Political Humor

Big news everyone.

Not only has the recession ended in Massachusetts, and New Hampshire too apparently, we’ve got a runaway economy on our hands in the Bay State:

Supported by universities and hospitals, and buoyed by a housing rebound, Massachusetts has pulled out of recession ahead of most states and could start to add jobs steadily in coming months, according to a leading economic forecasting firm.

The Boston Globe reported it so it must be true right? (If I didn’t know any better I would swear they sell rose-colored reading glasses to compliment the content.)

(bold emphasis mine)

Moody’s Economy.com of West Chester, Pa., which analyzed employment, production, and housing data, estimates that Massachusetts began a recovery in January, becoming one of 22 states with growing economies. New Hampshire, the only other New England state no longer in recession, began its recovery in December, according to Moody’s Economy.com.

That is odd because the same website describes New Hampshire this way: (bold emphasis mine)

Although conditions are not as dire as those in both the Northeast and the U.S., New Hampshire remains in recession. Losses in employment and output are moderating and the housing correction is winding down.

Now I know how Inigo Montoya felt. They keep using that word “recession”…

The mixed messages do not end there however. According to Moody’s nearly half the country is experiencing economic growth yet the situation for the entire U.S. is more dire.

The glass is half-full with recovery and half-empty with recession at the same time. That’s a nice trick.

And what about the twenty-two states with their supposedly growing economies? Are some of them part of Obama’s 57 states?

They must be invisible economies. That’s it.

All those Stimulus jobs the Democrats promised us were real. We just couldn’t see them.

Obama you minx you.

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Chris Cameron is a writer, columnist, and beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty as well as for his own blog, Angry Seafood.

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about responsibility, Biden’s economic accumen, and compliments…

Obama Finally Claims Responsibility for the Economy

I guess I was wrong last week. Barack Obama finally said it was his economy to ruin, I mean improve:

During an appearance in Michigan Tuesday, Obama addressed some of the critics on his handling of the economy so far.

“I love these folks who helped get us in this mess and then suddenly say, ‘Well, this is Obama’s economy.’ That’s fine. Give it to me,” he said. “My job is to solve problems, not to stand on the sidelines and carp and gripe. So I welcome the job. I want the responsibility.”

Don’t sing it bring it!

Obama then went on to make fun of the economic downturn ala Snaps style:

“The recession is so short it poses for trophies. I saw someone unemployed kicking a can down the street. I asked what they were doing and they said ‘moving to a shelter’. The recession is so old Muhammad was in the same Gym class”

Joe Biden Spells Out Why Economy Is Not Recovering

Unlike E.F Hutton, when Joe Biden speaks people shouldn’t listen. Good thing his speech was aimed at senior citizens:

Vice President Joe Biden told people attending an AARP town hall meeting that unless the Democrat-supported health care plan becomes law the nation will go bankrupt and that the only way to avoid that fate is for the government to spend more money.

“Now, people when I say that look at me and say, ‘What are you talking about, Joe? You’re telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?’” Biden said. “The answer is yes, that’s what I’m telling you.”

I have to give kudos to Obama for sending Biden to address old people on the health care bill. Most of the audience either fell asleep halfway through the speech or didn’t hear him because of age-induced hearing loss.

The AARP members’ thoughts also might have drifted to the choices for the Early Bird specials at the local dinner during the presentation.

If the audience did get what Joe was saying they should have been clutching their plastic coin purses harder then ever before while wondering when Kevorkian was showing up.

Biden’s next stop: An education reform speech at the American School for the Deaf.

Umm Waterloo is Not an Insult

I think the Democrats, and Obama in particular are getting punchy lately:

“ President Obama accused Republicans of playing political games with health care reform Monday, taking aim at South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint for suggesting a defeat on health care could be a “Waterloo” moment for Obama.”

Doesn’t anyone remember that “Waterloo” was Abba’s breakout single? Jim DeMint was simply comparing the Messiah to the beginning of the career of Sweden’s biggest export.

Is the Savior forgetting Abba later went on to create “Dancing Queen”, the greatest disco hit ever?

You can’t even compliment our President without getting thrown under the political short bus. Mamma Mia!

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his odd take on things at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

This week’s Political Humor Quick Hits is about shovels, jobs, and crooked gay people…

The Shovel Industry Will Save The Economy

Joe Biden came up with a funny idea for saving the economy on the government’s new humor website, The Recovery Act:

“We’re gonna get more dollars in the hands of people, are going to be turning shovels in the ground.”

Joe might not know a thing about history but the son of a bitch knows economic recovery.

Shovels!

This will be huge. Pretty soon, shovel factories will open up all across America. Steel mills will reopen to provide raw materials. Lowes and Home Depot will teach classes on proper hole-making. Brigades of shovelers will go from community to community digging up the ground.

I even had to create a new word, “shovelers” just to describe all this economic recovery.

The United States of America will be shovel-ready in 100 days. Obama promised.

Still Trying to Find Those 150,000 Jobs

They must be around here somewhere right?

The economy has shed 1.6 million jobs since the stimulus measure was signed in February, far overshadowing White House announcements estimating the effort has saved 150,000 jobs.

Can you picture Obama and Biden being told the jobs are hidden somewhere in the White House? One of them is looking under the rugs, another under the couches.

Perhaps they should check the bucket.

Calling Yourself Straight Means Calling Gay People Crooked

In Vermont they just wrapped up a high school student social gender identity program or something stupid like that.

One student had this cognitive analysis:

“I’m straight, but I don’t like using that word because then it feels like if you’re gay then you’re crooked, you’re not meant to grow up in a certain way,” Sophia Manzi, 15, a Burlington high school freshman, said during this year’s final “Gendertopia” meeting.

I wonder what hippie message board she got that line from.

But it isn’t about sexuality, according to Christopher Neff, the executive director of Outreach Vermont and group running Genderpalooza:

“We’re really clear that gender and gender identify is separate from sexual orientation,” Neff said. “Hugh Grant and Russell Crowe have the same sex, they’re both male and they’re both heterosexual. But they have very different gender presentations. One is sort of seen as much more masculine than the other.”

Yeah one guy fights people and trashes hotel lobby telephones. The other can’t marry a woman fast enough before he’s fooling around with another one.

I guess I could see why Neff prefaced the concept with “sort of“, especially when talking about people who pretend to be other people for a living.

Bonus points for saying it is not about sexuality then using it in the analogy.

There is no truth to the rumor however that Richard Simmons was scheduled to speak at Genderblenderfestaloozatopia.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his humor blog Angry Seafood.