Political Humor

I know I’m a day late and a dollar short on Earth Day, but if we don’t get our act together we all will be. Earth day is a day that Subversive Conservative Right Wing Extremists celebrate with wastefulness, destructiveness, and beating hippies. In tribute to our Earth Day celebration, I bring you a round up of related posts.

On a related note, I suddenly felt a brief moment of empathy with the “Freedom from Religion” Atheists, when my stepdaughter got home and was all “Earth Day this” and “Earth Day that.” I felt compelled to run to the school and tell them, “Stop teaching my kid your stupid Global Warming Religion!”

Here are our top 10 Earth Day Posts:

I Believe in the Climate Change Fairy. Beat reporter Les James captures this exclusive and undoctored snapshot. You won’t want to miss it.

Save the planet by polluting it. Obama’s plan to save the planet is ambitious. Find out why it’s just not quite ambitious enough.

Man made Global warming top 10 list. Ten reasons Les James is looking forward to a warmer planet.

Questions about Global warming/climate change. Some hard hitting questions about global warming/cooling/climate change/whatever.

Facts about global warming. A satirical FAQ on global warming. You might be surprised what you learn.

Global warming kills Nessie. Chris Cameron brings us this exclusive investigative report.

7 Precautionary tips on beating hippies. If your planning a hippies beating outing, you will want to be sure to check out these essential safety tips first.

Hippies Taxonomy. Jump Out uses his law enforcement training and goes undercover to reveal the types of hippies to llok out for.

French = Hippies. Les James informs us about how hippies and the French are alike.

Global Warming and Narnia. The Chronicles of Narnia are a cautionary tale.

Please drop links to your favorite global warming/Earth day/dirty hippie humor from around the web, including your own work, if you see fit.

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The Obama Administration has suggested a bold plan to save the planet from global warming. There are many that seem to think that filling the air with pollution in order to reverse global warming could have adverse unintended consequences. We heard a lot about unintended consequences with respect to Bush and the invasion of Iraq, such as Saddam’s head coming clean off at his hanging, finding out that Russia isn’t our Best Friend Forever now that the Cold War is over, and learning – In a shocking turn of events – That the French are insufferable wimps, and don’t like us. For the life of me, I can’t remember what adverse unintended consequences there were supposed to be.

As much as I – as a member of the right wing attack machine – would like to criticize the Obama Plan to save the Earth by polluting it, I can’t. I mean, He wants to pollute the Earth and make it inhospitable to all life. That’s like the holy grail of being an evil conservative, but the plan is merely a good start. It simply doesn’t go far enough. We have to do more to realize our Utopian dream of returning the Earth to it’s pristine state of the Ice Age.

Remember when your father would complain that you needed to close the door because you were air conditioning the outdoors. He never realized how brilliant he really was. Perhaps he was just a stodgy old man that couldn’t understand kids these days and their newfangled denim jeans. Air conditioning the outdoors should be part of the solution to our impending agreeable climate problem. Turn down the thermostat so that your house resembles a walk in freezer. Do it for the Earth. Do it for the Children.

The Earth has a fever, and in order to treat it’s fever, we should buy up all the Tylenol and Ibuprofen we can and dump it in the nearest body of water. This should be effective as a fever reducer. Now, some of you may be unwilling to part with your money to buy up all these drugs, but turning the planet into an icebox will require sacrifice. If you are not willing to go the extra mile to save the earth from it’s human pestilence, I say to you, “You monster! Why won’t you do your part to cleanse the Earth of future generations of Earth killing humans.

Transformed from original image: Ice Hole Swimming by Lauri Väin

I know when I have a fever, it makes me feel better to have some ice cream, or Popsicles. We could also buy up all the ice cream and Popsicles we can and dump them in the nearest body of water. If that doesn’t work, then you should say, No! Bad! Bad Earth!” and swat it in the nose with a newspaper. If you don’t know where the Earth’s nose is, the nearest dirty hippie should suffice.

Unfortunately, our mere existence is a plague upon our home planet. We are a cancer, and as such, we should treat the Earth as if it has cancer. The main idea here is to poison the host body so thoroughly that it is cleansed of the disease, but not quite enough to kill the host body. That is why shooting pollution into the atmosphere is a great idea.

