Political Humor

I know Media Matters a.k.a. Mrs. Johnson’s 6th grade writing class has a playground war, I mean an obsession with FOX News but this is ridiculous.

One of their latest posts, “The 50 Worst Things Glenn Beck Said” is nearly 14,000 words long, twenty-eight pages in a Word document.

14,000 words!

By the time someone finishes reading it…

Glenn Beck will be back on the air at FOX News.

Couples will have conceived and birthed children.

Nancy Pelosi will have read the Obamacare Act.

Voters will oust Obama in 2012.

I know the post is nearly all quotations but it still is 14,000 words. That isn’t blogging. That’s slave labor which is not surprising for the left. Old habits die hard apparently.

I hope for their sake they just picked fifty quotes and did not actually take a list of a few hundred and narrow them down to the current number. But knowing how the liberal mind operates they probably got really high one night and made a naked Twister game out of it. Then afterwords, they hung out in the bushes outside FOX News studios like all Media Matters stalkers do.

So how much is 14,000 words?

Our posts here at Radioactive Liberty are generally about 200-400 words, so let’s call it an average of 300. It would take forty-seven posts just to equal their leviathan. At the rate we publish that’s two months of content. Three if we are in a really lazy mood.

If we placed each of the 14,000 words end-to-end it would reach around the world twice. But it would take even longer to place them because it would be done by government workers.

Still not as long as reading the blog post though.

[Thanks to Buzzpal for the Trump pic.]

Anthony Sticks it to Glenn
or Weiner Looks for Buns

Hey boys and girls,
it’s the Anthony Weiner Song!
Grab your Weiner Whistles,
and join along!

To the old Oscar Meyer Balogna tune

Ohhhh, Mister Weiner has a first name
It’s A-N-T-H… O… N …Y
(Crap, that’s awkward)
Mr Wiener has a second name
It’s… mmm… W-E-I-N-E-R

Heeeee tries to screw Glenn everyday
and take-down Goldline so they say

‘Cus, Weiner thinks Beck has a way
to manipulate the entire world’s supply of gold, and is causing the price to dramatically rise through fear mongering -enriching himself- while making a huge sums of cash for his favorite com-pan-y

Maybe it still needs some work.

Get all the plumb, juicy news at Weinerfacts.com

From the Is This Too Obscure? File

Okay Chris C or Eric or someone, please explain it to those who don’t get it.

Arizona’s Racist Anti-Immigrant Law

First I want to disclose, just like so many of those who are criticizing Arizona’s illegal immigrant law, I haven’t read it. This in no way should be construed as a reason not to form an opinion and write about it. Just like our illustrious Attorney General, Eric Holder and Janet Napalitno, I’ve listened to CNN, MethNBC, et al, and now know everything I need to know. Actually I haven’t listened to ‘em, but who cares?

This is what I’ve figured out:

This law is unconstitutional, unfair and unPC. States don’t have the right to expect THE STATE to enforce it’s own laws.

All people with brown skin will be stopped, simply because of the way they look.

The All-White, Racist Arizona Police will demand their kind prove they are here legally.

Even if they have the proper ID, these noble people -only looking to do jobs American’s won’t do- will be treated as criminals until such time as these poor folks can prove they haven’t stolen the identity of a dead child.

This is going to be difficult from a windowless cell, with both their eyes swollen shut, jaws broken and getting water boarded twice a day, for no good reason other than the guards enjoyment.

Heavily armed Men in Black will raid Hispanic neighborhoods, under the cover of darkness, and snatch up young children. Just like Janet Reno did to Elian Gonzalez.

If these South of the Border Visitors don’t have papers, they will be sent to Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s desert concentration camp.

There to be beaten until both eyes swell shut, have their jaws broken and be water boarded, for no good reason. And that’s just during the orientation social.

Since they no longer look like any picture they may be able to produce, every illegal (or not) will be beaten again -for good measure- and deported.

Even if they came from Viet Nam, they’re going to Mexico.

