Political Humor

“God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat” -Henry Louis Mencken, 1880-1956

I heard this adage many years ago, and all but forgot it. Recently I heard it again, and it got me thinking. While I don’t believe God would ever lower himself to be a part of any political party -they all seem rather ungodly to me- Santa is a Democrat fits.

Consider this:

Take Santa out of the red suit, put him in sandals, torn Levis, and a tie-dyed T-shirt, whatcha  got? Hum? An ancient, long-haired, bearded, clay pipe smokin’ hippie. That’s what. Doesn’t sound like any Republican I know. Maybe a few Libertarians…

He eats cookies, drinks milk (that we’re expected to provide for him, on the same day every year. Can you say April 15th all over again?) and gives candy to little kids who sit on his lap. Have you ever heard of Santa sitting down to slab of  beef and a beer? Or maybe a juicy hamburger and fries? Me either, and what about that candy thing? It’s down-right Un-American, more than a little creepy and smacks of veganism. Very Democratic, I’d say.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Wow, Obamacare.

Claus uses religion -by calling himself  Saint Nick- but never will you hear him mention the baby Jesus. In fact, in many places he’s institutionally substituted for Jesus. Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ.

He has no visible means of support. This leads me to believe Santa’s funded by looting programs like Social Security.  So, it’s our money. Then he brings us “gifts” telling us it’s “free”. And what do we get? Crap we don’t want, can’t use, wears-out quickly and always ends-up costing a lot more than “free”. Does he ever ask if we want his “gifts”? Noooo, but we’re expected to be grateful and except ‘em with smiles on our faces. Another name for gifts, is pork.  Santa hates the Jews.

Santa Claus and his “elves” wear disguises, run a huge operation from a secret site, and make toys. If Santa was a Reaganite, he’d be making weapons. That’s how you get Peace on Earth.

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus -The Killers

Which reminds me, if anyone’s interested in the location to the Military Industrial Complex, I’m selling it to the highest bidder. To prove I can be generous, I’ll donate a full 10% to the Undocumented Democrats Voter’s League.

If you were bad this year, who but an enviro-mental Dem, would give you their most hated substance on the planet -coal?  If Santa was conservative, you’d get a copy of a Michael Moore film instead.

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. If that’s not Orwell’s Big Brother, what is? Don’t even get me started on the Naught and Nice List.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus -Hello, Bill Clinton.

Like George Soros, The Claus shelters his money offshore. Santa has never filed a tax return in the U.S..  He makes Little Timmy Geithner look like an amateur, and makes me sick.

While your kids are sleeping, all snug in their beds, Santa’s creeping around your house, without a warrant.

Then there’s the Al Gore connection. Santa Claus flies around the world, in his private aircraft, espousing the virtues of  non-fossil fuel transportation.  I’m here to tell you, reindeer crap impacting your poinsettias from 15,000 feet ain’t earth friendly.

Next we’re going to be told, being Santa is patriotic, and if we’re not Santa-like, we’re anti-charity, elf-o-phobic, and we hate fat people. Global warming has to be stopped, or Santa won’t have anyplace to live. Christmas will disappear. We have to do it for the children.

If  this overwhelming abundance of evidence still doesn’t convince you that Santa Claus is a Democrat, then you’re obviously a Democrat. As such, there’s almost no hope for you. But take heart in your belief that Santa is real, and free stuff really does mean free. Despite how much it will hurt your eyes to read this, Merry Christmas.

“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.” -Henry Louis Mencken

Unfortunately, not everyone in the world realizes yet that RadioactiveLiberty.com is the Planet’s Best Political Humor. The good news is that Google finally seems to have realized that when it comes to conservative political humor, About.com sucks a dirty hippie when compared to us.

There are those who say that gloating is poor form. But those people probably just don’t have anything worth gloating about. How else is everyone supposed to know that we are better than them, unless we remind them every chance we get?

