Political Humor

That’s right, fair readers, Hollywood is going to remake the famous play by Arthur Miller, The Crucible. The Director, Harry Reid, promises to revisit the timeless themes explored by the classic work. Themes such as the hysteria exhibited by Americans in response to the “Red Threat,” dishonesty, lust, and betrayal. This version, however, will be set in modern times, and use more modern imagery, and allegory.

This version will be set in Washington DC. Events will be set into motion when Abigail Williams, played by Nancy Pelosi, gallantly braves the slings and arrows of corporate America and accuses top executives of being overpaid, and flying in jets. Thus starts the DC Executive Trials.

The Executive Trials are a time of much enlightenment. Officials smarter and better than the common folk will defend the commoners against the evils of profit, and capitalism. “Wallstreet” will be purged by the righteous fury of the Lord thy God.

Chris Dodd will have a major roll in the work. He will play the heroic, and dashing Deputy Governor Thomas Danforth. Through his righteous indignation, and certainty that he is more holy than thou, he pledges to rid the corporate landscape of highly paid executives.

One such evil executive, John Proctor, (played by Edward Liddy) will be called to repent his sins, and inform the Danforth of others who have committed the same sins. The demonic Proctor will not relent to the righteous questioning of Danforth and will be hanged by the neck until dead.

And the Lord thy God, in whose name these trials are being carried out will be played by none other than Barack Obama.

With such an all-star cast, and principled message, this movie is a shoe in at Cannes. It will win the Sundance award. This movie will win every Oscar that exists including the lifetime achievement award. Don’t miss it.

JumpOut is never on time with his posts. If you’re looking for him, he will be procrastinating at his Law Enforcement Humor blog, You Should Be Tasered.

The night was dark and damp. Tired of being oppressed by the witchcraft of capitalism, the mob gathered their torches and pitchforks and set out to make things right. They began by scouring the countryside in search of the witches and warlocks of capitalism.

As they approached the nearby airport, through the floodlights and fog, the mob could see a leer jet landing. The leader of the mob, a well dressed man with a funny name and big ears, turned to the mob and shouted, “We got one!”

As the jet landed the mob stormed the airport. The pilot, preoccupied with landing the plane did not see the approaching danger as he parked the jet, and helped his passenger exit to the tarmac.

As the dapper passenger was walking to the terminal of this small outlying airport, the mob rushed in and seized him and the pilot. The two travelers, were in shock. The passenger shouted, “Stop! Leave us alone! Why are you doing this?”

The leader said, “You are a rich and powerful Warlock that runs a large company. You have been oppressing us workers with your profit-making witchcraft! We have arrested you! You will now be tried and executed!”

The passenger said, “You can’t do this!”

The mob chanted “Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!”

“I practice no witchcraft,” the passenger explained, “I run a large company because I worked my way to the top. I went to school, and earned a degree. I worked very hard for my company, and earned everything I have!”

“Nobody earns a jet! We don’t have jets! Only through witchcraft can you obtain the ability to fly! You have sold your soul the Devil!” Exclaimed the mob’s leader.

“He turned me into a newt!” Shouted a voice from the mob.

The leader, bewildered asked, “Alright, who let Joe join the mob? I told you tell him we were going bowling and we didn’t have enough room for him. Great, now he’s going to be saying stupid stuff all night.

“As I was saying, we’re going to execute you as a warlock, and dismantle your company. You will not be allowed to use your witchcraft to oppress the proletariat anymore!”

“Look,” exclaimed the passenger, “my company employees thousands of people just like you. Men and women who are able to provide for their families because they work for me and my company. If you kill me and dismantle my company, you will be putting them out of work!”

The mob began to get to quiet, and look around. What this man said was making sense.

The leader shouted, “Lies! All lies! You cast your profit-making magic on them, and turned them into slaves! Nobody deserves to be rich while there are poor people! You will burn at the stake for your wickedness!”

“A fart on this executive!” Exclaimed Joe. The leader just shook his head.

The passenger replied, “If you kill me, how will that improve your situation? I’ll be dead, but you will still be what you are. On top of that, the thousands of men and women that work for me will be out of a job. Is that what you want?”

“”But he has got a wart!” Shouted Joe.

“Joe, for the love of Pete, shut up!” The leader scolded.

The pilot, who had been watching quietly interjected, “People, I am a working man, just like you. I’ve been watching these proceedings quietly, but I must speak out. Don’t you see what your leader is doing to to you? He isn’t one of you! He claims to be. He tells you what you want to hear, but he is not unemployed, or poor. He makes his money of your misery. If he uses you to kill men like my boss, soon there will be no way for you to provide for yourself with an honest day’s work. You will have to turn to him. He is trying to control you!”

The leader, realizing his mob was starting to be swayed by the impassioned speech from the pilot, had to think of something quick before the mob turned on him. He shouted, “But this guy has a jet! How many of you have a jet? And this guy spent a gazillion dollars remodeling his office! He negotiated a severance package in his contract that will pay him eighty gazillion dollars if he gets fired! That’s not fair!”

“Who weeps for these weeps for corruption!” Shouted Joe.

The mob became enraged. Chants of “Burn Him Now! Burn Him Now!” flooded forth.

How does this story end? We’ll see.

JumpOut is willing to lead your witch hunt for a small fee. You can find him at his law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered.