Political Humor

In this current climate of financial crisis, many of us will be finding ourselves laid off, or seeking supplementary income. Others will be cutting back on expenses in any way that the belt can be tightened. This leads us to an important question that will be either asked or answered by many readers of this conservative humor site.

Would you like fries with that?

Discuss.

Satire

Washington, DC (AP) Despite the pending house vote today and fearing that Congress, left to it’s own devices, could not correct the country’s current fiscal course, Bush took action.

In a desperate move, very early this morning, The President called upon the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) to help bring an end to the financial crisis that -without a huge infusion of capital- would have toppled mortgage giants Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac. This is the same train wreck in the making that has brought down major banking and insurance icons, and caused panic on Wall Street.

In a 3 AM call placed from his bedside phone, Bush urged the sleepy society’s board to take immediate steps to aid the ailing economy. Later in an interview with partisan, extreme right-wing lap dogs at the Wall Street Journal, he reveled the content of that call. “Being a lame duck got me pontifafying ’bout animals,” he told the Journal. “You know, those animals that can’t defendicate themselves.”

When asked how the SPCA could possibly help the worse banking failure since the Great Depression, Bush replied, Government and corporate leaders have failed the American people. We’ve screwed the pooch repeatedly on this one and that’s animal abuse.” He added, “Once the public understands the ramificational aspects of this horrendiferous act, Congress will be forced to do the right thing. Mission Accomplished.”

The SPCA’s board of directors could not be reached for a comment.

More of Les James’ factual reporting and other crap can be found at Satire and Military Humor at Sideshow Mirrors.

The Senate passed the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 Wednesday and this bailout bill is exactly what this country needs to get the political humor flowing again.

I mean economy. Whoops.

The economy is not struggling because Democrats forced banks to make bad loans, then those banks turned around and re-packaged the loans into securities, selling them over and over using their perceived value alone to drive the sales and make more loans until inflation caught up with an ever-increasing money supply, sending the whole mess tumbling down faster then the objectivity of Saturday Night Live’s political humor.

Those are mainstream media lies.

The truth is this is all Bush’s fault. Thankfully, the Senate came to our rescue with a new and improved Economic Stabilization Act. No longer are we talking about our government buying billions of dollars in distressed properties worth nothing or our Treasury department becoming so powerful they might as well appoint Armando Montelongo, famed house flipper as Secretary.

This is serious and finally the real causes of the financial meltdown are being addressed.

The Bailout Bill deals with serious economic cripplers like solar panels. If they were more affordable it would fend off the specter of high fuel costs and restore consumer confidence. The legislation will allow tax deductions for the purchase of solar panels and lead to economic expansion.

What, they cost thousands of dollars? Come on man, use a credit card. Does Congress have to do all the thinking for you?

The Bailout bill will devote tax dollars to wool modifications. If tax breaks on solar panels don’t help, then people will need sweaters in the winter and any improvements in wool would be a huge benefit. This is another way to reduce fuel costs and get the economy moving again, unlike something stupid like drilling for our own oil.

Warmer wool sweaters mean more money in your pocket. Feeling stimulated economically yet? Me too, so much so that I’m thinking of buying Wachovia stock.

There is improved insurance coverage for mental health patients in the Bailout Bill. There are a lot of moonbats and they require medication to maintain their emotional stability. Without this provision millions of wacky liberals will be homeless. We can’t have economic growth if we have all these vagabond Democrats milling about where we live, work, and shop.

The financial health of America is tightly tied into how much excise tax is put on companies that make wooden shafts for arrows for children. The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act includes an exemption to the tax for this crucial cog of the underpinnings of the economic system. This will lead to the end of the credit freeze.

The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 is just what the doctor ordered to fix our ailing economy. It is a good thing Congress did not pull the modified wool over our eyes with a copy of the failed House Bailout Bill, the one we all agreed was horrible a few days ago.

Sleep well America. Your financial future is finally secure.

Chris Cameron writes this political humor insanity every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his strange view on life at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com doesn’t have a bailout plan but they have very funny blogs. Lots of great choices unlike in politics.