Political Humor

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about deficits, spoiled children, and wasteful spending…

When Will the Deficit Be Obama’s Fault?

My guess is never:

Nine months into the fiscal year, the federal deficit has topped $1 trillion for the first time…The Treasury Department said Monday that the deficit in June totaled $94.3 billion, pushing the total since the budget year started in October to nearly $1.1 trillion.

The problem is the mental disorder that is Liberalism is like AIDS. It breaks down the immune system, leaving the body unable to fight other diseases. In this case the moonbats are clearly in the throes of Bush Derangement Syndrome.

My favorite part of the story is of course the comments like this one:

“And the federal fiscal year started in October, hence Bush. Really, for being all patriotic, you righties seem to never understand how the government works…”

Hmm I thought federal budgets were written and approved by Congress? I know, the President submits his recommendations but it is the responsibility, (and I use that term loosely since the lefties do as well), of Congress to write and pass the thing. Last time I checked, the 2009 budget was written by a Democratic-favored legislative system.

But what do I know about civics?

I am one of those “righties” after all. Anyone have a gun and a bible I can borrow? I misplaced mine.

Red Dress A Lot Like the Golden Goose

From the whiny, spoiled department of the news:

The union that represents flight attendants who worked for Northwest Airlines before it was bought by Delta Air Lines is crying foul over Delta’s failure to offer bigger sizes for its signature red dress uniform designed by Richard Tyler.

But can an employee get a bigger size in other colors?

The red dress currently is only offered up to size 18, though a Delta spokeswoman said the airline offers a range of outfits in other colors and styles up to size 28 that flight attendants can wear.

But I want the red dress! I want it now! I don’t care if it means the costs of lawsuits will be passed on to the consumer! I want it now now now!

Good thing nobody ever thought of suing Willy Wonka or the movie would have ended up as an adventure in litigation.

Surprise! Pennsylvania Government Wasted Money

Who cares if nobody actually uses handicapped ramps?

Wyomissing Borough Council members are questioning why the state is requiring the borough to spend $12,000 to install handicap curb cuts at an intersection that has no sidewalks.

As long as complying with the Americans with Disabilities Act helps citizens feel better on the inside, costs should never be an issue. It is only $12,000 after all.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

That’s right, fair readers, Hollywood is going to remake the famous play by Arthur Miller, The Crucible. The Director, Harry Reid, promises to revisit the timeless themes explored by the classic work. Themes such as the hysteria exhibited by Americans in response to the “Red Threat,” dishonesty, lust, and betrayal. This version, however, will be set in modern times, and use more modern imagery, and allegory.

This version will be set in Washington DC. Events will be set into motion when Abigail Williams, played by Nancy Pelosi, gallantly braves the slings and arrows of corporate America and accuses top executives of being overpaid, and flying in jets. Thus starts the DC Executive Trials.

The Executive Trials are a time of much enlightenment. Officials smarter and better than the common folk will defend the commoners against the evils of profit, and capitalism. “Wallstreet” will be purged by the righteous fury of the Lord thy God.

Chris Dodd will have a major roll in the work. He will play the heroic, and dashing Deputy Governor Thomas Danforth. Through his righteous indignation, and certainty that he is more holy than thou, he pledges to rid the corporate landscape of highly paid executives.

One such evil executive, John Proctor, (played by Edward Liddy) will be called to repent his sins, and inform the Danforth of others who have committed the same sins. The demonic Proctor will not relent to the righteous questioning of Danforth and will be hanged by the neck until dead.

And the Lord thy God, in whose name these trials are being carried out will be played by none other than Barack Obama.

With such an all-star cast, and principled message, this movie is a shoe in at Cannes. It will win the Sundance award. This movie will win every Oscar that exists including the lifetime achievement award. Don’t miss it.

JumpOut is never on time with his posts. If you’re looking for him, he will be procrastinating at his Law Enforcement Humor blog, You Should Be Tasered.

Hi, I’m JO the Roofer. Remember me? I’m the guy you hired to redo your roof last time. I know it didn’t go very well. It leaked, and ruined your floors, and I’m sure you’re pissed. I know your furniture is ruined, and the toxic mold in your walls from all the moisture is a real bummer. I also understand how angry you are about the amount of water pouring through ruining your foundation. I want you to know one thing: It’s not my fault.

This is a dire emergency, and to fix it we’ll have to act fast. If you wait any longer, the mold could kill you and with the foundation problems, your house might fall on your head! Your whole family will die if you don’t do this IMMEDIATELY! You have no time to think about it, or come up with your own plan! I know it sounds crazy, but you have to trust me since I did such a great job with your roof! Do you want your family to die? With all my experience as a roofer, I know just what to do that’ll fix everything!

First, you need to borrow money that you don’t have, as much as you can get, and give it to me. For your family not to die, it’ll have to be a lot of money. Your house is too important to let it fall down and start over.

Next, what I’m going to do is take your money, and give it to some of my cousins. I have a cousin that does foundation work, and his business is failing, so he’ll get some. I also have a cousin that does mold remediation, and his business is also in trouble, so he’ll get some. But wait, there’s more! I have still another cousin who owns a flooring business, and guess what! His business is failing to and we’ll give him some money! And I’ll take some money, and we’ll rebuild your house.

What? You don’t trust my cousins? Why not? I taught them everything they know about construction. Don’t worry though, I’m going to appoint a few of my brothers-in-law to oversee the work. I taught them everything they know, too. It’ll be fine! We’ll fix all this, you’ll see. Trust me!

Wait! What are your doing? Why are you hitting me!? OW!!! Not in the FACE!!!!

If you liked this, you’ll love JumpOut’s Law Enforcement Humor and Political Satire blog, You Should Be Tasered!