Political Humor

I’m not a Republican. I never have been. I probably never will be. I don’t give 2 flips about the Republican Party. I am a conservative. The Republican Party is Socialist. The two don’t mix too well.

Steve the Pirate says:

I am a Republican.

Okey doke. Tell us why you’re a member of the Socialist Party USA, Steve.

I believe in low taxes, a balanced budget, a weaker federal government, a strong military, a strong defense of the Second Amendment, and accountability in government.

Me too. The Republicans don’t though.

I believe in morality, freedom of religious expression no matter where I may be, the death penalty, secure national borders, and the traditional definition of marriage.

Fair enough. The Republican Party’s not going to advance any of those agendas though.

I do not believe in appeasement, porkbarrel projects, obstructionism, legislating from the judiciary, taxation, social services, and political correctness.

Here here! I’m with you 100%, but the Republican Party isn’t.

I do not believe in communism, socialism, Marxism, Leninism, Stalinism, or anything that isn’t free market capitalism.

Me either, but the Republican Party is all for those things. It’s in the manifesto voting record.

I do not believe the Democratic Party has a vision for America.

Agreed. Can we also agree that the Republicans don’t have one either? The fact is, there’s no discernible difference between Democrats and Republicans.

I do not believe the Democratic Party is capable of defending this nation.

Well duh! I don’t have much faith in the Republicans either. How long did they piddle around at the UN before they got some balls and decided we were a sovereign nation?

I do not believe the Democratic Party deserves a majority in any branch in government.

Agreed. Neither do Republicans.

I do not believe in liberalism.

The Republicans do. So why are you a Republican?

I believe in conservatism.

Me too, but the Republican Party doesn’t. Why are you a Republican?

I am a Republican.

You lips say “yes,” but your ideology says “no.”

And I’m damned proud of it.

I’m proud to be a conservative. I’d be ashamed to be a Republican. Not conservative=Not getting my vote. Period.

This November, when you go to the polls, remember, we’re better off with any Republican than we would be with a Democrat. So make sure that even if the Republican candidate is a RINO, it’s so much better than the alternative.

Via Transient’s Watch:

The Senate also killed an amendment offered by Sen. John Ensign, a Nevada Republican, that would have prevented immigrants who legalize their status from getting Social Security credit for work while they were illegal.

The offending RINOs were

Chafee (RI)
Graham (SC)
Hagel (NE)
Lugar (IN)
Martinez (FL)
McCain (AZ)
Specter (PA)
Stevens (AK)
Voinovich (OH)

The measure missed by one vote. It’s a good thing all those people in PA decided that Specter could defeat the Democrat and Toomey couldn’t, because we’d be so much worse off with a Democrat in his seat.

I support the Republican Party, blindly and without any caveats, because they’re much better than the alternative. Remember that when it’s time to vote. Better to elect Mussolini than have Hitler get in office. Even a Socialist Republican is better than a Communist Democrat. We don’t want the country to head in the wrong direction, do we?

Think of the alternative. We could have Democrats be the majority party, and that would be the demise of America, and if that doesn’t wind up being the death strike – Do you hear that? The sound of horsemen over the horizon. No. NOOOOOO! The Hildebeast has risen!

Hide! Cower in fear as America plunges into the middle ages, or becomes the United Soviet Socialist Republik of Amerika. I will be hiding under the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Surely America cannot survive that.

You know, I hear that if you chant the Hildebeast’s name 3 times in the bathroom mirror, she comes out and murders you. I would test that theory, but I’m too frightened that it’s true. Better to play it safe.

So listen up, conservatives that want to send a message to the Republicans, if you vote for a third party in November, or stay home, or elect a conservative in the primary that’s “Unelectable” against the Democrat , it’s the blood of a million aborted unborn babies on your hands. Because, let’s face it, there’s a world of difference between Democrats and Republicans. You had better drink deeply of the Kool-Aid, and bring at least a gallon or so to the polls in November, because even a RINO is better than allowing the Democrat to win.

The Republicans are sure to get the message. Even if the incumbent slips by with the slightest of margins to a true conservative, they will understand, we want a conservative agenda. No one will proclaim that “it’s a great victory for the moderate wing of the Republican party.”

If any of those seats change hands, we won’t have meaningful immigration reform. There’ll be no Social Security reform. Elected traitor and professional coward, John Murtha will accuse our Marines of being cold blooded murderers, and instead of John McStain, or George Voinovich nodding profusely, and agreeing, we will have a Democrat raising the chalice and saying, “Salud!”

We’ll have so-called Education reform as conceived by Ted Kennedy, and no school choice. Judges like Miguel Estrada won’t get confirmed. Gas Prices will be high with heavy taxes. Spending will spiral out of control with no chance of better fiscal responsibility.

There’s no demagoguery here, no exaggeration, and no hysteria. America cannot survive losing a single seat to the Democrats. Make sure you think twice when you go to pick a conservative over the RINO in the primary. Can the conservative beat the Democrat, because better to have a RINO than a Democrat.

Do you really want to stay home or cast a third party vote, because if any Democrats win over the Republicans, the terrorist win. Besides, Losing is for losers. Losers.

Can you live with that? You’re going to have to when your forehead is being stamped with the number of the Hildebeast.