Political Humor

Good evening everybody and welcome to Wednesday Whoop Ass! Good ole J.O. here and do we have a main event for you! In the steel cage of death, doom, and destruction we will have two heavyweights in their respective ranks squaring off in a fight to the irrelevance!

In one corner, we have the champ. A man who is leader of the free world. A man who commands armies, and can move markets on a whim. He can fire missiles into other countries, and have the IRS audit you for no more reason than because he says so! It’s Barack “The Black Mamba” Obama!

In the other corner, we have a man that holds no political office. He has no power of government agencies. He can’t compel law enforcement to do anything. But some say he has a mystical power to hypnotize millions with his words. It’s Rush “The Raging Elephant” Limbaugh!

This looks to be one hell of a slobberknocker! It’ll be a pier six brawl! Get ready to hold on to your wallets and your prescription medication! We’ll get to the match right after a word from our sponsors!

funny commercial

Welcome back to Wednesday Whoop Ass! Good ole J.O. here and our warriors have entered the the steel cage of death, doom, and destruction! The bell rings and here we go!

It looks like the combatants are feeling each other out here. A rhetorical jab from Rush, and Obama counters with a middle-finger-nose scratch. Rhetorical jab followed by a rhetorical jab. Oh my! Rush hits Obama with a diatribe!

He follows up with multiple haymaker Reagan references! He has Obama backed into a corner! This looks like the beginning of the end, and we’ve barely gotten started! Wait, who’s that running in from back stage? Oh my God, it’s Rahm Emmanuel! He just tossed The Mamba a foreign policy change! That’s not legal! Oh! This is brutal! The Mamba is beating Rush over the head with his foreign policy!

Rush is staggered! It looks like the Raging Elephant may fall! Wait, Rush counters with a Socialism monologue! He’s dazed The Mamba! He has to follow that move up to gain the initiative in the fight, but the beating he took has left him exhausted! How are these men still fighting after all the brutality they have suffered?!

It looks like Rush is trying to go for his finishing move, the Crown of Communism. He’s moving in for the kill…Oh my God! The Mamba pulled out his mandate, but Rush blocked it with his huge advertising revenue!

OH NO! JESUS CHRIST!!! From out of nowhere, Obama hit him with his patented finisher the Fairness Doctrine, and Rush is down! He’s not moving. The fight is over! The fight is over. Obama just killed Limbaugh’s career, freedom, and the Constitution in one deft move!

I’m speechless! How could this have happened? Where was the commissioner? That move was banned, but he was able to…

Wait! Let me go, you goon! Leave my microphone alone! You can’t do this! This is unAmerican! You can’t……………………….

I’ve decided I am supporting Vladimir Putin for President of the United States in 2012. Now, this is my own opinion, and I do not know how the other humorists, and satirists of Radioactive Liberty feel about my decision. This is not a blanket endorsement from this blog, only from me. I’m sure Fiar will be supporting himself as usual. Chris C will probably support a tuna or something, and I guess Les is going for Pennywise (the demonic clown not the crappy band). While those are all solid choices, I think Mr. Putin is far and away the best choice to lead this country going forward.

See, Congress has just spent a hundred gazillion dollars buying up private property, and shares in corporations. All hundred gazillion of those dollars belong to the American people. I feel Putin could have saved us a considerable amount of taxpayer dollars. He probably would have just taken all that stuff by force without paying for it. The end result is the same, except for the executives that might have been executed for speaking out against Putin’s takeover, but it would cost far less money.

The Democrats in Congress are wanting to resurrect the “Fairness Doctrine” which would, in effect, end conservative talk radio. See, liberal talk radio loses money every time. Conservative talk radio makes money. By forcing conservative talk radio to add liberal talk radio, talk radio is no longer profitable. All the stations will be playing light airy favorites of the seventies and eighties. Then, the only media voices you’ll hear will be Keith Olbermann, and Joy Beharr. What fun. President Putin on the other hand would end conservative radio, liberal radio, and would likely execute the hosts of The View for being insufferable cunts. That’s a policy I can get behind.

There’s an old saying that goes “If you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly bear.” Maybe in this case it should be “If you’re gonna be a bear be a Soviet bear.” The point is the same. Why do things half-assed? At least Putin will defend our borders, and make sure islamofascists are afraid to mess with us. The bright side is we won’t have to suffer through another one of those lame “Chill wind” speeches from Hollywood types. They’ll either embrace the new administration or die. Preferably the latter.

If you liked this, you’ll love the law enforcement humor and political satire of JumpOut’s own blog: You Should be Tasered.