Political Humor

This is President Barack Obama. I come to you today on the planet’s best political humor site to bring you this important public service message.

Thanks to a tanking economy, which my administration inherited from President Bush, we have reached unemployment numbers of about 10%. Although this is more than double the unemployment rate during the Bush Administration – For which he was rightfully and roundly criticized – We are determined to continue to set multi-trillion dollar deficits because if we don’t keep hemorrhaging money, we will go bankrupt.

As you know, when you have reached the point of financial crisis, you spend your way back into the green, and that is my administration’s policy for ensuring that as many jobs as possible are created or saved. As part of our “Hope for a Job, Can You Spare Some Change?” initiative, there are many government job opportunities available for highly skilled and motivated self starters.

Many of these jobs are 100% scam free legitimate work from home jobs. Do keep in mind that back in Chicago, the definition of “scam free” is applied a little more liberally than the common definition. So I can only guarantee that I, personally, will not lose any money. Your results may vary.

The Hope for a Job, Can You Spare Some Change? Initiative is on of our crowning achievements in rolling back the clock to a more Socialist time in United States history, when so many Americans looked to the government to pull them from the depths of despair, and provide them with a paycheck.

Some of the top government job postings of our program are as follows. Keep in mind that this is just a partial listing.

PR and Marketing. We’re looking for ambitious self starters who are experienced in presenting to large audiences to assist in raising awareness about our doomsday cult global warming. With global temperatures falling, and one of the coldest summers on record, many citizens of the world are still not aware of the danger of global warming. Job requirements include wearing a sandwich board and raving like a lunatic.

Image Source: The End is Near! Colostomies 2:18

We’re looking for talented shoe-shiners to be the official Vice Presidential shoe shiner. Vice President Biden has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. Now, I’ve told him that this is a dirty habit, and he should try to stop, but he just can’t seem to be able to help himself. The Vice President of the United States of America can’t be making public appearances and meeting important foreign dignitaries with saliva crusted shoes, and that’s where the cushy government job opportunity comes in. Submit your resumes now.

Government IT jobs. We’re looking for knowledgeable skilled beta testers to test out our new Obama Ogle Eyes desktop widget. You may be familiar with the desktop effect that follows your cursor around. Well, we’re currently developing a delightfully fun widget that has big buggly eyes that follow your 16 year old daughter around the room. 16 year old daughter is NOT included. You need to have been punished with a baby girl 16 years ago to test out this one.

On a related note, I’m also looking for a companion to make that “Aah-ugah!” noise you hear in cartoons when an attractive woman passes by. Sarkozy sucks at doing that.

Warning Sign maker needed. I’m a bit clumsy. I have a tendency to stumble through doorways and do other embarassing things in front of world leaders and international cameras.

We can’t have the whole world thinking that the American President is a bumbling idiot. Here are some examples of warning signs we need:

Here’s one letting me know to watch my step.

This one warns that a child could fall into a bucket.

This one warns me not to get my head stuck in a bucket.

White House Plumber needed. I guess we should not have treated Joe the Plumber so poorly. It turns out that when you continually flush trillions of dollars down the toilet, there is a tendency to get some blockages. You wouldn’t believe what happens when you stick the whole economy in there.

Consider the comments section to be your own satirical government jobs board.

Disclaimer: All jobs pay in Obama Novelty Million dollar bills. They’re literally worth the paper they’re printed on. But don’t worry, They’ll be of equal or greater value to actual legal currency soon enough.