Political Humor

RINOs Must Go!

Welcome back to another edition of broadcast excellence. I, Rush Hudson Limbaugh, mmm, mmm, mmm, your guiding light in times of tumult, and murkiness, as well as the good times, am here today to put lead on target -as it were- and begin to bring down the squishy insignificance of mediocrity that pervades the Republican Party. We seek out a creature that -like the polar bear- should never be on the Endangered Species List. This one, because it needs to be wiped out of existence altogether.

Today, we’re hunting wascally winos, eheheheh. What’s that, H.R.? You say that was probably the worst Elmer Fudd impersonation ever? RINO, wino, what’s the difference? Both are dysfunctional, except the winos have an excuse for acting the way they do, they’re drunk. There’s no excuse for the actions of those Republicans In Name Only.

Well, maybe we should be hunting winos. But only to see if they’ve been helped out by any of President Obama’s job creating stimulus programs. If the Under the Bridge Brigade would just recycled their glass bottles as much as the Dems recycle their tired rhetoric, we’d never have to hear about Global Warming again. There. Only thirty seconds into the broadcasting day, and I’ve already solved one major issue. Just think what I can do in three hours.

Once again, the Drive-bys are reporting that I, the titular head of the Republican Party, am out to rid the GOP of moderates. I would think that would be my right, as the leader of the party. Still, this gave me an idea. Why not really rid the party of the Democrat Light? If I’m going to get blamed for it anyway, why not actually do it?

That’s why we’re broadcasting from deep inside the Beltway. Inside the very den of these spineless bureaucrats. I, El Rushbo, have been transformed into Bwana Rush, the Great Non-Gender or Racial Specific Hunter, will go into the lair, where they bend in the wind toward what ever trend is blown to them by the Left. This, however, will not be a trophy hunt. While some have racks -most notably the two Senators from Maine- none are suitable for mounting.

I’ve given a lot of thought about the choice of weapon. Traditional wisdom dictates an elephant gun. After all, they are Republicans…barely. But I wish to give them a fair fight. This is why I’ve decided to go armed only with a straw and spit wads.

Now I know what you might be thinking, “Rush, you’ll be slaughtered. There are so many of them and only one of you.” Tisk, tisk, I say. Once they’re cut from the Republican herd, I’ll be able to dispatch them, one at a time. Without the false sense of security that sheer numbers give them, a single, small ball of paper, drenched in my saliva, will be enough to cause their demise. Trust me, in this. I know them and their weaknesses like every inch of my glorious, naked body.

EIB RV1 will serve as the Command Post for this safari. We’re currently parked near Capitol Hill. We were able to sneak past Obama‘s personal Brown Shirted, Jack-booted thugs, by placing every campaign bumper sticker since Mondale/Ferraro on the back, and a Green Peace and an anti-Walmart bumper sticker on the front. We were waved right on through.

I’ve equipped EIB RV1 and myself with a latest wireless transmission electronics, so you at home can follow along. Members of my fearless staff will accompany me to act as flushers, and also cover this historic moment on a mobile Ditto Cam. I know the outcome will be in my favor, since I’ve been documented to be almost always right, 99.5% of the time.

We’ll be heading out the door, to begin the hunt, just as soon as we get back from this Obscene Profit Break.