Political Humor

Does it seem like the left and right speak completely opposite languages sometimes? Is it hard to figure out what they mean?

Thanks to the language translator I stole from Les’ Star trek post we can finally answer those burning questions.

I found eleven differences so far between conservatives and liberals.

1. If you are conservative you are a lobbyist. If you are a liberal you are an advocate.

2. If you are conservative someone crossing the US Border illegally is breaking the law. If you are a liberal it is not a crime “per se“.

3. If you are conservative they are illegal aliens. If you are a liberal they are undocumented workers.

4. If you are conservative you think Che Guavara made Stalin look like a really nice guy. If you are liberal Guavara himself is the nice guy.

5. If you are a conservative protesting something you are a right wing radical extremist. If you are liberal you are a champion of democracy or animal rights.

6. If you are a conservative who did not protest Bush’s spending policies but attended a Tea Party last week you are a hypocrite. If you are a liberal who protested excessive government spending policies for eight years but did not go to a Tea Party you are a political hero.

7. If you are a conservative a homosexual couple is a gay couple and a heterosexual couple is a straight one. If you are liberal one is same-sex and the other is opposite-sex.

8. If you are a conservative 911 was an act of terrorism. If you are liberal it was a man-caused disaster.

9. If you are conservative someone who makes bombs is a terrorist. If you are a liberal they are an activist.

10. If you are conservative the national service bill is mandatory service. If you are liberal it is volunteering.

11. If you are conservative civics is about the mechanics of government at the local, state, and federal level. If you are liberal civics is about social work and welfare.

Now I hand the translator off to you, faithful reader to look for more differences. Leave a comment on what you find.

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Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Wednesday as well as Political Humor Quick Hits every Tuesday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read funny but weird stuff at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.