Political Humor

An open letter to our Beloved Leader, Barack Hussein Obama

Dear President Obama,

With all due respect, what is it about the polls you don’t get? The majority of people, including me, think you’re on the wrong track. Please try a different one. Maybe Amtrak.

Your failed policies of the past (year) are giving me hemorrhoids. Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to respect me in the morning, and the check (for my taxes) is in the mail. That being said, what I really want you to hear is no.

No, I don’t want higher taxes. Duh! Even if Vice-President Biden thinks it’s patriotic.

No, I don’t want Obama Care. Keep your fingers out of my wife’s reproductive organs.

No, I don’t want Cap and Trade. Or as I like to call it, Crap and Tirade.

No, I don’t want socialism. I don’t care what 53% of Democrats say.

No, I don’t want terrorists tried in civilian courts. I want them shot. I’ll even pull the trigger.

No, I don’t want bigger government. Not everything is better when bigger, despite what Michelle says.

No, I don’t what you to stimulate me again. I didn’t want pork-barreled in the first place. You forced me against my will.

Mr President, no, no, no and no. Do you know what that means? No means no!

Look, I’ll understand if you don’t want to stand in front of a train, but could you please get on one? Might I suggest one heading for Venezuela. I think you’ll feel right at home there.

Sincerely,

Les James

In case anyone is interested, Conservative Political Humor and Satire by Sideshow Mirrors is back. Well, sort of. Check it out.

This is a good one.

First the headline: “New Climate Targets Might not Change Daily Life Much”

Done laughing yet?

Now the quote:

“Americans’ day-to-day lives won’t change noticeably if President Barack Obama achieves his newly announced goal of slashing carbon dioxide pollution by one-sixth in the next decade, experts say.

Except for rising energy bills.”

“Except for rising energy bills“. Because that won’t impact everyone’s lives.

Just the other day I was thinking about little energy costs factor into my life. Gas at $2.48 a gallon? I didn’t even notice the impact on my wallet. It was like I got it for free. That’s how cheap energy is nowadays.

And when my rent went up $60 dollars a month last year because of, and I quote: “increases in energy costs” I laughed knowing how little it would affect my life. $720 more a year in expenses is pocket change.

Walking around money.

Of course our Minister of Health and Human Services made us fully aware of the dangers of oil:

“Relying on fossil fuels leads to unhealthy lifestyles, increasing our chances for getting sick and in some cases takes years from our lives,” U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said.

Because things were so much better in the days of energy sources like windmills, peat, and whale oil. To think someone could live in a United States where if they actually survived childbirth could look forward to living until like forty.

That is if they didn’t get diarrhea, tuberculosis, or bronchitis. Or get kicked in the head by a horse.

Man, I long for the good old days and can’t wait to return to them so I can live a healthier life blogging on paper by candlelight and inhaling the toxic fumes of the peat bricks heating my home.

But Kathleen was not done there, bless her liberal heart:

“As greenhouse gas emissions go down, so do deaths from cardiovascular and respiratory diseases. This is not a small effect.”

Sigh.

The human body only takes in about .004% CO2 when it inhales. It also produces CO2 as a by-product of the breathing system and even more if it does not exhale.

We’d be pretty f-ed as a species if CO2 caused cardiovascular and respiratory diseases since the gas flows through the body’s bloodstream and lungs every few seconds.

So it’s always a relief when the person in charge of Health and Human Services doesn’t even know elementary-school-level anatomy. But Kathleen has a Masters in Public Administration so she has that going for her.

Maybe she needs to attend the Mark Twain School of Thought for an additional degree…

”It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

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Chris Cameron is a writer/columnist/beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd form of mostly non-political humor at his blog Angry Seafood.