Political Humor

Is it just me, or is it time for Al Gore to shut the fuck up? I know Al Gore likes to think of himself as the smartest man alive, and the media likes to gargle his nads, but I have to think that there is a better time to release a global warming book than in November. I mean, it was snowing in South Louisiana about that time last year.

If you live in Minnesota, and you’re freezing your ass off, no shit, I mean you’re shivering, and your ass literally falls off from the cold, do you really want to read some bunk science from Al Gore? Wouldn’t you want to stab Al Gore in the eye with a rusty spoon when you read “The Earth has a fever…” after you just lost your ass to the bitter cold? I’m just sayin’.

I know to dissent from the opinions of the all-knowing Goracle is a hate crime against Gaia and all, and E.L.F. hippie commandos are planning a raid on my house right now (bring it, pussies), but at what point does common sense come in and kick global warming hysterics in the face? I’m no climatological geothermal high priest to the altar of the religion of global warming, but the snake oil these hippies are selling doesn’t pass the smell test. When you can’t accurately predict the weather a week from now, don’t pretend to know what the weather will be ten years from now. Or, in other words, don’t piss down my back and tell me the climate is changing.

Forgive my cynicism, but since when have hippies been right about anything? I mean these people used to be the champions of doing copious amounts of drugs, listening to shitty music, and shagging anything with a hole and a heartbeat. I don’t trust ‘em. They vilify developed nations as being the rapers of the Earth, but they fail to see the fact that the third-world, shithole, “developing” nations pollute the most. And in their eco-insanity, the hippies fight the exportation of modern technology that could clean up these shitholes. When the founder of Greenpeace quits because his little rabble of jolly eco-pirates became raving lunatic commies, that should tell you something.

The problem is that these disingenuous assclowns have an ulterior motive. Be it Marxism like what you see with Greenpeace, or good old fashioned greed like you see with the Goracle, they’re using these environmental concerns as a vehicle to push other agendas. That sets off my bullshit detector.

Well, I will say this about old uncle Al. He is a charitable bastard. He plans to donate all the proceeds from this new book, titled “Our Choice”, to charity. That’s right, he’ll be giving all that money to the Alliance for Climate Protection. Pay no attention to the fact that the chairman of the board of directors for the Alliance for Climate Protection is Al Gore.

Insert pithy comment about JumpOut’s law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered here ________

Air Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi has come under fire recently for traveling around in a Air Force G5 or larger aircraft, on her frequent flights between Washington DC and San Francisco Calif. The truth is that she didn’t actually use those aircraft. Well, she did once in a while, but only because the Air Force didn’t have a smaller plane available. It seems the request were made for the larger ones, she just wasn’t the one who made them. It was her staff.

It’s called plausible denialability. And Obama didn’t know what Geithner was up to either.

Yeah I know. I really liked the idea of her acting like the Wicked Bitch of the West, flying off the broom handle, abusing her power and arrogantly wasting the taxpayer’s dollars. To be fair, she’s only squandering and not outright wasting our money.

She generally flies for free in an Air Force C20, which is a Gulfstream III. This is the same plane Denny Hastert used. It only cost $900 an hour instead of the $22,000 for the larger craft. Makes it seem down right reasonable, doesn’t it?

The Speaker of the House averages 31, 11 hour round trip flights per year. These only cost us about 3.1 million. Not exactly free. This doesn’t cover the currently, unknown cost all those last minute canceled flights.

It seems Nancy likes to block out every weekend just in case she want to take a little plane flight with her family and friends. Then she waits until the last minute to cancel.

It’s really nice of her to be so thoughtful as to cancel. At least the pilots, air and ground crews can salvage some of their weekend.

Then we have all the other Congressional use of free Air Force planes. A few million more here and there. A mere pittance compared to, let’s say, I don’t know… maybe 9.3 trillion dollars!

It’s a start. I mean, if we’re going to go to any expense to retrieve $165 million, then it stands to reason we should be looking into any savings we can. It’s that line by line thing we heard about up until sometime last November.

They All Fall Down

The reason we foot the bill for these frequent flyers, is in response to the incident that happen in New York a few years ago, when some buildings fell down after being very bad indeed and needed to be brought to the ground. It seems a five sided building was naughty too and maybe some white house.

