Political Humor

Obama Bugs Me

Judge Walker, the chief judge of the Federal District Court in San Francisco (like you couldn’t guess the city), ruled this past Wednesday the National Security Agency’s program of surveillance on U.S citizens, sans warrants is… can I get a drum roll please?… illegal. Now where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, Sen Barack Obama. Still, his administration has tried to keep this well used program  shrouded in secrecy. I guess it’s OK to spy on us as long as George Bush isn’t President.

Could I have made that caption any more awkward?

Fast Food Fix

Fast food will make your children steal, and it’s not their fault. That’s right, eating burgers and fries will force them to shoplift from convenience stores, burglarize your neighbor’s homes and lift cash from your wallets.

Why? Because recent studies have shown it’s as addictive as heroin. We’ve all seen what can happen when McDonald’s runs out of McNuggets -it’s crack whore central.

But don’t worry, Michelle Obama will get your kids into a 12 Step Program, while Kathleen Sebelus shuts down the Fast Food Cartels. It’s up against the wall, Ronald. You’re being replaced with Mickey Mao.

Speaking of 12 Step Programs, when Tiger Woods went into sex rehab, was he slowly weaned-off of porn stars? “OK Tiger, this week we’re going to cut you down to only four women a day. Next week it’s three.” The inhumanity.

The Obama Presidency: Downsizing Your Exceptions

Is Obama Practicing Black Magic?

Ali Hussein Subat, a Lebanese magician, was sentenced to death last month in Saudi Arabia for sorcery, but he’s been given a temporary reprieve. Subat claims he practiced black magic over the past eight years in order to treat patients.

In other words, a man with absolutely no medical training or background -and with the middle name Hussein- thought he could magically run a health care program.

If he walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and weights the same as a duck, he’s made of wood. Therefore…

Does anyone else see a disturbing pattern? Or is it just me?

Hey, visit my other blogs, please. I’ve haven’t done much lately with Mild Max and my crusade against the Global Warming crowd. Then there’s more political humor and satire at Sideshow Mirrors, where Eric’s been having a ball, but he’s getting kind of lonely -’cause I haven’t been posting much there either. Stop by and say hi to him, won’t ya?

NOTICE: The comments section is malfunctioning on this post. Please jot down your rage-filled rantings so you won’t forget the exact vitriol-laced verbiage when it comes back on-line.  Still, the only reason you would do that is because you’re gay.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Gratefully, I was an Army Recruiter before that inane rule came out. After 1993, recruiters could still disqualify guys if they were commies, but not if they looked for magazines under their mother’s side of the bed. Thanks, Bill.

I’ve been retired for ten years, but I can’t imagine opinions have change much concerning Pole Smokers in uniform. This politically correct and insightful post will focus on those kind, as we men really don’t care if a few of the opposite sex prefers some tacky little pamphlet in their daddy’s bottom drawer. It’s well known, most red-blooded American males secretly lust for some dirty love with a pair of lesbians.

“I’ve been licking this carpet for 3 hours and I still don’t feel like a Lesbian!”   Eric Cartman

Men are dogs… sometimes poodles. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s true. We hetro guys fantasize a lot about inserting our Tab A’s into a female’s (or six) Slot B’s. That’s just the way we roll.

Those homo guys on the other hand, think a lot about sticking their Tab A’s into our Slot C’s. Not cool.

This is one reason the Greatest Fighting Force in the World doesn’t need flamers, burning down the door as they burst out of their closets, -or in this case, wall lockers- before flitting out to prance around the parade field.

Jeff Foxworthy said, “I’d like a beer and I’d like to see something naked.” I’m 100% certain Jeff was talking about women. That pretty much sums up most dudes, but not all.  President Obama wants the Department of Defense to slide butt pirates into that statement. That’s something I’d pay good money NOT to see.

Don’t try to tell me that they’re only interested in other gay guys. I call bullshit on that notion. If that’s true, the Armed Forces should also allow married males to group shower with married females. After all, they aren’t interested in those women, right?

Seriously, the last thing I’d want -if I was still on active duty- is to have to shower with a guy who was checking out my military member. The essence of this is, human nature is human nature, no matter how unnatural and sickening it may be.

Still, if you want to serve your country and you’re some kind of deviated pervert, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself. Don’t dick with the good order and discipline of the U.S. Military by attempting to co-mingle your nasty twisted, with their straight, precious bodily fluids.

Come on, really… what makes anyone think that telling a heroic group of young, testosterone laden warriors they should serve with guys who openly admit to wet dreaming about them, is going to have a positive outcome?

Here’s a thought for our wonderful men in the Armed Forces, if Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell does get rescinded, don’t punch them in the face. Instead, every time some Puss in Boots looks at you wrong, pats you on the back, or makes any kind of statement that you could even remotely take as an innuendo, make it known you’re uncomfortable, and believe you’ve been sexual harassed. They want all the same rights and privileges. Give ‘em to ‘em.

I’d like hear your thoughts on this subject. I’d especially like to hear from women. Ladies please let me know what you think about Lesbos in Camos. That, and are you and a girlfriend into three-ways?

I’m only ah, joking about the three-ways thing. Yeah, that’s it. Really. Please don’t tell my wife. I’m kind of attached to my… er… you know.