Political Humor

I think we all agree that Barack Obama is running for President in the 2008 election. If you disagree with that, please discontinue reading, and pry yourself loose from the rock you are under. Yes, this means you Ron Paul supporters.

We should be unanimous in our view that Obama isn’t really Presidential material. What has he done that would lead a thinking human to say, “Hey, that guy should be President?”

Well, he voted “Present” a few times in his not even one term as a junior Senator. Perhaps he just didn’t understand the question. It can be difficult to hear when your head is stuck in a bucket. But at least he showed up for work… Sometimes.

Since Obama should never be in charge of anything, especially the most important country on our planet, I’ve decided to think up a few things that Obama is almost qualified to do. Maybe he will get lucky and someone will hire him, even though he is only almost qualified for the job.

• The guy who cleans up after the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” Chihuahua.
• Squeegee extortionist – That’s the guy that stands at the offramp and “cleans” your window with filthy water, then demands you pay for the window “cleaning.” Obama may actually qualify for this position. They are both hoping for change.
• The guy who finds the missing sock in all your mismatched pairs. I don’t know if there is any such job, but there ought to be.
• Racist preacher. Knowledge of the Bible not required.
• A circus clown that can’t get his head unstuck from the mop bucket. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, since Obama really can’t get his head unstuck from the mop bucket.

What else is Barack Obama only almost qualified to do?

Humor-Blogs.com has more jobs Obama is almost qualified to do.

I have to give credit to Frank J of IMAO for the mop bucket joke. Go check out IMAO. They put the extremist into right wing extremist.

• Harvey offers some Signs Someone is an Obama Supporter.

A disease, that has turned the greater part of its citizens into mindless automatons, has affected all of the major cities across our great nation. It creeps even now, outward. Threatening to devour us all.

A few hold out, but are vastly outnumbered by the malevolent hell-spawn, that stalks the night. This minority attempts to hide their true nature and tries to blend into the festering, squalid, concrete and steel that surround them. For they know that if they are discovered, a fate worse than death awaits.

The lucky ones seek refuge in small town America, clutching to their Bibles and guns. But for those who are trapped in the cities, being found out means vicious verbal assaults, followed by attempts to remove their brains. If they succumb, then they too will walk the angry streets, flowing not with red, but with blue, now thoughtless followers of the Queen and Prince of the Damned.

In a plot more horrifying that any George A. Romero could ever have conceived, millions of zombies are flocking to the rallies, indiscriminately giving away their rent and grocery money, blindly turning over their freedoms and sacrificing their unborn to the Unholy Trinity.

Artist conception of Obama at the Dems convention in Denver

“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead shall walk the Earth.” Dawn of the Dead, 1978

The Prince, an untested, beguiling deceiver, seeks to usurp the throne. The Queen, a cruel and battle hardened veteran, desires above all else to ascend to heights of power and arrogance. But neither will gain what they crave while the other’s campaign lives.

They have set their minions to destroy not only the hold-outs in the cities, but also those very much like themselves. Evil turning upon evil. The Queen’s fate seems certain, but she will not yet yield.

Hillary creating another mindless voter

But there is still the third in this Triad Of Terror -he who hides from the crowds. He is the Master Manipulator, the Puller of Puppet’s Strings, the King Maker. He doesn’t want or need the crown, or the throne. He desires only to be the power behind it. The one who will tell the regent how high to jump, when to Move On. (org)

My friends, we find ourselves all but defenseless in the contest. Our Champion is weak of heart, false in conviction, and would parley with the enemy. He was not of our choosing, but true heroes are few. Our fate hangs by a thread.

We must bolster that thread. Weave a new fabric in our own homes and townships. Break out of our lethargy and hone our dull fighting skills. The time is coming when we will have to face this menace. The time when we must combat the blue and let the streets of America again, run

You can find more Political Humor at Humor-Blogs.com…. Maybe.

So it is too late for us to ask for a new republican candidate. But if Hillary Clinton can hang around with her chances hinging on some kind of ‘unfortunate accident’ happening to Obama, why can’t we have alternatives to John McCain?

Or should I say McCainatives.

M.C. Hammer

Okay, technically he isn’t a Mc but he belongs here. He could help poor people. One pair of his old Hammertime pants could cloth a family of four. Foreign policy? Dude, he has toured around the world from London to the Bay. I don’t know which bay that is but a lot of countries have them.

President Hammer…Can’t Touch This

Vince McMahon

He’s built the WWE into a huge billion-dollar enterprise. Imagine what he could do as President. Issues could be settled in the ring, like say the Iron Sheik comes back to fight John Cena. If The Sheik loses, Iran can’t build nukes. This would work out until the inevitable day Steve Austin drives onto the White House lawn in a monster truck calling Vince out while asking tourists for a “Hell Yah!”

Ronald McDonald

This one is tough. On the one hand clowns are funny, but on the other hand they scare small children. Thankfully, kids don’t vote. Well not yet but you never know with the liberals in charge of everything these days. Once they pass minor voting laws old Ronald is off the list.

John McClane

A President able to address the terrorist problem single-handedly is someone we could use. He could go into a place where there are insurgents, yell out “Yippie-kay-yay!” and the bodies would hit the floor in methodical fashion.

On a side note I’d love to see a movie where they teamed up Bruce Willis’ character with Chuck Norris’ Col. James Braddock. That would freaking rule. Maybe Braddock could be Vice President?

Doug and Bob McKenzie

What list of McCainatives would be complete without the Canadian brothers that love their beer. I think it goes without saying there will not be a return to the days of Prohibition on their watch. And if anyone gives us crap we can just tell them to take off eh! I know, there is that rule about being born here, but we were ready to repeal that law for the Terminator and he turned into a liberal.

Duncan MacCloud

Of the MacCloud clan.

This is a tricky McCandidate choice. There is no age factor because a Highlander lives forever but he would only be able to serve two terms. Or wait a hundred years and run under a different name or something.

And could the Secret Service deal with all these opposing Highlanders trying to chop MacCloud’s head off? Or what if another Highlander became the leader of a country like Iran or North Korea? That could be interesting.

So don’t tell me the Republican race is over. Not when there are still some great McChoices better then McCain.

Humor-blogs.com is a better McCainative for President then John McCain.

Chris Cameron writes this insane drivel every Thursday here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and strange brand of humor as his own blog, Angry Seafood.