Political Humor

The Tea Party is racist. The unbiased staff at NPR said it, so it must be true.

If you believe in limited government, you’re just a racist. If you think the government is bloated, and overstepping it’s boundaries, you just hate Obama because he’s half white. If you think the Federal Government needs to reign in spending and be fiscally solvent, you’re judging Vice President Biden by the color of his skin and not the absence of his character.

If you believe in personal liberty, and the independence of the individual to be free from government tyranny, then you only hate Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton because your bigoted against the transgendered.

I do diverge from my fellow conservatives on the issue of abortion, though. I think any measure that allows Liberals to volunteer to prevent themselves from procreating is a good thing. I fully support a woman’s right to choose to exterminate future generations of her culture. Why is it that changing the words after “right to choose” makes me a sociopath?

Those of us on the Right are being accused of wanting to kill off Aurthur, and the rest of the PBS children’s show characters, and I have about had it with these accusations. I don’t know of one single Right-winger that has the cojones to personally put a gun to Elmo’s head and pull the trigger to snuff out the little shit.

Oh, but think of the poor children – - I mean, the one’s that weren’t aborted. Whatever will they watch, other than Handy Manny, Dora the Explorer, and a jizzillion other kids shows on dozens of networks on cable tv? Poor Bert and Ernie, they’ll be relegated to obscurity on cable TV.

I always said, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” I only have one speed. I only have one gear. Go.

Looks like it’s up to me to put Aurthur out of his misery. I heard Aardvark is delicious too. That’s how conservatives roll. We eat what we kill.

That reminds me, people have been raving about my burgers and want my secret recipe. No, you cannot have my secret recipe. No, the secret ingredient is not Aarvark. I will never tell what my secret is. [Note to self: Stop by the abortion clinic on the way home. Burgers on the grill tonight.]

Just admit it, Teabaggers. You only hate President Obama because he’s gay.

Perhaps you have heard of the Global Warming SuperHeroes, the website that spews the same AGW beliefs as the rest of those on the left. But they do it with a cutesy premise of comic book characters.

First off, I am disappointed in Gaia Girl. Usually the female super heroes show more cleavage. And what’s up with Flash Carbon? His package is aimed at GG and he’s winking at us. Are we to imply he scored?

I suspect the logo is not what it appears to be. Les can you help me out here?

Les: How’s that?

Oooh nice. It is missing something though.

Les: How about now? Gore looks like ten pounds of carbon stuffed into a 5 pound sack.

Indeed. That is perfect and the EPA acronym is fitting.

Look out world, here come the Global Warming SuperZeroes! The future of humanity depends on them?

So protesters in the U.K., angry over college tuition rate hikes attacked Prince Charles the other day.

British officials defended the country’s security establishment Friday after rampaging student protesters attacked a car carrying the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall.

The chief of the Metropolitan Police pledged to launch a full and detailed investigation into the incident, which saw protesters set upon the heir to the throne’s Rolls Royce as it drove through London’s busy West End Thursday night. A group of up to 20 protesters, some chanting “off with their heads!” smashed a rear window and splashed white paint on the vehicle. Charles and Camilla were visibly shaken, but unharmed.

In light of this incident I think the U.K. should not raise college tuition, and instead keep it as cheap as possible. Why?

Prince Charles is not a smart target for a protest.

Not only does he have zero clout with the British government but he’s not even the top dog of the monarchy. He means nothing in trying to sway government opinion.

It’s like egging the dog catcher’s house because you are pissed about the way the mayor is handling the budget.

Obviously these protesters are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. They clearly need more education.

And they are ungrateful too.

Do they not realize that without Prince Charles they would not be aware that humans have 96 months to live? (That was July 2009. We only have 79 more at this point.)

Do they not understand that without the Prince they would forget how boring Monarchs really are?

And there would be no spaghetti night every Wednesday either.

So yeah U.K. you need to re-think this idea of raising the price of going to college. You can’t afford another generation of stupid people.