Political Humor

The Senate passed the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 Wednesday and this bailout bill is exactly what this country needs to get the political humor flowing again.

I mean economy. Whoops.

The economy is not struggling because Democrats forced banks to make bad loans, then those banks turned around and re-packaged the loans into securities, selling them over and over using their perceived value alone to drive the sales and make more loans until inflation caught up with an ever-increasing money supply, sending the whole mess tumbling down faster then the objectivity of Saturday Night Live’s political humor.

Those are mainstream media lies.

The truth is this is all Bush’s fault. Thankfully, the Senate came to our rescue with a new and improved Economic Stabilization Act. No longer are we talking about our government buying billions of dollars in distressed properties worth nothing or our Treasury department becoming so powerful they might as well appoint Armando Montelongo, famed house flipper as Secretary.

This is serious and finally the real causes of the financial meltdown are being addressed.

The Bailout Bill deals with serious economic cripplers like solar panels. If they were more affordable it would fend off the specter of high fuel costs and restore consumer confidence. The legislation will allow tax deductions for the purchase of solar panels and lead to economic expansion.

What, they cost thousands of dollars? Come on man, use a credit card. Does Congress have to do all the thinking for you?

The Bailout bill will devote tax dollars to wool modifications. If tax breaks on solar panels don’t help, then people will need sweaters in the winter and any improvements in wool would be a huge benefit. This is another way to reduce fuel costs and get the economy moving again, unlike something stupid like drilling for our own oil.

Warmer wool sweaters mean more money in your pocket. Feeling stimulated economically yet? Me too, so much so that I’m thinking of buying Wachovia stock.

There is improved insurance coverage for mental health patients in the Bailout Bill. There are a lot of moonbats and they require medication to maintain their emotional stability. Without this provision millions of wacky liberals will be homeless. We can’t have economic growth if we have all these vagabond Democrats milling about where we live, work, and shop.

The financial health of America is tightly tied into how much excise tax is put on companies that make wooden shafts for arrows for children. The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act includes an exemption to the tax for this crucial cog of the underpinnings of the economic system. This will lead to the end of the credit freeze.

The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 is just what the doctor ordered to fix our ailing economy. It is a good thing Congress did not pull the modified wool over our eyes with a copy of the failed House Bailout Bill, the one we all agreed was horrible a few days ago.

Sleep well America. Your financial future is finally secure.

Chris Cameron writes this political humor insanity every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his strange view on life at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com doesn’t have a bailout plan but they have very funny blogs. Lots of great choices unlike in politics.

Barack Obama is ready to lead all 58 states out of the current financial crisis. With John McCain vowing to suspend his campaign until a bailout bill, an unidentified reporter asked Obama:

“Do you plan on attending the debate Friday? And is Senator McCain playing politics with this by saying he would not go to the debate?”

Anxious to take the nation’s top position for the next 8-10 years, Obama responded:

It’s my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who in approximately 40 days will be responsible for dealing with this mess. And I think that it is, uh, it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once.

He was then asked if he would stay on the campaign trail or head back to Washington DC to vote “present” on the bill. Obama geared up into superhuman superhero mode and replied:

If I can be helpful, then I am prepared to be anywhere, any time. If you need us, if I can be helpful, I am prepared to be there at any point. Presidents are going to have to deal with more than one thing at a time. Uh, it’s not necessary for us to think that, uh, we can only do one thing, uh, and suspend everything else.

Barack Obama can do more than one thing at a time

• He can send an email telling reporters the number of houses he owns.
• He can lift his arms above his head while reading from a teleprompter.
• He can assume the Presidency on election day while suspending the US Constitution… From his ears!
• He can protect women from being punished with a baby while putting lipstick on a pig.
• He can save the country from financial crisis while denying knowledge of his America hating, race baiting, terrorist friends.

Is there anything Barack Obama can’t do?

Other than speak coherently without the support of a teleprompter.

Video Link

What other amazing things can Super Obama do simultaneously?

Original image credit Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C. by Phillip Ritz This conservative political humor has been brought to you by Radioactive Liberty.

The humor has surely left Wall Street but the political handouts have only just begun in the worst financial crisis since the savings and loan debacle nearly two decades ago. Had they listened to me and my discovery of a great new banking service that I talked about here on Radioactive Liberty awhile back all of this could have been avoided.

Let’s not kid around though. The financial crisis is so serious George Bush went on television Wednesday night claiming there were weapons of mass destruction in the economy and that if we don’t give absolute power to the government and go to war we will be nukified.

No kidding, he said nukified.

Bush did not mention sending the people who run AIG, Lehman Brothers, and the other financial corporations’ leaders to Gitmo for waterboarding however. It is a shame because torture never looked so appealing.

Of course the rest of our fine politicians with their strong leadership are stepping up to the plate. Congress took action, by-passing their recess to burn the midnight oil and solve this crisis:

“Rep. Jane Harman (D-Calif.) wants to stick around. ”I am recommending that Congress postpone its planned recess. We should stay here until we find the right answer to this problem,” she said.

“If it takes two or three weeks, that’s okay,” said Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio)”

It is funny that when we had $4-a-gallon gasoline, our elected leaders of the House and Senate didn’t postpone their break. Back then we were taking the financial hit of course and not their cronies on Wall Street. None of us have given millions to their campaigns.

Try breaking down all the payouts and handouts and donations that have gone on between the financial industry and our honest and caring leaders in Washington and it becomes a political version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

I can not blame the politicians though. I hear this time of year is bad to take a vacation anyway because the Hamptons are just swarming with leaf peepers. The beautiful people don’t want to want to deal with Nana and Grandpa plodding along in the Crown Victoria looking at trees. Besides, the politicians would have to actually be nice to them because old people are the most-likely demographic to vote.

On a side note, I am not sure I will be voting when I’m old. By that point why would I give a crap? Besides, old people aren’t good for elections simply because their reference points are in the past. They are always babbling on about how hamburgers were a nickel and during the Depression people ate their own shoes.

Speaking of the Great Depression, we need to elect Barack Obama.

Oh the fun you can have with a double entendre. But seriously, unlike Bush, Joe Biden would be the perfect person to go on television and help calm the frayed nerves of America like Franklin D. Roosevelt did in 1929. Really, it happened that way. Joe Biden said so.

He’d make a great history teacher by the way.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly drivel pretending to be a political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd angles on life at his humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com can’t stop licking it’s groin. Please got there to read funny blogs and make it stop. Kinda grossing me out.

More Conservative Political Humor

* The Secretary of the Treasury has an important message for the American people.
* Bush: Congress Must Act to Save Stupid People
* McCain to suspend campaign