Political Humor

It’s a battle royal between two giants in porcelain bath fixtures. American Standard –the K Mart of this industry – has tossed its hat in the ring and taken on Kohler. Kohler –long regarded as the high-end leader in this competitive market- never seriously considered that there might be competition.

For years Kohler assumed that they would be the throne that the next president would sit upon, having been in the White House before.

American Standard announced Thursday that they have been heavily lobbying Clinton, McCain, and Obama since late last year and would continue to do so until this November.

Their position is that it’s time for a change and they continue to have high hopes for this election.

A Kohler spokesman said American Standard simply would not be ready on day one to handle the flow. They maintain that this upstart wouldn’t even understand the basic paperwork involved in the Presidential Retreat, but might be ready for a secondary placement.

None of the three candidate’s political campaigns would offer official statements, but off the record comments indicated that both McCain and Clinton supported Kohler and would likely prefer their throne in a white to beige color.

The Obama camp, while tight-lipped, seem to indicate that American Standard would be their candidate’s choice, but no color preference was given. The one place where they all could agree was that in had to be an environmentally friendly low water consumption model.

However, Obama’s pastor -in a sermon given last October- stated that no white fixtures should be a part of the Black Experience. Obama’s campaign refused comment, but did say that they would be issuing further apologies for Pastor Wright.

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Humor-Blogs.com is the nation’s biggest manufacturer of Porta-Vote booths. You might even find some political satire there too.

When I was a strapping young lad, when thoughts of writing political humor columns were years away, there were often times when I had to choose between two things in the toy store I wanted to buy. Unfortunately this was during the Carter regime so our family couldn’t afford both. Unlike a lot of children my age at the time I was at least lucky enough to buy something to occupy my time waiting in line for gasoline.

So whenever I had to make this choice between two things I liked I left disappointed every time. The entire way home I mulled over the toy I did not pick.

This is what it must be like being a Democratic voter in 2008. No matter what, a Democratic voter effectively determines whether they think a woman or a black man is better able to lead this country. Like me as a child they will have to think about their choice post-decision. Unlike them, I was picking which similar Lego kit I wanted most.

It all seemed so magical at first, didn’t it? After eight years of Bush the country’s political line changed quicker than a Clinton changes their story. Before you knew it, the trend of being a Democrat spread far and wide and eventually they took control of parts of Congress.

For the first time the Senate was led by an angry white woman Democrat who thinks she knows what is best for everyone, including the Colombians. We were nice enough to buy their cocaine all those years so why can’t we repay the favor with a trade agreement?

Then the nirvana of the Democratic Party finally came true in 2007. A woman and an African-American man announced they were running for President and it seemed like the party was destined to win back the Oval Office.

Meanwhile, on the Republican side it looked like a dogfight. The days of Reaganism and Alex P. Keaton seemed like distant memories as the Republican Party looked like the rudderless Dems of old.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the White House. The Democrats got stuck on which toy to buy. One week they want the Obama doll. The next they want the Hillary doll. They can’t decide which they want more, a black man or a woman running for President. The very progressiveness the Democrats sought has finally come back to bite them in the political ass.

What was that someone once said about wishes and being careful?

Chris Cameron writes this insane political humor post every Thursday here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. He also writes odd and unusual humor at his own blog Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com must have a funny blog with an Alex P. Keaton reference. Go there to find it.

In order to maintain our standing as a powerhouse of political humor, we will be providing continuing coverage of the 2008 Pennsylvania primary. We’ll keep you updated throughout the day on Pennsylvania exit polls, and whether or not the Miley Cyrus bra picture is real or photoshopped.

It’s just the sort of thing that perverts and bitter small town Americans should enjoy on this election day.

Let’s get on with the coverage, shall we?

* Scott Ott of Scrappleface gives us a guide to armed, bible toting voting for bitter Pennsylvanians.

* Harvey at IMAO tells us why Democrats are thrilled to have today’s election be relevant. Also at IMAO, Frank J. muses about today’s voting options.

* Mr. Pink Eyes tells a nice story about being from a small town, and somehow failing to be bitter. It’s not directly related to election coverage, and it’s really just a nice story. But it is in keeping with todays theme of Bitter voters and Miley Cyrus flashing some skin. Not so much on the latter.

* Real Clear Politics has audio of Bill Clinton charging Barack Obama of playing the race card. Not so much funny directly as a brilliant self-parody of politics. Except that it was all in seriousness. Politicians make me laugh.

* If your not from Pennsylvania, you can still vote. Gina Cobb has a poll. You could probably still vote anyway. We are talking about Democrats here.

Update 5:00 PM – Current exit polling data shows Miley Cyrus’s bra capturing 60% of the vote. The bra seems to have full control of what we call the “Bill Clinton” demographic. Barack Obama has 50% of the vote, and Hillary Clinton with 40%.

If you’re thinking, “Wait. Those numbers don’t add up,” remember, we’re dealing with Democrats here. Their numbers never add up.

* Ron Paul is raking in 6% of the Republican vote, which begs the question, is Ron Paul still running for President? Why?

* Obama prepares to spin loss as victory. See, Democrats really are the party of defeat.

Update 9:00 PM – Hillary Clinton is reported to have a 57% to 47 % lead over Barack Obama, and is projected to be the winner of the Pennsylvania Primary.

* I did some scientific exit polling at my local polling place. I asked one voter whom she voted for. She told me she voted for Clinton. I probed deeper, and asked why she voted for Hillary Clinton. “Hillary Clinton?” She replied. “I thought I was voting for that couple on TLC’s What not to Wear.” Looks like somebody has the buyers remorse.

* Sources have alleged instances of voter intimidation. It seems that some xenophobic voters are clinging to their guns and preventing Mexican mushroom farmers from voting. Carrying signs that say, “Si, se puede,” the bitter hillbilly’s are responding with “No, see. Say pway-don’t”.”

Clearly these are operatives of Rush Limbaugh’s “Operation Chaos,” because Democrats never engage in voter intimidation.

* Miley Cyrus’s bra has been ruled ineligible to run, as the signatures to get on the Pennsylvania ballot were not turned in on time. Has Hillary Clinton stolen the election? Is it a vast right wing conspiracy? Stay tuned for more…

We’ll continue to keep you updated on today’s Election. You can help. If you’ve seen or written something related to the Pa Primary, please DO share it in the comments.