Political Humor

In a previous Simple Solution Les suggested a way to deal with the border problem. I have another and it is something our President suggested….

I know Barack Obama was joking when he said Republicans would not be satisfied unless the US Border was a moat filled with alligators.

But come on that is one hell of an idea.

And what if he wasn’t joking?

Last week, Obama gave the orders to take out Bin Laden. Sure, he hemmed and hawed on the decision for sixteen hours but he did finally say yes.

Then he made fun of his wife in public, advising America not to get in between her and a tamale. But it’s okay, he said because she’s exercising.

(On a side note, no word from the AP on how many nights Obama slept on the couch for that indiscretion.)

Then this: a moat filled with alligators along our southern border.

Maybe he is serious about the idea. And now that he floated the premise we need to fine tune things a bit.

First, we have to have more than just alligators. We need piranha, those eels that swim up people’s penises, and perhaps sharks with laser beams. I’d include the Loch Ness Monster but he was killed by Global Warming.

Second, we can turn border crossing into a contest. Make it across, get a Green Card. We could even televise it as a reality game show.

This is a win-win for everyone. The US gets a secure border, anti-immigration people get their reduction in illegals, pro-immigration people get their path to citizenship for those who do make it across, and the average Joe watching television gets a new Spike TV reality show with a great lead-in from 1,000 Ways to Die.

Earth Day was first celebrated on April 22, 1970, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Lenin. No coincidence of course.

Ira Einhorn a.k.a. the Unicorn Killer was the emcee for the event and was so smitten by the cause he composted a girlfriend he killed rather than simply bury her.

Because we all know that cemeteries are not eco-friendly. And dead people do not create a carbon footprint.

And so a tradition was born.

Every year since then a bunch of eco-crazies, their supporters, and hypnotized followers gather to commiserate over the slow composting death of the planet or something like that.

And they just don’t stick to one day either.

It’s like an Earth Month.

In Indianapolis they were taking hair samples for mercury testing:

When the Sierra Club’s nationwide campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of mercury arrived on Friday, just in time for Earth Day, more than two dozen residents showed up to have their hair tested…

In all, 28 people showed up to have their locks shorn on Friday and shipped off to the University of Georgia Marine Extension Service Laboratory in Brunswick, where researchers will analyze them for the toxic chemical element, one of the many pollutants generated by the country’s coal-burning power plants.

Mercury, which has been found to be especially dangerous for pregnant women and children, is best tested through hair samples because that’s the way the chemical is excreted from the body, Sierra Club spokeswoman Rachele Huennekens said.

Best tested? Rachele apparently failed to do a Google search. From Web MD on the topic of hair testing for elements:

Hair analysis has become more reliable and acceptable over the past 20 years. But there are still issues that raise legal and ethical questions about its use, including possible false positives and different results for people with different hair colors or ethnic backgrounds…

The American Medical Association (AMA) is against the use of hair analysis to make recommendations about the need for medical treatment. The organization states that the use of hair analysis for this purpose is an unproven practice and may lead to health care fraud…

The significance of most of the findings from hair analysis is unclear. It is difficult to interpret a hair analysis for the presence of heavy metals without other testing.

I wonder if the participants were asked if they had CFL light bulbs in their homes? Probably not because the mercury in those things are okay because they were approved by liberals.

If someone has mercury poisoning it had to have come from the coal-fired plant fifty miles away. It can’t be from the ten curly fry mercury-filled light bulbs in their eco-friendly house.

What a bunch of amateurs.

Happy Earth Day, or Month or whatever.

H/T Jammie Wearing Fool for the link to the Einhorn story.

I love the smell of liberal desperation in the morning. And when it comes to climate change they are pulling out all the stops.

Bolivia gave up pushing drugs and now peddles Earth Rights.

UNITED NATIONS — Bolivia will this month table a draft United Nations treaty giving “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans — having just passed a domestic law that does the same for bugs, trees and all other natural things in the South American country…

…That document speaks of the country’s natural resources as “blessings,” and grants the Earth a series of specific rights that include rights to life, water and clean air; the right to repair livelihoods affected by human activities; and the right to be free from pollution.

Is Raid banned?

Do I get arrested for murder if I accidentally run over a squirrel that ran out in front of my car?

If someone is breaking a lot of wind will they have to pay a methane discharge fee?

And if I step on grass am I trampling on my lawn’s right to exist and be free from the soles of human intervention?

Oh it gets better…

It also establishes a Ministry of Mother Earth, and provides the planet with an ombudsman whose job is to hear nature’s complaints as voiced by activist and other groups, including the state.

There is no truth to the rumor Al Gore already submitted his application.

I’m kind of disappointed they did not call it the Ministry of Gaia or perhaps Silly Walks.

h/t Heritage Blog.