Except French illegals. They’re going to be sent to Viet Nam. There’s lots of Viet Nam War Vets in Arizona. They haven’t forgotten. It’s a cold sort of justice, but still…

Thousands of Caucasians from the Grand Canyon State will line-up near a border town’s southern boundary. Tired, hungry, huddled masses of dirty, smelly, bloody Mexicans will then be chased by Dobermans back to where they came from, to the cheers of the Arizona mob, throwing rotten tomatillos.

I think I nailed it.

A Little Extra

Miss USA, Rima Fakah may have pole danced, but not like this.

It’s almost 2010. Holy crap, that was fast. I could go on and on -giving you a retrospective  about the last year- but it hasn’t been a great one for conservatives. So, I’ve decided to skip the Auld Lang Syne this time in favor looking forward to next year. And what better way to do that then to start out with a big party?

New Year’s Eve has got to be a blowout bash this year. The booze and food are easy. I’ll invite all my friends and… Okay, the guest list the gets tough. I don’t have very many friends. No, don’t get all mushy, saying “That’s alright Les, your a really nice guy. It’s their loss”, and other mindless drivel. The fact is I don’t have many friends… on purpose. I choose to live in rural America and limit my contact with people. You’ve been around ‘em. Seriously, are most of ‘em worth your time?

Off track again, sorry. Anyway, if I did have friends, then I’d need a great guest. I was thinking of a big-named, right wing personality. Wouldn’t that be cool? You’d want to attend, right? Yeah, NOW you want to be my friend.

So, I wrote a list of all the conservative media types I could think of, and then started crossing them off. What I ended up with, was this short list:

My Short List

Sean Hannity – Nice enough guy, but there’s one great big problem –he’d want to listen to cowboys yodeling or off-pitch caterwauling from some guy with a washboard strapped to his chest and another playing a two-string, stand-up bass, made out of empty pony keg and a broom stick. He’s off the list.

Mark Steyn – That dude’s funny. Every time he sits in for Rush or guest host for Hannity, I’m there. Too bad he’s Canadian and his head hinges all wrong. Sorry.

Michelle Malkin – Way smart. I appreciate that in a woman, and she looks good in a bikini too. Serious. The only issue I see is when she gets wound-up, it would be like listening to your old high school chemistry teacher explaining hydrogen bonds. Boring. She’s gone. Well, on second thought. Maybe if she wore skimpy swim wear…

Rush Limbaugh – Wow! What a coup that would be! I’d have to hire armed bouncers to keep both the right and wrong people from crashing the party. It’d be expensive, but worth it. Except… there’s those cigars. Sorry, Rush. There’s no smoking in my house. Won’t make an exception, even for you. Guess you won’t be getting an invitation either.

Laura Ingraham – Naw. Her name should have been crossed off earlier.
Way too confrontational.

Sarah Palin – Totally hot! I’d even let her husband tag along. He seems like a cool guy. I lived in Alaska for several years. I can relate. She’s down home, girl next door nice. Sensible… except, there was that wardrobe thing during the elections. I never believed the rumors, but she just sold a jacket for like $57000 or something. Oh, Sarah.

Ann Coulter – Okay… ah, how do I say this? I love listening to Ann, but I’m not sure I want her in my home. Fine, I’ll just say it. She kind of scares me. I think part of it those massive, fake eyelashes and black eyeliner. Plus, I picture her house having a sound proof basement. Please Miss Coulter, don’t take offense at this… please.

Glenn Beck – YES! Perfect. Beck it is. The guy’s funny, down to earth and he seems really accessible. Sharing a beer with Glenn Beck, what could be… Crap, he’s a recovering alcoholic. This isn’t going to work. So I guess he’s gone too.

So much for my fantastic Conservative New Year’s Eve Party. I suppose I’ll just go bed early on the 31st… again.

Les James also hangs around Sideshow Mirrors, which features political satire and humor, and the global warming denying, Mild Max.