Political Humor

I recently discovered this amazing political humor site. I googled conservative political humor, and it was the top result. I took a look around, and from what I’ve seen, Les James and Chris C, who apparently own and operate the site do an excellent job. In a comment on the recent Elena Kagan piece, “Mrs. T” said,

I propose an experiment. Print out what you write then show it to ten complete strangers, be sure to take full credit for your work and record the results.

I assure you Mrs. T, I am a complete stranger, and what is coming from the gaping hole that Les James calls a mouth is top quality politcal humor.

Senator Bendict Arlen Specter was defeated in the Democrat Primary by Congressman Joe Sestak. Back in April 2009 Specter switched from the Republican Party to the Democrats based on the premise that he would be more likely to get elected as a Democrat.

Oops. Hey Arlen, is that egg on your face?

Why, yes it is, Fiar. Eggs Benedict, in fact.

President Obama visited Youngstown, Ohio to act as Cheerleader in Chief for his Economic policies. He told the citizens of Ohio, where unemployment is hovering around 15%

“I think any fair-minded person would say that if we hadn’t acted, more people in the Mahoning Valley, more people in Ohio, and more people across America would be out of work today.”

Teleprompter, telepromter. Wherefore art thou Teleprompter?

That’s always a good tactic. Go to someone who has it bad and tell them how much worse they would be if not for your saving grace. Then again, that is a standard from the Democrat Playbook. When a policy isn’t showing any evidence of having any benefit at all whatsoever, just pull a claim out of your ass that things would be worse without your policy.

Obama’s language feels like if you crashed your car into someone, and then said, “What the Hell are you complaining about? If I hadn’t tapped the brakes, you could be dead. Don’t you see how indebted to me you are?”

Finally, the Internet is buzzing with controversy over pole dancing Miss USA Rima Fakih and her Muslim heritage. One headline I saw even asked if she qualifies as a real Muslim. I, for one, would like to see more pole dancing female Muslims.

It would be a big improvement over the ever fashionable full body Hefty Cinch Sacks. I think the dominant sect of Islam needs to be the St’rippah sect. Then there might be a lot less violence comitted by people of ambiguous religious and cultural heritage.

That’s all I have for now. I would like to thanks Les James and Chris C for allowing me to guest post on their site. I’m new to this whole political humor blogging thing, but I think It’s customary for me to beg for comments now.

This week’s Political Humor Quick Hits is about shovels, jobs, and crooked gay people…

The Shovel Industry Will Save The Economy

Joe Biden came up with a funny idea for saving the economy on the government’s new humor website, The Recovery Act:

“We’re gonna get more dollars in the hands of people, are going to be turning shovels in the ground.”

Joe might not know a thing about history but the son of a bitch knows economic recovery.

Shovels!

This will be huge. Pretty soon, shovel factories will open up all across America. Steel mills will reopen to provide raw materials. Lowes and Home Depot will teach classes on proper hole-making. Brigades of shovelers will go from community to community digging up the ground.

I even had to create a new word, “shovelers” just to describe all this economic recovery.

The United States of America will be shovel-ready in 100 days. Obama promised.

Still Trying to Find Those 150,000 Jobs

They must be around here somewhere right?

The economy has shed 1.6 million jobs since the stimulus measure was signed in February, far overshadowing White House announcements estimating the effort has saved 150,000 jobs.

Can you picture Obama and Biden being told the jobs are hidden somewhere in the White House? One of them is looking under the rugs, another under the couches.

Perhaps they should check the bucket.

Calling Yourself Straight Means Calling Gay People Crooked

In Vermont they just wrapped up a high school student social gender identity program or something stupid like that.

One student had this cognitive analysis:

“I’m straight, but I don’t like using that word because then it feels like if you’re gay then you’re crooked, you’re not meant to grow up in a certain way,” Sophia Manzi, 15, a Burlington high school freshman, said during this year’s final “Gendertopia” meeting.

I wonder what hippie message board she got that line from.

