Political Humor

Some years ago I knew a couple of guys who would go to this one particular club. They went for two reasons. The first was, the Chippendale dancers. No, they weren’t gay; they were waiting for the show to get out, in one of the smaller bars. My former associates let someone else do all the work. They were vultures, looking for free and easy …pickin’s.

They also went to the club when the male dancers weren’t performing, ‘cause the female ones were. They went for the lap dances.

Men and ah, some of you ladies, if this has got you ready to leave this page and set your Google SafeSearch filter to the Off position, you may be susceptible to the hollow allure of Political Lap Dancing Syndrome.

Hi, I’m Les James, Doctor of Photography and researcher behind an amazing, recent political poll. In an unscientific survey, where I spoke to no one but myself, and I responded (multiple times), there was unanimous agreement, those who let someone else do all the work, and then swoop in for the benefits, and are prone to stuffing unemployment compensation or welfare check dollar bills behind the tiny g-strings of empty promises -in the hope for something more- are most likely liberals, and show definite signs of PLDS.

For those suffering with Political Lap Dancing Syndrome, metaphorically, it’s no different than paying for an expensive date, only to get a peck on the cheek at night’s end. These deluded individuals will then continue to pay increasingly more and more, and court the same people, expecting a better outcome. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Political Lap Dancing Syndrome, metaphorically, it’s no different than paying for an expensive date, only to get a peck on the cheek at night’s end.

Lets’ face facts as I know them, what they think they want looks really titillating on the surface, and it appears to be within easy reach. If they are willing to pay enough of other people’s money, occasionally they may actually gain a little short-lived satisfaction.

The problem is, in the end or other places, they most likely will come away with something really didn’t want and is far too easily spread.

While there is no cure for PLDS, Planned Parenthood promotes abortion as a safe method of preventing propagation to future generations.

Now you may be saying, ‘Les, you ignorant asswhip! You have no idea what you’re talking about and you’re just making shit up like Fox News!’ To which I reply, I know you are, but what am I? That, and my survey techniques and conclusions have as much validity as Election Day exit polling and Climate Change research.

So there.

Only political humor pictures can spread faster than exotic dancers. Spread some of ours far and wide today, they like it.

Change You Can Believe In

Barack Obama here for Obama Motors. While I’ve no experience in manufacturing, sales, management, making payroll, or wiping the shit-eating grin off my face, I’m now in charge of two out of three of American’s largest car makers. We’ll get Ford sooner or later.

This change in managerial direction has not been without it detractors. There’ve been a few wise-ass suggestions from the Radical Right for names for the new cars, but I won the election, so I have a mandate from the people to come up with the names all on my own. Just like I did for our dog, BO -who we rescued from the Kennedy Puppy Mill. All of the female dogs were scheduled to sold to Michael Vick. Vick was planning to fight the dogs himself, in a new reality series, called Vick’s Bitches.

Now, I think that sounds like good, wholesome, culturally sensitive entertainment to me, but the ASPCA says it’s torture. What the hell are they talking about? Waterboarding is torture, and speaking of torture…

Let’s not dwell on the past were the Bush/Cheney Team made life on this planet almost unlivable. I’m willing to skip over the fact that the War in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay almost destroyed not only our credibility as a nation but the entire universe. Let’s be clear, I’ve had to apologize for them since they won’t do it for themselves. I’m not going to lay blame on the bad decisions made by the stupid bastards who left me with this big mess.

Still, I’m here today to tell you about my fabulous line-up of electric cars that are coming out… when we can get enough AA batteries. Until that time we have the Chevy Fairweather. It’s an affordable, recycled paper machete vehicle with a large watch spring for power. Just wind it up and go.

We’re also working on a concept car based upon the visionaries of the Stone Age. Remember The Flintstones? The stone wheels are very eco-friendly and we’re thinking of making the trees from used water and soda bottles. This highly affordable car will have a base price of around $500. With state, federal and local taxes, we envision getting this beauty off the floor, out the door, and you living in it, for just under $30,000. Now that’s a bargain.

Financing an issue? Say you have no job, no cash, no ID and credit score lower than my IQ? No problem. We here at Obama Motors own the banks too. I’ve empowered Chris Dodd and Barney Frank to run the auto finance arm of my administration with the same over-sight they gave Freddie and Fanny. And if you can’t afford the payments, don’t worry, we’ll just tax the rich to pay your bills.

Obama Motors. We Hope you’re going to like this Change.