They could be happily drifting along, falsely believing that we are equals. So, I say to you, it is our patriotic duty to taunt the losers when we are the winners. Especially when those losers are a multi-million dollar corporation, and we’re just a blog with a lazy as Hell owner.

Here you see a query for conservative political humor as entered into Scroogle.Org. The reason for using Scroogle is that Google has a tendency to track your history, and notice the sites you click through to. In other words, Google knows I am partial to RadioactiveLiberty.com, and will rank it higher for queries just because **I** am the one running those searches.

This can result in erroneous results. Scroogle goes directly through the Google data center, without adding results altering personalizations.

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed over the years to help make this happen. Especially Chris and Les, since they do all the work. Good news guys! I had cut your pay due to the financial crisis, but I’m bumping you back up to your original pay grade. What’s a 50% increase over zero?

Also, thanks to anyone that has ever linked the site, subscribed, posted links to Facebook or other social media channels, or done anything else to bring in more visitors.

The Top 10 Political Humor Posts of 2009 (so far)

Since the first of January, 2009 until August 21, 2009, the photoshopped hot Sarah Palin Pictures from Les has brought in the most traffic. Beating out the number of visits to the home page plus the next two single pages combined. Les is by far, the best political humor image artist out there.

My facts on global warming satire continues to be one of the most visited posts on the site, and better yet, is a never-ending source of agitation for Global Warming Doomsday Cult believers.

There still appears to be no significant difference between Republicans and Democrats.

However, people still worship Obama, and want to waste their money on the Obama Presidential Coin Collection.

You might not make any green, but you can learn how to be more “Green” as a dirty hippie offers these tips on how to save the planet.

Les gets an exclusive photoshop of an old man checking out Sarah Palin in a Wonder Woman outfit.

Am I the only one getting sick of all the Les James posts in this roundup? Here he is… again with some economic stimulus jokes, including Obama talking out of his ass.

Many people seem to want to know what will make the world a better place. I provide one possible answer.

Les wrote some sort of infomercial or other about Billy Mays endorsing an Obama product of some sort. Whatever. I’m stating to get sick of this Les guy by now.

Yay me! Rounding out the top 10 from January to late August is an Obama Hope and Change joke.

Two more posts that have been strong over the last month, but are a little new to make the yearly top 10 are the 2009 Portsmouth NH Health Care Town Hall Protests from Beat Reporter Chris Cameron, and a satire on Obama Work at Home Government Jobs Programs, by me, because I am awesome. (Who threw that extra link in there?)

Check out the posts linked above and don’t be greedy. Add them to Delicious or Fire off those links to friends on Twitter.

Frank J. of Imao.Us right wing humor, wrote a satire about how smart President Obama is. If you’re not familiar with Frank’s work, I would spend some time over at Imao.Us and familiarize yourself. Frank and his site are probably the main reason why RadioactiveLiberty political humor exists.

Normally I don’t pay any attention to his comments or responses, but this time he drew attention to a response on the Daily Kos. The Kos diary was the same old, tired, predictable “conservatives like Faux News because they’re too stupid to understand the enlightened complexity of Pravda.”

This got me thinking about all the times that I have read some dull Liberal screed about “why conservatives aren’t funny,” because the reasoning behind such wastes of bandwidth are almost identical in their vacuous and insipid line of reasoning. In fact, we’re treated to such a discourse in the comments section of the Pajamas Media post by comment #38.

As for this article . . . Brilliant? Very funny? Flat-out hilarious? . . . Nonsense. This essay is a perfect example of conservative thinking . . . half-assed, desperate and aimed at the lowest common denominator. There’s nothing clever about it. It offers no new insights. It’s just re-heated leftovers from EVERY OTHER POST on this site, proof yet again that conservatives are nothing more than humorless, witless, sexually repressed retards.

What this particular analysis of why conservatives aren’t funny has in common with all of it’s tiresome, predictable conservatives are teh stoopid rants is that is completely and utterly fails to look at the situation from the angle of how to write humor. This is predictable, as Liberals are prone to completely and utterly failing to comprehend anything that isn’t one of their own vapid fantasies.

