Political Humor

Wow!

That’s pretty much my reaction to that poster from 1911, or just about anything currently coming out of the mouths of the Democrats.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear a new twist on the same failed policies from the past. No, not the ones George Bush used. I was thinking of the failed policies of Francisco Franco and Benito Mussolini -amongst others. Both of whom are still dead.

You suck my blood like a leech
You break the law and you preach
Screw my brain till it hurts
You’ve taken all my money
And you want more
Excerpt: Death on Two Legs, lyrics by Freddie Mercury

By in large, politicians just don’t listen. Once elected, they conveniently forget to the old, two ears, one mouth rule.  Still, there is a bit of difference between Democrats and Republicans. Some Republicans are starting to listen… a little.

Once they removed their giant elephant heads from their cranial repositories, they discovered a bunch of upset folks. Folks that are ready to vote them out, if they don’t straighten-up and fly (to the) right. But the Democrats have their donkey heads rammed so far up, it’s doubtful they could hear anything, except the non-stop, rhetorical diarrhea flowing from their pie-holes.

I’d have to suspect that talking that much shit -with an anal sphincter tightly constricted around ones neck- would lead to their bodily systems running in reverse. It’s no wonder they’ve got backwards ideas, like government creates jobs and Capitalism is too big. And of course, my favorite: the people of Massachusetts we’re so angry at W, they elected Scott Brown. If that’s not comically inversely proportional to reality, I don’t know what is.

With that kind of contrary thinking Dems, it’s time to kiss your asses goodbye. Some of you have more time than others, but all should practice puckering-up.  It should be convenient, your lips are already so very close.

But… There’s always a but when it comes to asses, and there are few larger butts or bigger asses than the one I’m about to mention. Believe it or not, I can actually think of one Democrat I’d like to see elected in 2012. It’s with this seemingly ridiculous statement in mind, I want to be first to throw my considerable political influence behind the campaign to elect Ted Kennedy as President.

Think about it.

Now that he’s dead, he finally knows how to keep his mouth shut.

We won’t have to worry about him being assassinated. The Secret Service will be happy about that.

Teddy wouldn’t be able to sign any spending Bills into law. This will make him extremely fiscally conservative.

He won’t be boring us, every other day, with some inane teleprompter speech. I’m pretty sick of hearing Obama read bromides that direct platitudes back to the speaker.

This list could go on and on. Feel free to add your own.

Still, the best reason I know,  to go All the Way with Teddy K in 2012, is no matter how much he stinks, it can’t be worse than the stench coming out of Washington now.

Conservative Political Satire and Climate Change Humor by Les James can be located at Sideshow Mirrors and Mild Max

If you recall last week we began an in depth examination of the difference between Republicans and Democrats as viewed through the crystal clear, unbiased lens of the blogosphere.  We conclude this week by looking into a few more areas where the two parties generally part philosophical ways.  All of this is to help you begin planning a good illness to fake on election day.

War and Military Might:

Republicans love wars. They like nothing better than to start a good fight by deploying American Imperialist Storm Troopers (made up of the poor) across the world, when they’re not busy beating-up hippies or queers (their not very PC either). Crushing the heads of other peoples’ children is a joyous pastime for these evil warmongers. This is why America is hated around the world

Democrats despise war, that’s why they cut the military every chance they get. No military, no war. They hate war so much that for almost the last 100 years they’ve started every major conflict outside of the current ones. WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam resulted in the deaths of millions of people, but they’re really sorry about that. Nuking Japan, killing and maiming countless thousands of civilians was best for the Japanese and Democrats always know what’s best. This is why Democrats are loved around the world.

Guns:

Republicans maintain that you can pry their guns out of their cold, dead hands. Democrats would find that that acceptable except they’re afraid to touch them. Guns like SUVs are completely unstable. They’re capable of irrational fits of rage and could kill at any moment. Only liberals like John Kerry, who participated in atrocities in Viet Nam or Joe Biden, who owns two shotguns -and isn’t afraid to use them on his running mate- can safely handle these monsters.

The Environment:

Republicans like John McCain, seem to favor Cap and Trade while the Democrats are only interested in Cap. So there’s little difference between them. Either way, after the necessary Federal Reserve breaking, Wall Street Rescue, we’ll all be reduced to eating out of garbage cans, under a blistering sun, while wild, rabid dogs gnaw on the elderly in a Mad Max inspired world. That’s fine with me because I look good in black leather and football shoulder pads.

