Political Humor

Today, Global Warming brought an onslaught of snow and continuing cold weather to many areas around the Great Lakes, and in the Northeast United States.

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Now, I’m not a repository of quantitative data on what the weather is supposed to be like on November 21 each year, but there are a few things I recall quite clearly. I remember that I could never go snowboarding in winter unless I went to Vermont, because the temperature wouldn’t drop below 45 degrees, even in February. I would look at the weather report and scream at the television – “Just get cold enough for them to f^^king MAKE snow!” In fact, “most of Pennsylvania’s snowboard mountains close down in February or March.” Yet the skiing industry is booming this year.

I would travel 6 hours to Vermont, and still, I would be lucky if I didn’t wind up going over a rock that put a gouge the size of Springfield Gorge in the bottom. That is, if you could even actually go. Slush has a tendency not to conducive to going fast.

I also remember, as recently as 2 years ago, going to the beach in the middle of October. People would think this is odd, but it’s only 3 weeks after the end of Summer, and it’s actually usually warmer than it is 3 weeks before Summer starts, especially the water temperature. You know, like Memorial day weekend, that people think is the official start of Summer

This year, instead of going to the beach in the middle of October, I was pulling the winter coat out of storage. The temperature hardly ever gets above 45 degrees. The Global Warming People’s Temple Cult and Inquisition won’t see any of this as relevant. They’ll just charge me again with heresy for daring to question the validity of human caused Global Warming.

I know, it makes me stupid to think that humans might not be that important, or powerful. Clearly the entire Universe revolves entirely around us, and the Earth has always been in a solid state, right up until humans ruined the perfect balance with their evil technology. The sun, ocean currents, and volcanic activity are not factors at all, of course. Except to heretics.

The fact is, we are now in a cooling cycle, and the global warming moonbats will find some way to finagle that into being caused by global warming. Mark my words. We’re in for some sort of unbelievable logic that will tell us it’s getting so cold because of all the damned global warming.

How is global warming treating you this year?

I also suggest continuing to follow the facts about global warming thread. I get some real zingers on that. Subscribe to its comments.

More Global Warming Humor: Global Warming Shuts Down South Dakota

Update: Global Warming has waged a vicious attack against southern Louisiana. JumpOut has more details.

A recent report from Germany’s Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences indicates that the next ten years or so, man made global warming will be engaged in a blood feud with Mother Nature, Earth Mother Gaia herself. It seems that the oceans are cooling. The thing about the oceans is that they are big. Really big.

I don’t want to get too bogged down in scientological explanations, but when things are really big, they make a major impact on other, uh… Things.

I hope that concept won’t make your brain hurt as much as it hurt mine. So, anyway, these big, cooling oceans will cause atmospheric cooling of the Earf as a whole.

Global warming hyperventilationists, and peddlers of global warming snake oil – Guaranteed to cure all your tax increase, and intrusive government regulation needs – Assure us that there’s no need for alarm. “Man made” global warming will continue unabated.

It’s just going on a brief holiday while Earth Mother engages in a perfectly natural cycle of cooling. Perhaps Gaia is merely carrying out some counterterrorism measures against that plague most vile and wicked – People.

Take for instance, this Global Warming Amway salesman, Richard Wood, who says:

Those natural climate variations could be stronger than the global-warming trend over the next 10-year period. Without knowing that, you might erroneously think there’s no global warming going on.

Am I the only one more than a little skeptical of a source named Dick Wood? Maybe that’s just me, erroneously thinking that there’s no global warming going on. Seriously. Dick Wood? Is this a news story or a global warming satire?

Another “expert,” Noel Keelnyside, needs your help to free the funds from a Nigerian Bank account:

If we don’t experience warming over the next 10 years, it doesn’t mean that greenhouse-gas warming is not with us. There can be natural fluctuations that may mask climate change in the short term.

Right, I’ll forward you my bank account number post haste Noel.

Either way, the planet will undergo a decade or so of totally natural and organic cooling, which will make it seem like as if there is no warming trend at all. But rest assured, filthy humans will stop at nothing to destroy the very environment that allows them to live. Especially when there’s a profit to turn.

After all, Death and Destruction are such profitable industries. That’s why Democrats support genocidal policies that keep black people out of the way, like their support for the right to murder 50% of the black population before it’s born.

Democrats also like to round up all the black people and cram them into prisons for petty drug related crimes, where they learn to kill each other even more efficiently upon return to their government funded section 8 housing, and wait for the next food stamp pay day.

Sorry, I got a little nostalgic over the whole Death and Destruction thing. I love destruction.

The Global Warming Multi-Level Marketing pyramid scam is in some – to use the technical term – Deep sh*t. Now the con artists and hucksters want us to ignore the entirely natural cycle of warming and cooling that the Earth undergoes.

Global Warming isn’t even an issue. It’s a religion. The Church of Global Warming, Pope/Nobel Prize winner Al Gore presiding. He couldn’t win an election no matter how they tried to twist the vote counting, so he started a cult.

Just like a few knuckleheaded Christian fundamentalists believe in the solid state theory, Global Warming Cultists think that the Earth is, always has been, and always will be exactly like it is. Just so long as the infestation of Humans don’t screw it up.

Nothing to see here, move along. Sure, I did happen to notice you’re combating global warming with a snow shovel, but that doesn’t mean that global warming isn’t happening. Move along, or you might be burned at the stake as a heretic.

Come to think of it, Global Warming really is man made. In the sense of being entirely contrived and fabricated. Also like a religion.

Humor-Blogs.com will destroy the world. I’ll bring the beer and the conservative political humor.

Steps to Combat Global Warming

Life, as we know it will no longer exist in 20 years. Coastal areas will flood. Mountains will slide into the oceans. The air will be toxic with CO2. Humanity is to blame for this impending catastrophe. Humans who have created Global Warming.

You can minimally increase the amount of time we have by taking drastic measures that ruin the quality of life to which you are accustomed. I know that many of you are skeptical that humans are the cause of global climate change, but the evidence presented in An Inconvenient Truth (aff) is irrefutable. Our true President, Al Gore (Peace be upon him) has forewarned us of our doom, and the time to act is now. [Read more →]