Political Humor

Yeah, I know, the House is going to vote today to take the next step toward European Socialism, through Obama Care. But I thought we needed a break. Kind of funny though, here it’s Sunday and they seem to have decided not to use the Slaughter “Demon Pass” Solution. That’s what they said. I heard it.

Somewhere in the White House

Obama: Rahm, put some clothes on and bring in the next House Member.

Emanuel: mumble, mumble…bring ‘em in yourself, you lazy little…

Obama: What’d you say!

Emanuel: Ah… I was saying I can’t find my pants.

Obama: I hate it when that happens. Wrap a towel around your tush and get whoever’s next in here. I’m not sure how long these batteries will last.

Emanuel: Okay, you. Go up, kiss the President’s ring and have a seat.

Congressman: Yeah fine, but stop poking me in the chest. Ah, Mr. President, what a pleasure it is for me to kiss your…

Obama: Hey, watch it. Don’t tongue my jewels. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get slobber out of one of these rings? Just, just… go sit on that hassock and face me. Rahm, kill the lights.

Congressman: Whoa, it’s kind of dark in here. Anyway, Mr President I can’t tell how much of an honor it for me to have a chance to speak to you, one on one like this, about jobs. My state’s unemployment…

Obama: What ever. Listen, let me make this clear, right after all the other stuff, my primary focus is on jobs. I have a Laser-like Focus.

Congressman: What’s… What’s that little red light on my jacket? Do…ah. Is ah, ah Rahm Emanuel pointing a..a weapon at me? Mr. President, you KNOW I’m here for you. There’s no need to…

Obama: ♫ Relax.
♫ Scheme those schemes
♫ Got to hit me
♫ Hit me
♫ Hit me with those laser beams

Congressman: Huh?

Obama: This just reminds me of an old 80′s, Frankie goes to Hollywood song. Stop your worrying, no one’s pointing a weapon at you. What you’re seeing is my Laser-like Focus.

Congressman: Oh. Oh…you had me worried there for a minute. Oh! I get it. You mean you have a laser pointer you’re using as an idiom for your focus.

Emanuel: I think you mean, analogy. Kant’s Critique of Judgment succinctly argues…

Congressman: Figures you’d quote a philosopher with your name. I believe you may call it a metaphor, but never…

Emanuel: Metaphor? If anything, it’s closer to an allegory than a …

Obama: Both of you, knock it off! It’s not any of those words, it’s my Laser-like Focus dammit, and don’t forget it. Now Congressman, you need to see the light. Rahm.

Congressman: What are you doing behind me?

Emanuel: I’m just going to hold your eyes open so you can see the truth, Alex. Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

Congressman: My name’s not Alex… Hey, if you have both hands holding my eyes open, what’s poking me in…

Obama: Rahm.

Emanuel: What? I’ve only got two hands. You can’t expect me to hold the towel too.

Congressman: Ah, Mr. President, please watch were you’re shinning that laser pointer…

Obama: Laser-like Focus! Laser-like Focus!

Congressman: Yes, Mr. President, but please don’t shine it in… OH MY EYES! It burns!

Emanuel: Now you’re going to feel a little prick.

Congressman: I think I already…Ouch! What did you inject me with? I feel…ohooooooo…

Emanuel: I think he’s ready. I’ll turn the lights back on. Now where did I drop that towel?

Obama: To answer you question Congressman, you’ve been drugged and blinded by the light. Man, those 80′s tunes are catchy.

Emanuel: Actually, it was recorded in 1973 by Springsteen…

Obama: Great Freaking Teddy’s Ghost, do you ever shut-up? Holy crap. Where was I? Oh yeah. Congressman, repeat after me. I will vote for anything President Obama wants.

Congressman: I will vote for anything President Obama wants.

Obama: I will support the Democrat Party and ensure my President’s legacy.

Congressman: I will support the Democrat Party and ensure my President’s legacy.

Obama: Rahm. Get him out of here and bring in the next one.

Congressman: Rahm. Get him out of here and bring in the next one.

Usually lowering the price of something by more than 100 percent is a very bad idea. But 3000 percent?

That’s called good governing.

If Obamacare rams its way through Congress employer-based health care will defy the laws of physics or economics or something like that.

“For Americans who get their insurance through the work place-how many people are getting insurance through their jobs right now? Raise your hands.

Alright well, a lot of those folks, your employer it’s estimated would see premiums fall by as much as 3000 percent, which means they could give you a raise.”

Well why the hell didn’t he say that in the first place? This could have saved a lot of us right-wingers some valuable time. To think we could have been able to shoot our guns more often or clutch our bibles with both left and right arms.

Instead, we spent months fighting against this so-called “reform” with our Astroturfing ways.

But I guess we were wrong. According to one of the smartest Presidents ever, a person with an employer-based health care premium would, I guess not pay anything. And the employer would also get a reduction in premiums by 3000 percent. Or maybe the employee does too.

Who the hell knows but according to the Democrats this is sound logic. Maybe we should let them run other things like department stores.

With sales pitches like that who needs enemies?

============================================

Chris Cameron is a writer and beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own blog about everything, Angry Seafood.

Wanted: Rouser seeks Rabble. Radical Right-Wing Instigator looking for like-minded Tea-Baggers, Timothy McVeigh wannabes, and Mob Mentality Nazi sign holders to overthrow current Democrat Congress in 2010 elections, by backing Conservative Candidates. Moderates need not respond.

Les at comments, Radioactive Liberty

Here we go again. FIAR has tried everything in his considerable power to fix the comment issue. Funny how it’s only me. I smell a conspiracy. A big, fat, we’ve been hacked by black helicopter pilots, conspiracy.  No, not black pilots, black helicopters. We’ll keep trying.

New Bill of Rights (Supersedes the Old Bill of Rights. They were kind of dusty and inflexible.)

You have the Right to Remain Silent. If you give up that Right and exercise Free Speech, you can and will be taxed on a progressive scale.

You have the Right to Keep and Bear Arms. If you can’t afford a firearm, one will be provided to you. Low Income Minorities can obtain loaded Saturday Night Specials at One Stop locations where they currently receive welfare checks, free legal aid, no cost abortions, voter registration, clean needles and food stamps. Repealed by Executive Order 16237

You have the Right to Health Care. If you chose not to exercise that Right, you will be subject to fines and imprisonment. While in prison, you will be forced to use better Health Care than available to the general public.

You have the Right to Life. If you are a Fetus, Elderly, or a Burden on Society, you are exempt from this Right.

You have the Right to Liberty. If you… Never mind, you already gave up that Right.

You have a Right to Pursue Happiness. If you are not happy, you will be prescribed medication to ensure your Happiness.

Do you understand these Rights as President Obama wrote them?

The New Bill of Rights are wholly owned by Obama Red Inc, and are subject to change without notice. No guarantee of actual rights are expressed or implied.

Stupid Question of the Day: Miranda Rights

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

Stupid Question: If I’m arrested, don’t remain silent, and then charges are dropped (because of course, I was innocent), have my Miranda Rights been violated, since they didn’t use what I said “against” me “in a court of law”?