Man Made Global warming is a fact because our leaders said so and they wouldn’t lie to us. Wait a second…

Health Care:

The Republican Plan is that only the wealthy would ever see a doctor. If you can’t pay up front or don’t have way too expensive health insurance, you’d better learn to become a selfish, back-stabbing, rich SOB by applying yourself and grabbing at those bootstraps. If you won’t help yourself then don’t try to go wait in some welfare system hospital line, there won’t be any. The wealthy don’t wait in lines.

Democrats take a different view. You’re going to have to wait in line no matter who you are. You’re going to be waiting so long in fact, that either you’ll get better there or you’ll die. Either way, problem solved and it’ll only cost you half of your paycheck in taxes for that fabulous, free, universal health care -if you’re lucky enough to have a job…that’s most likely provided by the government.

*An interesting side note is that Joe Biden -who single handedly eliminated poverty by declaring almost all Americans as middle class- has attempted to heal a wheelchair bound man. Faith Healers are being sought from around the country and will be given status as doctors under Obama’s Hope for Change health care plan.

Babies:

Republicans love healthy babies. They nurture and protect them from conception until they’re old enough to die in Iraq. Those that don’t appear to be thriving are eaten in secret, ritualistic feeding orgies after being sacrificed to the gods of capitalism -unless they can be trotted out for political gain. All wealthy Republicans eat some of their young, Texas style, with BBQ sauce.

Democrats hate all babies. They don’t even know when one becomes a human being (it’s above their pay grade) so abortion becomes contraception. Most Democrats don’t use condoms because they can’t breath with them over their heads. They generally don’t want the burden of a child, only the pleasure of the disease filled hook-up. But if a child does slip by some how and becomes a human, no matter how heinous the crime it may commit, it must be sent to rehab or maintained in a zoo like setting to watch TV and receive free college and health care benefits.

Past is Prologue:

I think that about covers it. We’ve seen where they stand today but what about the future? It really all comes down to the brand of socialism you prefer. If you ask nicely, one of these two parties might actually kiss you first.

The Wrap-up:

If this extremely lame account was helpful and you now feel like you can make an informed choice this November, raise your hand.

You know I can’t see you right? So if you raised your hand, you’re an idiot. Just go with whatever party finds you first. Maybe that way we can spread the stupid vote out evenly.

Speaking of stupid. There’s more where this came from at Les’s blog Satire| Parody| Military| Political| Humor at Sideshow Mirrors.

If you haven’t noticed by now, and you are a veteran reader, I have changed the title of this site to Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. I did this because I wanted it to be more apparent what the content of the site is. Visitors may ask, “What’s a Radioactive Liberty?” But newcomers are likely going to understand what Political Humor is.

On with the linkfest.

Humor Links

Political Humor → Cadet Happy opines about the House passing the economic stimulus package.

Cruel Humor → Mr. Fab tells us why he hates poor people. Clearly he should be on board with my plan to tax the poor.

Hot Chicks with Douchebags → Poetry and spaghetti strainers are in fashion at HCwDB. Also, witness the plight of the Sad Shirtmaker.

Non-Humor Links

Anyone but McCain → Insolublog tells us that there’s absolutely no way he’s voting for McCain. Why should he when there’s no difference between Democrats and Republicans?

Anyone but McCain 2 → The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler makes it known that Fear Doesn’t Control My Vote Either. I couldn’t agree more. It’s not “throwing away your vote.” It’s voting your conscience.

Success → Jonathan Fields tells us the Dirty Secret of Overnight Success. Be sure to see the other dirty secret that Jonathan reveals. You don’t want to miss it.

Persuasion → Chris Garrett weighs emotions versus logic.

Propaganda → Maki tells us 7 Common Tactics Used to Influence Behavior.

Find more funny stuff at Humor-Blogs.com

Just keep refreshing the page, because over the weekend will be a new Flame War Parody and next week I will tell you why I endorse Barak Obama. With any luck we’ll also answer the question, “why is Ron Paul still running for president?”

Another way to be the first to see new Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty is to subscribe to email or RSS notifications. Full Feeds.

If you’ve found (or created) any great links, please feel free to drop them in the comments or email them to me via my contact page. Seriously. It’s a big internet. Let me know.