Political Humor

Sometimes things get so ridiculous, there’s only one thing left to do… rant. I haven’t done this for a while, today’s your lucky day.

From a distance, it looks like the IDF may have screwed-up their boarding of the terrorist backed “humanitarian aid” ship off the coast of Gaza. Screwed-up or not, I damn sure support Israel’s right to search vessels attempting to run their legal blockade. They have every right to defend themselves from Hamas, Iran and others who are trying to destroy them. Bottom fucking line.

Let’s be realistic, Israel isn’t the first country to dick-up an op. Ask former President Carter. Remember all the dead US military in the Iranian desert during the botched hostage rescue? I’m still not convinced that a young  Ahmadinejad wasn’t one of the “students” who held those Americans for 444 days. And who spoke-out on Wednesday condemning Israel? Jimmy The Jew Hater Carter, that’s who.

Speaking of the Promised Land, where’s Rahm Emanuel? Oh yeah… Israel. Well, maybe. He’s been gone for three weeks to his son’s Bar Mitzvahs or something, while Louisiana’s wildlife turns into Tar Balls, the Blago Hair Trial for Men begins, the Out-of-Stock Market tanks, Nazi bitch, Heil Helen Shar-Pei Thomas said the Jews should “get the hell out of Palestine” and go back where they came from (was she talking to you Rahm?), Joe Sestak tries-out for the role of Bubba’s New Blue Dress -as he’s been stained by Clinton too, Barry Two Wars Obama -our Commander and Sheik- spits in the collective faces of our military by heading-off to a BBQ in the Windy City -across the street from the well-known Anti-Semite Louis Farrakan’s house- and sends Joe who needs a plumber to remove his head from his stopped-up anatomical sewage outlet Biden to Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day on the very day we remember those who now serve and have served their country and our fallen heroes. Top that run-on sentence, Eric.

Hey, here’s a thought. Let’s shove some of those dead, oil-soaked pelicans on sticks, light them, and march on Chicago? Why Chicago you might ask? Because it’s the festering boil on the un-wiped hemorrhoid of Socialism, Fascism and Communism in our country. Where’s a Joseph McCarthy when we need one?

You’re wasting your time picketing Washington. Obama and his Chicago Mob won’t even notice. Take it home. Go for the throat. Well actually, it’s the other end, but you get the idea.

March on the same city where President Obamunist friends (whom he’s never met) Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dorhn live. Two home-gown terrorist who, along with Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, support the IHH and the Free Gaza movement. The IHH, the very group that several governments have labeled as a terrorist organization. The very Send them to the Showers organization that booked the Turkish Terror Cruise to Israel.

Around… and around… it goes.

The following was found crumpled on the floor after a recent White House Press Corpse Briefing. The source appears to be Robert Gibbs.

Note to self: Palin fits all her notes on her palm. Find pen that will write on mine. It’s too greasy from constantly jerking-off the public.

1. Situation in Gulf

Warm-up those brain-dead press sycophants with an opening statement.

The President wants the American people to know, he loves Black Folk. This is why he’s causing the wind to break-up the oil slick into small, Earth Friendly drops. Unlike George Bush, who steered Katrina into the Big Easy, and then blew-up the levees.

2. Oil Jokes.

Oil spill? What oil spill? More oil drips off of David Axelrod’s head every day then is leaking in the Gulf.

The BP leak is no crisis. If it where, Rahm Emanual wouldn’t be wasting it.

Speaking of British Petroleum, years ago Americans dumped English Tea into the waters of Boston Harbor. Now the Brits are dumping Texas Tea into our waters.

Don’t worry about the recent dip in the Stock Market. Pork futures are down. Is this mike on? Hello. Pending European bailouts of the P.I.G.S.? Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain? Pork futures? Get it?

Getting off oil topic humor: Who ever brought the Shar-Pei in here will have to… Oops, my mistake, it’s Helen Thomas. Sorry, Helen. Oh… no… Helen… please… don’t… walk… out.

3. Spin Doctoring the Muslim Times Square Bomber

The person arrested for the alleged car bombing attempt in Times Square, will now be known as the Guy Once Thought to be a Middle-Aged, White Male, or GOTMAWM for short. We’re pronouncing it Got Mom.

The Got Mom was obviously influenced by the Tea Party movement. His choice of car to blow-up says he hates foreigners, just like the Tea Baggers. The gasoline used in the failed bomb, is a symbol of the incendiary rhetoric used by these bigots, and the fireworks are a clear signal of just how the 4^th of July has been twisted into a call for open, bloody revolution.

The Justice Department, FBI, and Homeland Security are creating a joint task force to investigate everyone associated with this right-wing mob. We cannot allow people who have recently gained their US citizenship to be brainwashed into treasonous acts of wanton destruction and senseless violence. These Tea Bag Terrorist will be stopped.

4: Rednecks

The flooding in Tennessee is terrible, but the President wants the people of Nashville to know, he will take action soon. Soon as the Grand Ole Opry promises not to reopen.

5: Finish-up

In conclusion, currently your Government is not doing everything it can for you, But we’re working on it. It’s just going to take a bit more sacrifice on everyone’s part. Remember, when it comes to your hard earned money, we take it… seriously. 

Take no questions. Go smoke a bowl with VP.

Astute Observation of the Day

What makes BP think that putting a dome over the well will contain anything? We put a dome over Congress years ago.