What is Political Humor?

As any author of political jokes knows, writing political humor is largely based on some form of cruelty. Usually, the goal of a political joke is to, in some way, ridicule, humiliate, mock, or make folly of something to which the author is opposed. That can be a politician, a policy, an organization, or just a broad class of people, like Conservatives, or Liberals.

Sometimes the goal is compliance or persuasion through humiliation or ridicule. Other times, it’s just the pleasure we get of knowing that it’s the other people that are the stupid ones. In other cases, it’s just a matter of bringing levity to a situation so that it does not weigh too heavily on us, like with making jokes about a bad economy.

What most screeds about why conservatives aren’t funny do seem to grasp is that we’re being cruel towards them. What they don’t seem to grasp is that they are doing exactly the same in return. They see what they are doing as funny and what we are doing as – to quote commenter #38 above – humorless and witless.

The Key to Writing Cruel Humor

This is because of the nature of cruelty based humor. In order for cruelty based humor to be funny, the audience member, or reader needs to feel that the ridicule, humiliation, whatever is deserved. This is why ironic justice is funny. If someone is a total cocknozzle and winds up humiliated, that makes us say, “Yeah! You had that one coming, cocknozzle.” It’s pleasurable because it appeals to our sense that what goes around comes around.

This is the premise for why a movie like Home Alone is funny. A cute kid beats up on bad guys in clever ways. Whenever Kevin gets one over on the bad guys, it triggers the brain to produce pleasure, because they’ve earned their punishment. In fact, it triggers enough pleasure to produce laughter.

Video Link: Home Alone Trailer

To understand Liberal political humor, you have to understand that in their tiny, insufficient lemming brains, they truly, sincerely and deeply believe that conservatives are evil, destructive, violent, malevolent, demonic cavemen. The best case scenario is that we’re simply stupid. Either way, give a conservative an inch, and it’s mushroom clouds and extinct species for everyone.

As Conservatives, we know that Liberals are evil, America hating, terrorist loving, tax increasing, Socialist, tree hugging Dirty Hippie Communists. The best case scenario is that they are simply stupid. Either way, give a liberal an inch, and it’s mushroom clouds and extinct species for everyone. Therefore, they are deserving of the ridicule that we direct towards them.

There is an element of fantasy to what we do. In Home Alone, where Kevin did plenty of things that would have killed an actual human, yet only minor injury was inflicted on the bad guys. On the same note, when we talk of beating hippies, we are speaking of the manner in which the fantasy stimulates the pleasure center of the brain. By no means are we advocating actual violence.

Conservatives are smart enough to understand the more complicated nuances of such things, but Liberals, with their convoluted, drug addled minds, are not sophisticated enough to differentiate between fantasy and reality. This is why they think we just need to show a little compassion to the terrorists and it will be Kumbaya and unicorns for everyone.

Why Liberals Aren’t funny

Based on the Liberal delusion of reality, President George W. Bush was a vicious genocidal maniac. Thus, Tony Snow was the propaganda mouthpiece for a deranged mass murderer. This is why they seemed to think it was appropriate to laugh about Tony Snow having cancer.

You would not be concerned for the family of Joseph Goebbels if he was said to have cancer, and in the hallucinogenic Moonbat mind, that is exactly what Tony Snow was. To the moonbats, the cruelty was more than deserved.

One thing I have noticed about Liberal political humor is that is generally lacks the self awareness that is often exhibited in it’s conservative counterpart. It’s exceedingly rare to see a Liberal satire that simultaneously takes jabs at the author’s own perspective, while offering a more severe level of ridicule at the opposing viewpoint. They just lack the ability to make fun of themselves. All well written humor stems from a good humor toward oneself, especially when that humor is cruelty based.

That is why Liberals aren’t funny. So, the next time a Liberal makes a joke that fails to hit the mark. Don’t get mad. Laugh. Not with them. Laugh at them.

Because they deserve it.