Political Humor

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about responsibility, Biden’s economic accumen, and compliments…

Obama Finally Claims Responsibility for the Economy

I guess I was wrong last week. Barack Obama finally said it was his economy to ruin, I mean improve:

During an appearance in Michigan Tuesday, Obama addressed some of the critics on his handling of the economy so far.

“I love these folks who helped get us in this mess and then suddenly say, ‘Well, this is Obama’s economy.’ That’s fine. Give it to me,” he said. “My job is to solve problems, not to stand on the sidelines and carp and gripe. So I welcome the job. I want the responsibility.”

Don’t sing it bring it!

Obama then went on to make fun of the economic downturn ala Snaps style:

“The recession is so short it poses for trophies. I saw someone unemployed kicking a can down the street. I asked what they were doing and they said ‘moving to a shelter’. The recession is so old Muhammad was in the same Gym class”

Joe Biden Spells Out Why Economy Is Not Recovering

Unlike E.F Hutton, when Joe Biden speaks people shouldn’t listen. Good thing his speech was aimed at senior citizens:

Vice President Joe Biden told people attending an AARP town hall meeting that unless the Democrat-supported health care plan becomes law the nation will go bankrupt and that the only way to avoid that fate is for the government to spend more money.

“Now, people when I say that look at me and say, ‘What are you talking about, Joe? You’re telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?’” Biden said. “The answer is yes, that’s what I’m telling you.”

I have to give kudos to Obama for sending Biden to address old people on the health care bill. Most of the audience either fell asleep halfway through the speech or didn’t hear him because of age-induced hearing loss.

The AARP members’ thoughts also might have drifted to the choices for the Early Bird specials at the local dinner during the presentation.

If the audience did get what Joe was saying they should have been clutching their plastic coin purses harder then ever before while wondering when Kevorkian was showing up.

Biden’s next stop: An education reform speech at the American School for the Deaf.

Umm Waterloo is Not an Insult

I think the Democrats, and Obama in particular are getting punchy lately:

“ President Obama accused Republicans of playing political games with health care reform Monday, taking aim at South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint for suggesting a defeat on health care could be a “Waterloo” moment for Obama.”

Doesn’t anyone remember that “Waterloo” was Abba’s breakout single? Jim DeMint was simply comparing the Messiah to the beginning of the career of Sweden’s biggest export.

Is the Savior forgetting Abba later went on to create “Dancing Queen”, the greatest disco hit ever?

You can’t even compliment our President without getting thrown under the political short bus. Mamma Mia!

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his odd take on things at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

Since Democrats have control of Congress, and won the Presidential election in a landslide victory, it’s clear the American people are confident in the way the Democrats run things.

Since we’re so confident in the Democrats, I think we should give them control of the North Pole. Santa has been doing some shoddy work lately, and i think a dose Liberalism is just what the Big Guy needs to turn things around.

First things first, Old St. Nick is a bit squishy around the mid-section. I mean, he’s already several hundred years old, and we know that obesity, combined with old age is a sure death sentence. In order to bring Santa’s weight under control, we’ll need to pass a fat tax. All egg nog, gingerbread houses, candy-canes, chocolate chip cookies, and all other foods that contain fat, and/or sugar shall be subject to a 20% sales tax.

We’ll use the extra revenue to build fitness centers around Santa’s workshop (at a 200% mark-up and supplied by Nancy Pelosi’s brother-in-law), and we’ll mandate that all Christmas operations must be suspended for an additional hour every day to make time for working-out.

The next order of business will be to protect North Polese labor. The workers need to get organized, and stand up for their rights. There will be no more elves working until they die. There will be a 20 gumdrop/hour raise across the board. We’re going to start ELFU (Elven Labor Federal Union), and institute the card-check program to ensure that the elves are protected from the bourgeoisie evil Santa Corp.

Finally, Al Gore has informed us that over the last twenty years, the average temperature of the north pole is up one tenth of one tenth of a percent.

Effective immediately we must pass legislation controlling the diet of the reindeer. We need to alter their diet to reduce their flatulence. All that methane gas is destroying the environment. We’ll also need to mandate that all light bulbs be changed to compact fluorescent bulbs. We’ll legislate that the fireplace in Kris Kringle’s shop only run for three hours during the middle of the night.

To ensure compliance with all these regulations, we’re going to appoint a North Pole Czar. The obvious choice is Kelly Osbourne. She is supremely qualified since she is a female, comes from a famous family, and…well that’s all you really need, isn’t it? There will be no more problems in the North Pole! Yaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

Update for 2009:

It seems Santa is in jail for shoplifting egg nog. We could get Kelly Osbourne to do the deliveries, but for the first time in centuries, Santa’s Workshop couldn’t get all the orders filled this year, and Donner and Cupid died of malnutrition.

Rudolph passed away as well, but he died from mercury poisoning when the compact florescent bulb the government mandated be installed in his nose broke. Also, for the first time in centuries Santa’s Workshop reported a budget deficit. It’s so awful in the North Pole right now.

We must act immediately to save the North Pole! We have legislation in the works to fix every problem in the North Pole. It must be passed, the North Pole is too big to fail!

You can find JumpOut at his police humor blog, You Should be Tasered. The only place on the internet to learn how not to get killed by the police.

Original Image: Santa Under Arrest by Stéfan

More Christmas Humor:

* Obama Night Before Christmas Parody
* Holiday Gift Ideas
* Does Santa Claus Hate the Jews?
* 12 Days of Christmas Parody