anyplace to live. Christmas will disappear. We have to do it for the children.

If  this overwhelming abundance of evidence still doesn’t convince you that Santa Claus is a Democrat, then you’re obviously a Democrat. As such, there’s almost no hope for you. But take heart in your belief that Santa is real, and free stuff really does mean free. Despite how much it will hurt your eyes to read this, Merry Christmas.

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” -Henry Louis Mencken

Here at the home for the planet’s best political humor Radioactive Liberty we have often made fun of President Barack Obama’s lack of intelligence, his lack for avoiding a bucket being stuck on his head, and his policies.

One thing we have never made fun of is his sexual appeal because frankly he doesn’t have any. The guy wears mom jeans after all.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

So it stands to reason that Obama is no Bill Clinton when it comes to the hooking-up aspect that sometimes comes with being the President.

Clinton was a womanizer, and it is on record. Not only did he face numerous charges of sexual aggressiveness throughout his political career, to put it mildly, but he also had oral sex with the famous intern Monica Lewinsky while occupying the White House.

Allegedly of course, depending on the definition of sexual relations, cigars and Altoids be damned.

So what is the big deal if our Grand Poobah likes to check out the derriere of women he comes into contact with? Is this not to be expected from a man who’s been married for decades?

I know, thanks to TMZ, the mainstream media made sure to dissect the video behind this picture like it was the Zapruder film in an effort to defend the fact that Obama was not checking out the ass of a minor.

He was after all looking back and to the left.

But then there is this picture:

Is this the second photographer on the grassy knoll? Whoever it is, we can easily surmise that Obama like to ogle.

On a side note, France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy has the “hey what do we have here”look on his face in both pictures and nobody is calling him out.

So what is wrong with an ass-check? Is it a bad thing? It is not like every guy has not been caught with a wandering eye at some point in their life.

Kirk Douglas, who is like 106 years old was recently caught on camera checking out his daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta-Jones’ cleavage.

This is a man who has not seen a firm set of breasts since World War I and nobody is getting on his case. Yet we bash our President for checking out a woman’s ass.

Two asses in fact

At least our President is doing the right thing, checking out the backside of women without being disrespectful to the point of a lawsuit or an impeachment, despite the fact the cameras were recording the moment for posterity.

This is more than anyone can say for Bill Clinton. Like or dislike Obama’s policies, at least he is not a sexual predator. Our President is simply like the rest of us when it comes to checking out the ladies.

A fine ass is something to be admired, not be ashamed of, no matter what side of the political fence you reside on.

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Chris Cameron writes this column in addition to his weekly RL Political Humor Quick Hits column here at the home for the Planet’s best political humor. You can also read his own take on general humor at Angry Seafood as well as his serious political blog Clearly Political.

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Humor-blogs.com is full of funny blogs that may seduce your sense of humor. Or grope it if you aren’t careful.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly insane political humor every Thursday as well as his own works of odd humor at Angry Seafood.