Political Humor

So, Weiner was hacked by a prankster looking to make fun of his last name with a picture of what possibly could be his junk. Or not, he can’t be certain.

Don’t worry because he has launched an investigation. Guess who he hired?

Fresh off the case of the Alphabet Bandit (the one where they discovered the M was actually disquised as a W), Daily KOS CSI arrived on the scene and determined this was a conspiracy.

See, the user hacked Weiner’s account, posted the picture, took a screenshot, then either surrendered control to Weiner or deleted the picture himself. Then he sent the screenshot to Big Government, who posted it there.

Despite the best efforts of Daily KOS law enforcement the hacker remains at large. All Democratic Congresspersons are advised to be aware and prepared, and ready in case the hacker decides to post incriminating pictures on their twitter accounts.

He could strike at any time.

And conservatives are joining the search for the hacker at large too. Gateway Pundit is offering a $200 reward for information leading to the capture of the Weinergate Hacker. Iowahawk has put up $1,000 to bring the Weiner Hacker to justice.

Yesterday, in Part One of The Poop On Politicians And The 2012 Elections, we viewed politicians from the bottom up, and found out what they’re made of. Today, we discover what you’re made of.

Ass From A Hole In The Ground, Left From Right: This Is A Test

Before you go out to support a candidate this year, please take this pre-final exam:

Let’s Begin

Do a gut check of the person you’d like to see in office. Are they a politician? Or are they something far removed?

Do a figurative -or literal if you must- bowel check.

Next pretend it’s elections day and your candidate won. Now imagine the gut check in your right hand and the bowel check in your left. For those of you who are a little slow on this point, wish in one hand and shit in the other.

Your initial feeling from both should be warm and squishy.

Now try to imagine a short time later. A few hours should do.

By now your left hand will be feeling something cold and slimy. Not only that, but it stinks, and you’re really wishing you hadn’t done that. No matter how many times you repeat this experiment, the results are the same …the Left will always leave you hoping for change …a stiff brush, lye soap and a long, hot shower.

So what’s happening on the Right? Is it nasty, and does the vile odor wafting up make you wanna gag? Are you still wallowing in the Bog of Eternal Stench? Did you back yet another politician? What an asshole.

Or is it still warm, friendly and smells like a summer’s day after a rain? In this case, you didn’t elect a stealin’, deceivin’, poopy mouthed devil that you don’t trust as far as you can kick ‘em. Congratulations you passed. My hero!

What it all piles up to is, in world of hands the Left is only good for one thing. Woe be unto any who would except it as the hand of friendship, for it has nastiness under it’s fingernails.

Yea, verily, I say unto thee, the true, the correct …the right, Right is filled with goodness and RIGHTeousness, and welcomed by the faithful with open arms. The sun shines down upon us while the angles sing! The grass is greener on our side, and our hot tubs are filled to overflowing with milk and honey! Ah, scratch the last one. But still it’s mighty wonderful! Brothers and Sisters, can I get an amen?

Stepping out from behind the pulpit

This next election, I beg, I plead, please, please choose your candidates wisely and pick the right, Right people.

This in no way implies that Donald Trump was the right, Right. That guy’s been a corporate politician for decades. I can’t figure out how he combs his hair, let alone where he stand on the issues. Thank you Donald for bowing out. At least Mitch Daniels had the guts to tells us he actually cares about his family. Kudos, dude. Then there’s The Newt. Loser! Get your feet out of your mouth, and go make another documentary, or write a book or something, and stop muddying the waters, you dried-up old fart. And don’t get me started on that four-stringed guitar thumpin’ Huckabee Hound. Man am I glad he’s not running. Romney? Please. Hey, Mitt, do you and Trump share the same hairstylist? Oh, and are you going to have that campaign manager from last time? The one who looks like your stunt double? I thought you did your own stunts, like RomneyCare? Yeah, there’s a winning issue. By the way, Michele Bachmann has a bigger set of balls than any of you, and a nice pair up top too. Crap, I can’t get that image out of my head. Anyway, I could go on and on and on and…

Radioactive Liberty News  interrupts your usual programming to bring you this breaking news story…

Good evening, I’m Jim Fuddbutter and we have word that for the first time in recorded history, liberals and left-wingers are holding a pro-US rally for the Libyan War.

We now go to Chris Cameron live on the scene. Chris?

Chris: Thanks Jim and yes it is true. Liberals are holding a first-ever protest in support of an unnecessary and pointless war. The moonbats began gathering at noon and by mid-day the crowd swelled to thousands. They waved American flags, sang patriotic songs, and are even cleaning up after themselves. Our news crew captured some of the signage on display…

But nothing compared to what we witnessed an hour ago when all the protesters stopped to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, then followed it up with a stunning group rendition of “America the Beautiful”.  Teleprompters helped the crowd, providing the lines and lyrics.

It was a magical moment.

Jim: Historical.

Chris: Unprecedented.

Jim: And unexpected too.

Chris: That’s for sure. Nobody saw this one coming. We even had one of our interns double check Nostrodamus’ quatrains and the Bible Code for any hindsight predictions. Nothing.

Jim: I hear chanting in the background. What are they saying?

Chris: The Liberals took their age-old chants and modified them for the cause. One that went on for hours was “hey hey! ho ho! Khadaffi’s got to go!” They also were fond of  “What does France want? Oil! When do they want it? Now!“.

Hold on…there is a stir in the crowd. A large man is coming towards me. It’s Michael Moore. Get ready Jim there could be fireworks.

Chris: You are the last person I would expect here. What’s the deal?

Michael Moore: I’m here today because America is not broke. We have money and those state workers from New York that won the lottery should give up their earnings to pay for our deficit.

And you’re holding a cheeseburger. Hand it over. Me hungry!

Chris: Okay okay.

Jim: Are you alright?

Chris: Yes, Moore left once I surrendered my food.

Frankly Jim I’m not sure what to expect next. This is both awkward and surreal at the same time, much like a complete stranger saying hello to as you pass them by on the street.

But all of us will remember this day and where we were the first time liberals protested for a war. This is Chris Cameron signing off.

This has been a presentation of Radioactive Liberty News. Stay tuned later for another breaking news story…Media Matters reveals conservatives thought Obama was a socialist before he was elected. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.