But it isn’t about sexuality, according to Christopher Neff, the executive director of Outreach Vermont and group running Genderpalooza:

“We’re really clear that gender and gender identify is separate from sexual orientation,” Neff said. “Hugh Grant and Russell Crowe have the same sex, they’re both male and they’re both heterosexual. But they have very different gender presentations. One is sort of seen as much more masculine than the other.”

Yeah one guy fights people and trashes hotel lobby telephones. The other can’t marry a woman fast enough before he’s fooling around with another one.

I guess I could see why Neff prefaced the concept with “sort of“, especially when talking about people who pretend to be other people for a living.

Bonus points for saying it is not about sexuality then using it in the analogy.

There is no truth to the rumor however that Richard Simmons was scheduled to speak at Genderblenderfestaloozatopia.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his humor blog Angry Seafood.

Tired of this? Read on. It only gets worse.

The following is an official message from the United States Department Of Acronyms

DOA (not to be confused with the Department of the Army, DA) will release, early next week, a series of new, catchy “words” to help abbreviate cumbersome verbiage surrounding newly formed government programs and official groups or titles.

The DOA has been a little known, but highly influential department for more than sixty years. Many of these acronymised phrases have found their way into the every day lexicon of American speech. Coming from the WWII era are the now familiar, SNAFU (Situation Normal, All Fouled Up) and the more profane, FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition)

Beginning in 1969, SALT (Strategic Arms Limitations Talks) -leading to START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty)- gained household usage. Most recently, the DOA has brought you TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program).

The complexity, scope and actual meaning of these terms are considerably diminished by the use of such acronyms, but that is by design. Long before being made official, by an obscure clause in the Paperwork Reduction Act of 1995, most government agencies and the majority of elected officials had voluntarily chosen not to be very specific about any program, legislation, bill or law.

This seeming lack of specificity or “failure to verbalize details” has prompted the DOA to issue the following definitions, so as to clear up any misconceptions, prior to the release of these new acronyms.

TURD (Task force Undertaking Responsible Deficits) A Bi-Camberal committee, made up of Democrats and one token Republican -Snowe, Spector and Collins are being considered- to oversee the creation of the CRAP.

…Snowe, Spector and Collins are being considered -to oversee the creation of the CRAP

CRAP (Congressional Revenue Action Plan): Working closely with President Obama, the TURD will create the CRAP, which in turn, will produce a number of FARTs.

FART (Financial Assistance and Response Team): These teams will be responsible to be the vanguard of the effort to stem the flow of any drain on the economy. These “Fiscal Engineers” will use actual dollars to attempt to plug any hole found in the Stimulus Package, SPII, SPIII or TARP II or III. They are also the “eyes and ears” of this program and will report directly to the TURD. Most will be deployed in the open but some will be undercover or stealth.

BLIND (Beyond Legally Inferred Normal Definitions): Special actions taken by the FARTs, as authorized by the  CRAP, to insure “fair and equitable” economic recovery.

SHIT (Specific Help In Taxation): FARTs will be empowered to levy “targeted windfall additional taxation” upon individuals, groups or companies seen as not paying their “sensible share”.

In the coming weeks, official releases will be coming out using these new acronyms. A sample of what might be seen is provided below.

The Congressional TURD has passed the CRAP to President Obama. He is expected to initiate the CRAP in a ceremony on the White House lawn later today. Chief of Staff, Rob Emanuel said, “The Crap has passed the smell test. I fully expect the President to release the first FARTs very soon.”

There are likely to be a large number of FARTs released prior to any movement in the economic recovery area.

In the case of a FART discovering a wealthy person or institution that does not seem to be complying with the Fair and Equitable Rule of the CRAP, they will be referred to the TURD, prior to taking any action. The Congressional TURD will send its recommendations to the President.

Ultimately it will be the responsibility of President Obama whether the FART should SHIT or go BLIND.

The DOA hopes this clarifies this matter for you. If you have any questions regarding this or any other acronym, send a SASE to our PO Box and we’ll have an answer for you ASAP. Thank you.

Les James thinks farts are always funny and so are doctored pictures of Obuttma. Political humor and Satire by Radioactive Liberty encougages you to spread this funny picture wide, just like wealth.