Please take a few minutes from guzzling beer today to remember all the heros we are honoring on this day.

Today I’m filled with hope because I can see that change is right around the corner. January 20th of 2009 is going to be the turning point in American World history. How do I know this? Because the Clinton’s are back!

Just kidding. Not about the Clinton part, that’s true. It seems Obama’s promised Big Change involves getting the band back together from the Clinton years.  I was being sarcastic about the hope thing. Matter of fact, I’m going to continue to be sarcastic. It keeps me from ranting.

The officially leaked list of Obama’s Cabinet candidates looks like a Who’s Who, Chinese menu of liberal main courses and side dishes.  Very few have been actually offered or accepted a job -officially.  We’re all going to have to wait until Christmas to open that fortune cookie and see all of those who are really (and officially) inside.

Below is a best guess list of supposed Cabinet members, based upon official statements and unofficial conjuncture. There’s nothing like having a transparent government that we can believe in.

While our first black President (who was all white and shouldn’t to be confused with the current President elect who is half white, says he’s black but remember, it’s not about race) will not be rejoining the current administration -in an official capacity- but the author of Hillary Care will. Oh happy days!

While I can’t believe she would take any position (any position that doesn’t involve grabbing the hips from behind anyway) that contains the word Secretary in the title , still Obama is supposed to announce today, that Hillary has accepted the job as Sec. of State. That’s right S.O.S.

The Obama cabinet is shaping-up (read: rumored) to be an all-star ensemble cast that includes such notables as Tom Daschle and Bill Richardson. How’s that for earth shattering, I-can’t-believe-it change?

Richardson, who was the former Energy Sec. and a UN ambassador under Clinton, could be the next Sec. of Commerce. And Daschle? Wasn’t he something insignificant like Senate Majority Leader, before South Dakota kicked him out, and a good friend of Clinton’s? Now it looks like he might be the new Sec. of Health and Human Services.

Bill Clinton should be able to give Tom a few pointers on the Human Services side. I wonder if Daschle enjoys a good cigar? Now there’s a question fraught with innuendo.

Greg Child ring a bell? He’s going to be White House Counsel or maybe Chief of Staff or… He’s the same lawyer that tried to get Bill off during the Lewinsky scandal. I’m not sure how I mean that. Speaking of Monica, isn’t there a slot or something for her? Sorry, I’m really having trouble getting the sentence structure right and my mind out of the Liberal Lane of the Beltway; the gutter.

Child also worked with Albright and Teddy K. But wait there’s more! Remember Elian Gonzalez, the sweet, little Cuban boy who Janet Reno had removed at gunpoint from a relative’s home in Miami? Child was Elian’s father’s lawyer. Now if he would only advise Obama to do the same for all the other illegal aliens.

Then there’s Lawrence Summers, former Treasury Sec. during the Glory Years of 1992-2000, who will now head  the National Economics Council… maybe.  Can you say change?

Bernake and Paulson are jokes, so who are they talking about getting to fill one of those soon to be vacant positions? Well, none other then Little Timmy Geithner, WHO HAS BEEN ADVISING THEM!

Sorry, got a little worked up. It seems that stupidity know no bounds when it comes to political appointments.

Don’t forget the Kerry/Gore question. Even though neither are on the official short list, rumors fly. Which one of them might still get a shot at “saving” the great outdoors as Sec. of the Interior?  You got to admit, that’s a stupid title. I suggest we change it to Sec. of the Backcountry. Much more fitting for either one of them. Yep, S.O.B.

And the list goes on and on and…

Makes you wonder if George Stephanopoulos will be rejoining the team. He’s still on TV, right? He might as well since our conservative satire blog has more fans than his show does.

It doesn’t matter who President Obama picks, one choice will be just about as bad as the next. Which leads me to this:

Hope for change all you want, you stupid ass liberals, duped Republicans and ignorant Independents, ‘cus you got what you asked for. Obama lied right to your faces and you were just too lazy to even open your eyes or unplug your ears.

Change is coming all right. Better hope it’s wearing a rubber.

Always be safe, wear a condom.  Les is wearing one right now. You can find more of his sarcasm at the freak show that is Sideshow Mirrors.

Related Obama Humor around the internet

Politics by Satire explains that Obama is a Republican
America’s Watchtower concludes that Obama will be serving Bush’s 3rd term
Iowahawk reports that the terrorists didn’t get the memo that Obama was elected.