Political Humor

How the hell is T Boone Pickens supposed to build the 45,654,687,324,753,281,286,456,213,435 windmills needed to provide clean energy to the state of Wyoming if these damn oil companies keep finding these post-peak deposits?

It sure is a problem. The planet was supposed to be running out of oil by now but we keep finding more. Not like we ever actually “ran out” of a previous fuel. People still burn peat. Whales haven’t gone away despite the efforts of the Sea Shepard to continually snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on their behalf. (That’s always fun to watch by the way.)

Anyways…

Recently, a 5-20 billion deposit was discovered off the coast of Cuba. And get this: Obama is letting companies drill in the Gulf again.

Noble Energy Inc. on Tuesday reported an oil discovery at a deepwater well in the Gulf of Mexico that was the first such drilling project to receive a permit after the government lifted a post-BP spill drilling moratorium…

…(the well)Santiago is the third oil discovery in Noble’s Galapagos project in the Gulf of Mexico, including prior successes at Santa Cruz and Isabela. Noble expects all three wells will be online early next year. The company estimates the three discoveries contain 130 million barrels of oil.

You’d think he would hold a press conference between the front and back nine to let us know he’s all over the whole drilling more oil thing. What, they can’t fit a teleprompter in the golf cart?

Baby steps I guess.

But maybe we are actually running out of oil and all these “discoveries” are the work of Sarah Palin and Andrew Breitbart. They are secretly buying oil and are filling undersea caverns with the stuff to make it look like we are not running out, thus furthering the right-wing conspiracy backed by the right-wing media.

Plus, they get a cut of the oil profits, and a stake on the commodities markets so they can manipulate the selling price.

Palin’s bus tour? Breitbart’s book marketing appearances? Distractions from what’s really going on.

Oh, and the money to buy the oil is being provided by a third party subsidiary aligned with the Koch brothers.

That’s the kind of crazy logic you’ll get from the radicals on the left. They want to go back to 1811.

The climate change alarmists are gearing up for the next scare-tival this week with a round of “discussions” on Global Warming.

I would not marry a bureaucrat. It would take forever to divorce her. The “discussions” would be endless, as well as the paperwork.

Anyway, this week in Bonn, Germany a bunch of moonbats will gather to commiserate over the recent bad news about all this carbon dioxide, I mean pollution in the air:

Despite 20 years of effort, greenhouse gas emissions are going up instead of down, hitting record highs as climate negotiators gather to debate a new global warming accord.

The new report by the International Energy Agency showing high emissions from fossil fuels is one of several pieces of bad news facing delegates from about 180 countries heading to Bonn, Germany, for two weeks of talks beginning Monday.

So how much CO2 did we, the evil humans add last year? 30 gigatons, which happens to be 333,333,334 million tons. Holy crap do they realize that goes completely against the Warmists’ oft-repeated claims of 20-30 billion?

Man, imagine if they also revealed that all our exhaling, driving, bbq’ing, and other fossil fuel-using activities added a whopping .0000056% CO2* in 2010.

We added point zero zero zero zero zero fifty-six percent more CO2 to an atmosphere that clearly cannot handle this kind of dramatic swing in the amount of gases in its system.

The horrors!

We should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing such a travesty to happen. We should be feeling outrageously outrageous outrage like Fatih Birol is experiencing.

Fatih Birol, the IEA’s chief economist, says the energy trend should be “a wake-up call.”

.0000056% Fatih. Not much of a wake-up call. Is the cell phone on silent? And if the phone doesn’t ring should we assume it is the energy trend?

And just in case the “scare the crap out of voters by positioning .0000056% as significant change in CO2 concentration” meme doesn’t work the Climate Changers have a backup: “humans have been screwing up the climate for like forever man“. Whatever floats your boat.

Poor countries say the wealthy West, whose industries overloaded the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and other climate-changing gases over the last 200 years, is not doing enough to cut future pollution.

See what they did there? They took decades of CO2 “pollution” and morphed it into 200 years of planet abuse.

Humans: screwing up the atmosphere since 1811.

*333 mill of CO2 divided into the 6,000,000,000,000,000 quadrillion tons of the atmosphere is .0000056% of the total weight.

Check out Chris Cameron’s other ramblings and satire at his blog Trees Hate Hugs. A water cooler for your browser.

Earth Day was first celebrated on April 22, 1970, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Lenin. No coincidence of course.

Ira Einhorn a.k.a. the Unicorn Killer was the emcee for the event and was so smitten by the cause he composted a girlfriend he killed rather than simply bury her.

Because we all know that cemeteries are not eco-friendly. And dead people do not create a carbon footprint.

And so a tradition was born.

Every year since then a bunch of eco-crazies, their supporters, and hypnotized followers gather to commiserate over the slow composting death of the planet or something like that.

And they just don’t stick to one day either.

It’s like an Earth Month.

In Indianapolis they were taking hair samples for mercury testing:

When the Sierra Club’s nationwide campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of mercury arrived on Friday, just in time for Earth Day, more than two dozen residents showed up to have their hair tested…

In all, 28 people showed up to have their locks shorn on Friday and shipped off to the University of Georgia Marine Extension Service Laboratory in Brunswick, where researchers will analyze them for the toxic chemical element, one of the many pollutants generated by the country’s coal-burning power plants.

Mercury, which has been found to be especially dangerous for pregnant women and children, is best tested through hair samples because that’s the way the chemical is excreted from the body, Sierra Club spokeswoman Rachele Huennekens said.

Best tested? Rachele apparently failed to do a Google search. From Web MD on the topic of hair testing for elements:

Hair analysis has become more reliable and acceptable over the past 20 years. But there are still issues that raise legal and ethical questions about its use, including possible false positives and different results for people with different hair colors or ethnic backgrounds…

The American Medical Association (AMA) is against the use of hair analysis to make recommendations about the need for medical treatment. The organization states that the use of hair analysis for this purpose is an unproven practice and may lead to health care fraud…

The significance of most of the findings from hair analysis is unclear. It is difficult to interpret a hair analysis for the presence of heavy metals without other testing.

I wonder if the participants were asked if they had CFL light bulbs in their homes? Probably not because the mercury in those things are okay because they were approved by liberals.

If someone has mercury poisoning it had to have come from the coal-fired plant fifty miles away. It can’t be from the ten curly fry mercury-filled light bulbs in their eco-friendly house.

What a bunch of amateurs.

Happy Earth Day, or Month or whatever.

H/T Jammie Wearing Fool for the link to the Einhorn story.