Political Humor

I know Media Matters a.k.a. Mrs. Johnson’s 6th grade writing class has a playground war, I mean an obsession with FOX News but this is ridiculous.

One of their latest posts, “The 50 Worst Things Glenn Beck Said” is nearly 14,000 words long, twenty-eight pages in a Word document.

14,000 words!

By the time someone finishes reading it…

Glenn Beck will be back on the air at FOX News.

Couples will have conceived and birthed children.

Nancy Pelosi will have read the Obamacare Act.

Voters will oust Obama in 2012.

I know the post is nearly all quotations but it still is 14,000 words. That isn’t blogging. That’s slave labor which is not surprising for the left. Old habits die hard apparently.

I hope for their sake they just picked fifty quotes and did not actually take a list of a few hundred and narrow them down to the current number. But knowing how the liberal mind operates they probably got really high one night and made a naked Twister game out of it. Then afterwords, they hung out in the bushes outside FOX News studios like all Media Matters stalkers do.

So how much is 14,000 words?

Our posts here at Radioactive Liberty are generally about 200-400 words, so let’s call it an average of 300. It would take forty-seven posts just to equal their leviathan. At the rate we publish that’s two months of content. Three if we are in a really lazy mood.

If we placed each of the 14,000 words end-to-end it would reach around the world twice. But it would take even longer to place them because it would be done by government workers.

Still not as long as reading the blog post though.

[Thanks to Buzzpal for the Trump pic.]

State of the Union Speech

The following is a rambling, ‘stream of consciousness’ email sent from President Barack Hussein Obama to his speechwriters, as a starting point for the State of the Union speech. It gives a hint at the inner workings of the mind of our Commander and Chief.

Here are a few thoughts about what to include in the State Of the Union Speech.

President Of The United States = POTUS. State Of The Union = SOTU. I’m POTUS, I am in charge of the states, so really it’s about me, my state and what I am. So should be called the State Of Barack.

People like it when I use ‘I’,’ ‘me’ and the ‘royal we’ in my speeches. Gives impression I’m one of them. Which I’m not, but still… Use liberally.

State of the Union? Point: I’m not giving the speech in a state. It’s in D.C.. What the hell is a District anyway?

Question: What is the State of the Union?

Answer: Uncivil.

Solution: We need a Civil Union. I’m for Civil Unions. It isn’t called the State of the Marriage Speech for a reason. Can’t imagine Rhode Island being married to Arizona, for example.

Then again, James Carville is married to Mary Matalin. Must re-think gay marriage. Wouldn’t it be great if we had two gay generals married to each other? Just a thought, don’t use.

Put emphasis on the Most Vulnerable -Poor, Children and Elderly. Work in that Republicans don’t like them.

Economy: Don’t use Laser-like focus on jobs anymore; instead, Create Climate for Growth or some such. This type of Climate Change is good. The government has grown and is prospering. So expansion and prosperity are possible. I have set the standard. Now businesses need to globally warm to the New Normal.

We will not bailout states, but will instead invest in programs that give me the best chance of re-election (note- put in better terms). Like ensuring state government worker’s and teacher’s pensions are fully funded. Spin to say we are doing it for the children, etc.

Must fix gap between haves and have-nots. Cuba is good example. Better not use that either.

Will fight Bush Tax Cuts in 2012.

Justification: Higher taxes create jobs by providing more money for the government to invest in Job Growth Programs, which leads to more jobs, and more people having more money, so we can tax their higher incomes, and then we can justify raising taxes so we don’t have to pull the plug on granny. Republicans will kill elderly and children if we don’t invest or they mess with Obama Care.

Thought: The country is divided. No way to bring country together, so get rid of opposition. Problem solved. Make sure Tea Party, talk radio and Fox News are silenced.

Action: I will sign an Executive Order against Hate Speech -that, and looking for my Birth Certificate.

Work in Michelle’s Miracle Garden that grows under snow, and feeds hungry kids in Africa and Honduras.

Ensure there are plenty of applause lines. With Democrats and Republicans sitting together, I want them popping up all over the place, like Wack-A-Mole.

Oh, and since seating is different this time, get some dirty kids with head lice to sit next to Thomas and Scalia or Boehner and Cantor, but for sure Paul Ryan. If you can’t get the kids, find some bag ladies with scabies.

Biggest Point: MAKE ME LOOK GOOD! I do already, but you know what I mean. Remember there are a lot of turn-overs in my administration right now, and I hear Keith Olberman is looking for job.

Then again, Olberman might make a good Press Secretary replacement for Robert Gibbs.

Time once again for my yearly predictions. Unlike in the past, where I was all over the place I put all my eggs in two baskets for 2011.

That’s right, just two prognostications. It is how I roll these days. That and I couldn’t come up with a third one.

MSNBC will ban FOX News

Thanks to the 2010 ratings, which revealed MSNBC had worse numbers than a Spike TV “Cops” Christmas Day marathon, the official spokes-network for the Obama administration will announce they are banning FOX News.

Unfortunately, Keith Olberman will be faced with a shortage of material for his show and will attempt to quit the network. There will be a huge write-in campaign by his medicated fans to keep him and as a result will be the only talking head on MSNBC allowed to even mention the words “FOX News“.

Palin Derangement Syndrome officially replaces Bush version

After a year where W rehabilitated his public image to the point most people no longer think he was a bad President it will be tough to pin the woes of our society on him in 2012.

The liberals’ Great White Hope is now Sarah Palin. Sure, the left has been in the throes of PDS for two years but always in the shadow of BDS. Now that the latter has been purged, the former will take over the host body of the liberals.

And since Palin is expected by many to run for President in 2012 we should see a massive outbreak of PDS the likes of which we have not seen since the Black Plague.

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Help Chris come up with a third prediction in the comments below…