Back in the 70s when we were afraid of the global coldening that was occurring, we had the idea to cover the ice caps in soot to absorb more of the Sun’s heat. This caused the Earth to voluntarily change course and begin warming up, because it did not want emphysema. We could apply the very same sort of scare tactics today. Tell the Earth to shape up, or ship out. It’s what I like to call tough love. That’s a term I invented to convey the message that sometimes you have to be tough towards that which you love. I also invented the Internet.

However, the Earth seems to have suffered a fit of teenage independence and rebellion, and has returned to coldening over the last decade. The upside of this is that coldening is now a Good Thing™ by all objective measures. Assuming that by “all” you mean “hysterical kooks” and by “objective” you mean “mental hospital patient.”

This simply will not do. The ice caps are receding in the summer, and the cute, fuzzy, little harmless polar bears are going to go extinct if we don’t do something drastic and immediate. To this end, I have a suggestion. We could wire up the ice caps the same way they do with an ice skating rink. It works for Madison Square Garden, it can work for the Arctic.

If none of these measures work, we should wrap the ice caps in aluminum foil to deflect the heat of the Sun’s rays. Aluminum deflects heat. You can stick a baked potato in a fire and it cooks it instead of burning it as fuel for the fire. As an added bonus, it will go well with the tin foil hats now in fashion.

Finally, I propose that since the ice caps are made up of ice, we could ship ice to the arctic on a high speed, nationwide monorail.

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What other solutions do you have to offer?

Have you ever wondered how all of these Democrats can drive around in their big cars, live in their huge homes and fly all around the world in private jets with no guilt? Up until now it’s been a closely guarded secret.

Hi, Billy Mays here again -this time for the one product that will allow you too, to live the energy wasting lifestyle you’ve always dreamed about, but were too eco-conscious to pursue.

Green is good and what could be more green than planting a tree, saving an endangered species’ habitat or building a windmill? Nothing! Nothing could be better. So if you’re ready to go green, then you’re doing a good thing, and doing a good thing makes you good person!

And good people know a good thing when they see one.

Introducing the Obama Carbon Offset Coins! Each coin bears the Earth-friendly face of President Barack Obama. Because they’re minted in China*, we can offer them to you at an astonishingly low price.

Each coin you purchase will help save an old growth tree, build an environmentally friendly energy source, or adopt an orphan tree.

These old growth trees are home to endangered species like the Red Cockade Woodpecker and the Spotted Owl, and deserve to be preserved.

Wild mills and solar panels are not the only way to gain energy independence but they are the greenest. For each dollar you spend on an Obama Carbon Offset Coin, a full three cents will go to one of these worth projects. Now that’s change you can believe in.

But the one that pulls at my heartstrings, and I hope your purse strings, is the Orphan Tree Fund. Millions of trees are living in desperate situations, in impoverished nations around the world. Many of these trees have never been hugged. By purchasing Obama coins, you give these neglected trees a chance to grow-up and lead productive lives, cleaning harmful CO2 from our air.

For just one Obama Carbon Offset Coin a week, you can help change the life of a deserving tree…forever. Four times a year, you will receive a picture of your tree and a report on how it’s doing. Suitable for framing, you’ll treasure your tree and feel good about yourself, because you’ll know that not only have you saved a tree, you’re saving the planet.

And if you order your Obama Carbon Offset Coins in the next twenty minutes, we’ll throw-in Transparency In Government, a life-sized poster of Vice-President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This poster proves the Democrat Party has nothing to hide.

So you get the Obama Carbon Offset coins and a Joe and Hillary poster.

But wait there’s more!

As an added bonus, we’re going to give you a second poster. That’s right. Just for ordering in the next twenty minutes, we’ll send you -absolutely free- Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi showing that they too can wear the Emperor Obama’s New Clothes.

Get yours now!

Due to high demand, the phone lines may be busy. Dial 1-800-HUG-TREE, that’s 1-800-HUG-TREE and be prepared to wait. Getting your Obama Carbon Offset Coins are just like getting economic recovery.

*Obama Carbon Offset Coins cannot be sold to children under 16 due to the lead content.

Les James is saving trees by humor blogging at Sideshow Mirrors

Related: Obama Economic Stimulus Jokes