Political Humor

Twas the night before Obama’s Unprecedented Christmas, and all throughout Washington,

Not a creature was stirring except Tim Geithner and his printing press.

The Mao ornaments were hung on the White House Christmas tree with care,

In hopes that St. Karl soon would be there.

And under that tree will be some really cool stuff of course.

“When it comes to gifts, ‘I give nicer stuff than I get,’ President Barack Obama said half-jokingly in an interview to air on ABC television Sunday.”

I bet the Queen of England can’t wait to open her present.

At least an IPod is better then the gift our government is giving us: health care reform. Grandma better not get run over by a reindeer in 2013 or she will be facing the death panels.

The Congressmen and women were snug in their beds,

While visions of Obama signing the Health Care Reform bill into law danced in their heads.

Yahoo also has visions of Obama-mania apparently:

“The Obama family faces yet another first this holiday season: their first Christmas in the White House. The people want to know what they’ll do and where they’ll be.”

Who are these “people”? Obama doesn’t show up on the web pulse list in the picture. He’s getting beat by the Van Halen version of Guitar Hero and appetizer recipes.

And as of this writing he doesn’t come up in the top twenty of Yahoo’s Buzz or Google Trends.

Bo Obama the family pet, however is like #11.

Is that unprecedented too?

Obama’s ratings are dropping like a rock. He isn’t coming up at the top of search results anymore. Hell, his dog is more popular then he is.

And it’s not even 2010 yet.

Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout the land,

Conservatives slept happily knowing the defeat of liberalism is soon at hand.

Merry Christmas everyone.

________________________________________________________

Chris Cameron is a writer/columnist/beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own blog Angry Seafood.

Just like this past Thanksgiving, Les and Fiar ran out the door leaving me to create a post on one of the biggest holidays of the year, Christmas.

I’m not even getting paid to do this.

[Chris shakes fist at sky]

Oh wait, Fiar left his liquor cabinet open again. Oooh Southern Comfort and Wild Turkey? You shouldn’t have. Merry Christmas me. Now where are those shot glasses?

Now that I have thrown back a few shots I am going to do something I rarely do: a blog bandwagon-type post, specifically a wish list. Here we go.

Fiar: A pet hippie you can beat whenever you like. Since moonbats think humans are the root of all evil in the happy magical land of Gaia then isn’t Fiar simply helping them reach their goal with repeated beatings of said smelly 60′s left-overs? Buy a friend the gift of a pet hippie and you will achieve . You will.

Les: You get the gift of picking out the pet hippie for Fiar. Take your time though there are so many good ones to choose from. Make sure the pick is housebroken too if you can.

JumpOut: What else? The best Taser money can buy. I’ll go on to someone else as you are probably anxious to try your new toy out on some unsuspecting moonbats.

Barack Obama: Your real birth certificate. Now you can shut up all these idiots who think you are not a US citizen. I don’t know why they continue on with this madness. You will find ways to f^^k things up all by yourself without any help from the right-wing moonbats and their conspiracies. I have the utmost faith in you Barack to fail on your own merits.

AGW Believers (The Global Warming people): The complete DVD set of Little House on the Prairie. Since this was the last time humans used wind, solar, and water power pretty much exclusively it would be a great guide on how to live in the future.

Massachusetts Voters: The new movie Taxachusetts II: This Time We’re Taking All of It. By voting 70-30% in favor of keeping the state income tax, you have told your political leaders that you are in favor of being taxed at will. Good luck with that.

Gay People Offended By The Pope’s Remarks On Gender Roles: A reality check. Were you expecting him to say something favorable to your cause? He’s the Pope. If anything you should laugh at his remarks as they came a good six weeks after the hype that would have gotten him more press coverage. Plus, he picked one of the slowest news days of the year to make his comments. No worries.

Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Hanukkah,  well wishes for any other way you celebrate this time of year. Enjoy the day and safe travels.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Thursday here at RadioactiveLiberty. He also has his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

More Christmas Humor:

* Obama Night Before Christmas Parody
* Holiday Gift Ideas
* Does Santa Claus Hate the Jews?
* 12 Days of Christmas Parody
* Democrats Should Run the North Pole

Since Democrats have control of Congress, and won the Presidential election in a landslide victory, it’s clear the American people are confident in the way the Democrats run things.

Since we’re so confident in the Democrats, I think we should give them control of the North Pole. Santa has been doing some shoddy work lately, and i think a dose Liberalism is just what the Big Guy needs to turn things around.

First things first, Old St. Nick is a bit squishy around the mid-section. I mean, he’s already several hundred years old, and we know that obesity, combined with old age is a sure death sentence. In order to bring Santa’s weight under control, we’ll need to pass a fat tax. All egg nog, gingerbread houses, candy-canes, chocolate chip cookies, and all other foods that contain fat, and/or sugar shall be subject to a 20% sales tax.

We’ll use the extra revenue to build fitness centers around Santa’s workshop (at a 200% mark-up and supplied by Nancy Pelosi’s brother-in-law), and we’ll mandate that all Christmas operations must be suspended for an additional hour every day to make time for working-out.

The next order of business will be to protect North Polese labor. The workers need to get organized, and stand up for their rights. There will be no more elves working until they die. There will be a 20 gumdrop/hour raise across the board. We’re going to start ELFU (Elven Labor Federal Union), and institute the card-check program to ensure that the elves are protected from the bourgeoisie evil Santa Corp.

Finally, Al Gore has informed us that over the last twenty years, the average temperature of the north pole is up one tenth of one tenth of a percent.

Effective immediately we must pass legislation controlling the diet of the reindeer. We need to alter their diet to reduce their flatulence. All that methane gas is destroying the environment. We’ll also need to mandate that all light bulbs be changed to compact fluorescent bulbs. We’ll legislate that the fireplace in Kris Kringle’s shop only run for three hours during the middle of the night.

To ensure compliance with all these regulations, we’re going to appoint a North Pole Czar. The obvious choice is Kelly Osbourne. She is supremely qualified since she is a female, comes from a famous family, and…well that’s all you really need, isn’t it? There will be no more problems in the North Pole! Yaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

Update for 2009:

It seems Santa is in jail for shoplifting egg nog. We could get Kelly Osbourne to do the deliveries, but for the first time in centuries, Santa’s Workshop couldn’t get all the orders filled this year, and Donner and Cupid died of malnutrition.

Rudolph passed away as well, but he died from mercury poisoning when the compact florescent bulb the government mandated be installed in his nose broke. Also, for the first time in centuries Santa’s Workshop reported a budget deficit. It’s so awful in the North Pole right now.

We must act immediately to save the North Pole! We have legislation in the works to fix every problem in the North Pole. It must be passed, the North Pole is too big to fail!

You can find JumpOut at his police humor blog, You Should be Tasered. The only place on the internet to learn how not to get killed by the police.

Original Image: Santa Under Arrest by Stéfan

More Christmas Humor:

* Obama Night Before Christmas Parody
* Holiday Gift Ideas
* Does Santa Claus Hate the Jews?
* 12 Days of Christmas Parody