Political Humor

An open letter to our Beloved Leader, Barack Hussein Obama

Dear President Obama,

With all due respect, what is it about the polls you don’t get? The majority of people, including me, think you’re on the wrong track. Please try a different one. Maybe Amtrak.

Your failed policies of the past (year) are giving me hemorrhoids. Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to respect me in the morning, and the check (for my taxes) is in the mail. That being said, what I really want you to hear is no.

No, I don’t want higher taxes. Duh! Even if Vice-President Biden thinks it’s patriotic.

No, I don’t want Obama Care. Keep your fingers out of my wife’s reproductive organs.

No, I don’t want Cap and Trade. Or as I like to call it, Crap and Tirade.

No, I don’t want socialism. I don’t care what 53% of Democrats say.

No, I don’t want terrorists tried in civilian courts. I want them shot. I’ll even pull the trigger.

No, I don’t want bigger government. Not everything is better when bigger, despite what Michelle says.

No, I don’t what you to stimulate me again. I didn’t want pork-barreled in the first place. You forced me against my will.

Mr President, no, no, no and no. Do you know what that means? No means no!

Look, I’ll understand if you don’t want to stand in front of a train, but could you please get on one? Might I suggest one heading for Venezuela. I think you’ll feel right at home there.

Sincerely,

Les James

Tired of this? Read on. It only gets worse.

The following is an official message from the United States Department Of Acronyms

DOA (not to be confused with the Department of the Army, DA) will release, early next week, a series of new, catchy “words” to help abbreviate cumbersome verbiage surrounding newly formed government programs and official groups or titles.

The DOA has been a little known, but highly influential department for more than sixty years. Many of these acronymised phrases have found their way into the every day lexicon of American speech. Coming from the WWII era are the now familiar, SNAFU (Situation Normal, All Fouled Up) and the more profane, FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition)

Beginning in 1969, SALT (Strategic Arms Limitations Talks) -leading to START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty)- gained household usage. Most recently, the DOA has brought you TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program).

The complexity, scope and actual meaning of these terms are considerably diminished by the use of such acronyms, but that is by design. Long before being made official, by an obscure clause in the Paperwork Reduction Act of 1995, most government agencies and the majority of elected officials had voluntarily chosen not to be very specific about any program, legislation, bill or law.

This seeming lack of specificity or “failure to verbalize details” has prompted the DOA to issue the following definitions, so as to clear up any misconceptions, prior to the release of these new acronyms.

TURD (Task force Undertaking Responsible Deficits) A Bi-Camberal committee, made up of Democrats and one token Republican -Snowe, Spector and Collins are being considered- to oversee the creation of the CRAP.

…Snowe, Spector and Collins are being considered -to oversee the creation of the CRAP

CRAP (Congressional Revenue Action Plan): Working closely with President Obama, the TURD will create the CRAP, which in turn, will produce a number of FARTs.

FART (Financial Assistance and Response Team): These teams will be responsible to be the vanguard of the effort to stem the flow of any drain on the economy. These “Fiscal Engineers” will use actual dollars to attempt to plug any hole found in the Stimulus Package, SPII, SPIII or TARP II or III. They are also the “eyes and ears” of this program and will report directly to the TURD. Most will be deployed in the open but some will be undercover or stealth.

BLIND (Beyond Legally Inferred Normal Definitions): Special actions taken by the FARTs, as authorized by the  CRAP, to insure “fair and equitable” economic recovery.

SHIT (Specific Help In Taxation): FARTs will be empowered to levy “targeted windfall additional taxation” upon individuals, groups or companies seen as not paying their “sensible share”.

In the coming weeks, official releases will be coming out using these new acronyms. A sample of what might be seen is provided below.

The Congressional TURD has passed the CRAP to President Obama. He is expected to initiate the CRAP in a ceremony on the White House lawn later today. Chief of Staff, Rob Emanuel said, “The Crap has passed the smell test. I fully expect the President to release the first FARTs very soon.”

There are likely to be a large number of FARTs released prior to any movement in the economic recovery area.

In the case of a FART discovering a wealthy person or institution that does not seem to be complying with the Fair and Equitable Rule of the CRAP, they will be referred to the TURD, prior to taking any action. The Congressional TURD will send its recommendations to the President.

Ultimately it will be the responsibility of President Obama whether the FART should SHIT or go BLIND.

The DOA hopes this clarifies this matter for you. If you have any questions regarding this or any other acronym, send a SASE to our PO Box and we’ll have an answer for you ASAP. Thank you.

Les James thinks farts are always funny and so are doctored pictures of Obuttma. Political humor and Satire by Radioactive Liberty encougages you to spread this funny picture wide, just like wealth.