Political Humor

Welcome to Obama Care. Any day now you’ll be able to walk into a doctor’s office, health clinic, or hospital, and receive absolutely free medical treatment.

Huh? Come -on, I’m trying to write here. What? Are you sure? Well, alright.

I guess I was wrong. In about four years, you’ll be able to get free… Hang on.

What now? You got to stop interrupting. Really?

I’m wrong again. You’ll only receive free health care, if you don’t pay into the tax system. Everyone else is going to get soaked.

Do I have that right at least? No? Oh, okay, but this is the last time.

If you pay nothing in income tax , AND you don’t drive a car, don’t pay electric bills, or make any purchases what so ever, Then you might get free health care.

Yeah thanks for your “valuable” input . Just shut-up and let me tell this will you?

No, not you… Fiar. Have you wondered where he’s been? I’ll tell you. He’s been bugging the hell out of me while I trying to write this post, that’s where.

What? No you can’t watch pay per view porn on my TV. Yeah, I know there’s no more beer or cheese puffs, you saw to that. Don’t blow your nose on the curtains!

Sorry. Look, the point I’m trying to make is…

Holy crap, show tunes? I don’t care if it’s  punk covers, it’s still show tunes. Next you’re going to tell me you blog about wedding dresses.

I apologize… again.  Looks like I won’t be able to give you my usual spot-on analysis this week.  But I will part with this: Obama Care, Cap and Trade, a Value Added Tax and higher income taxes vs The Thing that Won’t Leave. I’m not sure which is worse.

Ahhh! What crawled up your butt and died? Don’t sit there laughing. It’s not funny…

There. I told you, you’d regret  putting your picture up for me to copy and paste.

I own some blogs here and there. Sometimes I even post.

Eat Lead

So many of our elected civil servants (oxymoron alert) have swallowed the Far Left’s line, hook and sinker. For those of you who’ve never fished, the hook and line are an obvious part of the angling experience, but many may not know what the sinker is for. They’re lead pieces used to “sink” the hook to the bottom of a body of water. So to say our elected officials have swallowed… that is, the hook, line and sinker, means not only they’ve been caught, but also that they’re bottom feeders.

Please understand that while swallowing the hook and line causes me concern about their ability to make independent decisions (second oxymoron alert), politicians swallowing lead doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Especially if it’s traveling at a minimum of eight hundred feet per second.

Slanted Journalism at its Finest

Once again, I’ll take a very little real information, a large dose of personal opinion and several scoops of bias, and miraculously extrapolate a salient post. In other words, act just as irresponsibly as the Main Stream Media.

Somethin’s Fishy

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him prison chow. I heard Obama wants to ban sports fishing, making it a crime. I don’t know if that’s completely true, but it fits well with my preconceived notions.

We won’t be allowed fish, so we won’t eat fish. Cattle and pig farts kill polar bears. Take them off the menu. The treatment of chickens is immoral. Scratch KFC. That leaves vegetarianism, and I think I read somewhere that exclusively eating flora has a bigger carbon footprint than chowing down on bacon cheeseburgers. I’m so confused.

But seriously, would you Rather have a juicy bacon cheeseburger, or a seedy watermelon? One thing’s for sure, I don’t need a state trooper to flag me into the drive-though of my local, artery clogging fast food joint. I love going to these places, even if I have a hard time understanding the help.

For his next trick, the President wants to overhaul immigrants. I’m having my transmission overhauled. It’s not working right. Does this mean Obama wants to fix illegals so they work right? All I know is, in order to get my truck fixed, it’s going to cost a bundle.

As we segue into Obama Care (except segue means to transition without a pause, and now I’ve created one… crap)

Expensive? No way. Health Care reform will actually save money. Just think, 118 billion a year in savings! In no time at all, we’ll balance the budget, and turn that 40 Trillion in deficits and unfunded entitlements, into a surplus. I tried to figure-out how long that would take, but my calculator’s little screen wouldn’t hold all those zeros. We just have to get Obama’s John Hancock on the bill.

Rep. Louse Slaughter (D-NY) has a great idea for doing just that. Hang on. New York. Isn’t that where Charley Rangel, Eric Massa, Eliot Spitzer and David Patterson are from? Oops, got distracted. Anyway, Slaughter wants to have the House just kind of say they passed the Senate Health Care Bill without actually voting on it. Then Obama can sign it into law.

The Senate will then fix it so everyone is satisfied. After that, Pelosi says we can find out what’s in there. Of course it all grossly violates the Constitution, but what the hell, we got the health care the majority of Americans have been asking for. Happy days are here again.

How’d I do? Can I write for a major news outlet now?

With the recent gubernatorial wins in Virgina and New Jersey, and the near congressional win in up state New York, the Republican Party seems to be waking up.

2010 and 2012 are going to be very interesting election years. But it’s going to take a new approach to get a lot of us conservatives back into the fold. I suggest honesty. Below are ten new slogans for the Republicans, I’d like to see.

Sorry about the last few years. Our bad

The Republican Party -We’ve pulled our heads out.

Because Dems is a four letter word

The GOP doesn’t suck as bad as it use to

We only look like a third party

Promise, no McCain in 2012

We’re not organized enough to take over your health care

The Democrats just keep making us look better and better

Republicans -Too lazy to write a 1000 page bill, let alone a 2000 page one

Conservative? You Betcha!

Got any of your own?