Since we no longer have enemy combatants or a War on Terror, I wasn’t sure if we could still talk about, hush… 9/11. If that term is now verboten and you’re offended, then I’m oh, so very sorry.

The Air Force was asked to keep some public officials safe -from certain, now unspecified people, who might find it necessary to fight for their freedom near these officials- by flying them around for free.

Still, the thought of those of us who can’t afford even a measly G3, fronting the cash so Nancy can go home almost every weekend, doesn’t sit very well. What it all comes down to is propriety.

The now defunct Trans American Airlines, better know as TWA, was hijacked so often by Middle Eastern types, it was widely referred to as Travel With Arabs.

So at some point in time this program was valid. But since the offensive terms have now been dropped by this administration, and with all the overtures made toward that part of the world, I’m sure they’re no longer angry at us.  We don’t need this service any longer.

As many of you know, I spend 20 years in the Army. I was stationed all across the southern portion of our country, Germany, Korea and Alaska. If I wanted to go home, I had to wait for leave and then get myself there on my own dime. That’s fine, I chose that profession and knew what I was getting into.

I’d like to believe the members of Congress, et al, knew that too. I could be wrong.

Now I’m not heartless. I want to see our hardworking civil servants get a chance to go home. I just don’t want them to fly for free.

Ridin’ The Rails

The National Railroad Passenger Corporation is a wholly government owned company. That’s right Big Brother owns an evil, Big Corporation. They operate AMTRAK. Joe Biden loves AMTRAK. He says it’s a “national treasure”.

We have dumped billions of dollars into this “treasure” and haven’t seen a red cent in return. But these railroad guys are smart. They got the system figured out. You see, they really don’t owe anything because they just pay the last “loan” off with the next one. As long as the money keeps coming in for your pockets to theirs, they’re in the clear.

Now Uncle Sam Joe wants another, paltry 1.3 billion for his beloved choo choo trains. Joe has been riding the train home for years. I think that’s wonderful. And if it’s good enough for the Veep to ride, then it’s good enough for Congress.

Now I’m sure we could get a group rate, but a monthly pass currently cost $579 a person. Multiply that by 100 in the Senate and 435 in the House and you get about 3.7 million per year in rail passes. Remember Pelosi spends over 3.1 million a year all on her own. We could save a bundle.

My question for you is, should we ride them out of town on a rail, or tell them to take a flying leap?

Les James has a humor blog, but he hasn’t been posting lately. So don’t waste your time.

Because Fiar asked for it…

Thanks to the guys at South Park for never being Politically Correct.

Yea verily, a vision has come unto me and removed the scales of heresy from mine eyes.

The truth I speak may seem to contradict everything you know about many of the world’s religions.  Still my brothers and sisters, I stand before you to say – I absolve Obama of all his transgressions. I, a most humble person of less-than-dirt worthiness, do hereby proclaim Our Saviour free of iniquity.

For he has made a phone call and has even written a note, asking for absolution.  The written word, I say! It must be obeyed!

I have gazed into his heart and soul and have seen the truth. I have been blessed by this vision. Transformed, I have now become a person of respect for his divinity.

We conservatives were wrong about this saintly man, and I will tell you why. It was not, I repeat not, a sin to cast -what many have seen as- aspersions upon a courageous group of people, who rise above the impediments fate has thrown in their way, and go on to show the world the true meaning of courage.

It was not Politically Incorrect for The Messiah to say he has the bowling skill of one who would bravely compete in the Special Olympics. For this misunderstood statement was much the same as any term of endearment, offered to one black man from another.

Yet if given by those of a lighter shade toward a person of color, it is a terrible transgression. For I see the statement for what it truly is.

I have seen the light that shines on Him and in it, I see Him as a peer to that sanctified, Protected Minority -the Mentality Challenged.

Blessed be His name,

Amen

In Related News

Our First Black President will not his Treasury Secretary go.  “Sorry, buddy, you’ve still got the job.” This is what Obama the Slaver said that he would tell Timmy Geithner if he ever dared try to resign.

Timmy!

Before you go getting your little girl panties all in a wad, take a look at the links.  Remember that I, like Obama am many levels above the vulgar hoy polloi. My message must interpreted for the nuisances it contains and divined to find its complete meaning. And after that if you still don’t like it -I couldn’t give a shit less.