Political Humor

I love the smell of liberal desperation in the morning. And when it comes to climate change they are pulling out all the stops.

Bolivia gave up pushing drugs and now peddles Earth Rights.

UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country…

…That document speaks of the country’s natural resources as “blessings,” and grants the Earth a series of specific rights that include rights to life, water and clean air; the right to repair livelihoods affected by human activities; and the right to be free from pollution.

Is Raid banned?

Do I get arrested for murder if I accidentally run over a squirrel that ran out in front of my car?

If someone is breaking a lot of wind will they have to pay a methane discharge fee?

And if I step on grass am I trampling on my lawn’s right to exist and be free from the soles of human intervention?

Oh it gets better…

It also establishes a Ministry of Mother Earth, and provides the planet with an ombudsman whose job is to hear nature’s complaints as voiced by activist and other groups, including the state.

There is no truth to the rumor Al Gore already submitted his application.

I’m kind of disappointed they did not call it the Ministry of Gaia or perhaps Silly Walks.

h/t Heritage Blog.

If the the Republicans don’t cave in to the demands of Democrats on the Budget, the government will shut down. The Democrats would like you to believe that if there is a government shutdown, then poor school children will be forced to kill and cook their grandparents for food — and to save their grandparents the indignity of being a further burden to ObamaCare.

This is a lie. What is far more insidious about the potential for a government shutdown is that the National Parks will be forced to shut down. You may think it’s no big deal for our national parks to be unfunded, but that is horribly incorrect.

The truth is far more terrifying that any Lord of the Flies style dystopia that could be conjured up by overactive imaginations and generally condescending views of people as perpetual helpless victims of Tea Party brutality.

Yes. The TRUTH is that if the government shuts down, a natural disaster of Biblical proportions would occur. Many people are not aware that Yellowstone is a supervolcano, and if it blows, it will make every disaster – man made and natural combined – look like nothing by comparison.

The Earth will be shrouded in darkness and enveloped by ash. The Global Warming Hoax will be declared officially dead as, according to Open University Vulcanologist Professor Stephen Self:

“An area the size of North America can be devastated and pronounced deterioration of global climate would be expected for a few years following the eruption,” Professor Self explained. “They could result in the devastation of world agriculture, severe disruption of food supplies and mass starvation. These effects could be sufficiently severe to threaten the fabric of civilisation.”

Acid rain will pour down from the sky, poisoning the water supply with over 2000 million tons of sulfuric acid being spewed forth from an exploding, and unfunded Yellowstone. Worse yet,

“Fema had no contingency plans for a disaster on this scale. The largest disaster they ever had to deal with was 9/11 and that stretched their resources to the limit,”

Even if they did, THEY WOULDN’T BE FUNDED!

It gets worse still. According to MoveOn.Org “Republican budget cuts to the Department of Energy’s Office of Science could kill.” Indeed it will, as SCIENCE!™ is the only hope humanity has to avert this global natural disaster, and Republicans want to defund the very scientific discoveries that will keep Yellowstone at bay.

It is essential to fund SCIENCE!™ so that intelligent Scienticians can come to a consensus that an additional two or three Trillion dollars in federal government deficit spending will keep Yellowstone at bay — For NOW (dun, dun, dunnnn).

If that doesn’t work, I say we launch a pre-emptive strike against Yellowstone and attack before it unleashes it’s fury and rage towards evil conservatives who are Hell bent on gutting Medicare, killing old people, and starving small children. Remember, it’s only okay to harm children before they are born. After they’re born, you’re supposed to frighten them about global warming.

If this budget doesn’t pass, you can forget about your stocked up canned goods and plastic wrap. We’re all doomed, and it will all be the fault of the Tea Party.

But “hope lies eternal” that the Republicans will stop kowtowing to the Tea Party extremists that have been running the party. Disaster may be averted, but only if we can all agree to spend, spend, spend, spend.

Radioactive Liberty is proud re-introduce a long-time friend and past contributor . She was last seen two years ago, almost to the day. The testosterone thick atmosphere around here, is now fairly balanced, with the addition of Elm. We’re hoping this is just the beginning of a long run here.

A Post by Elm

By now, we have all heard of the dangers of Climate Change (Yikes!), and of carbon emissions (Oh noes!), and of the depletion of the Ozone Layer (That’s still happening, right?). But there is a much bigger threat to Earth’s life we must deal with, and that is the rise of carbonic acid in the planet’s oceans.

Carbonic acid is just what it sounds like- that foul element carbon in a liquid disguise!

How did it get into our ocean, you ask? It’s simple. The carbon that YOU put into our atmosphere by participating in careless activities, such as driving to your job, heating your home, and expelling air from your lungs, is absorbed by the planet’s oceans. The carbon dioxide then dissolves and forms carbonic acid!

This natural process has been going on for billions of years, but now that we know about it and that it involves carbon dioxide, we must find a way to stop it.

The repercussions from the rise in acid is devastating to our shelled sea friends. Other studies have found that CO2 in the ocean is actually beneficial, but their studies were not conducted by scientists already convinced of the evils of carbon. So, please just tune them out. The corals, plankton, sea snails, and other sea life are calling for you to help!

You may be saying to yourself, “Is there anything can we can do to stop ocean acidification?” Up until now, the only way humans could combat the acid was to limit CO2 emissions. But, a new system has been discovered to eliminate the carbonic acid altogether. And, yes, even a worthless human being such as yourself can contribute!

Take A Pee For The Sea is a non-profit that has begun a mass urination drive to offset the acidification of the world’s oceans. Since the pH of urine is almost neutral the effects of carbonic acid will be dramatically reduced. Plus urine will replenish the elements in sea water that we humans have plundered.

Unfortunately a small band of industrial terrorists are threatening to undo all of the good work the Take A Pee For The Sea Society has managed to provide. The indo-terrorists are attacking our waterways with six-packs of soda. The illegal pouring of this toxic industrial carbonic acid is proving to be the most damning.

So, please, do your part. Stop the ass-idification acidification of the ocean. Please keep in mind, however, that peeing is fine, but dumping is frowned upon.