Political Humor

The Obama administration is twisting itself into contortions to justify the killing of Osama bin Laden in order to deflect criticism from the fact that we are not supposed to engage in state sanctioned assassinations. The UN, ever the useless organization of anti-freedom and terrorist support has questioned the legality of the bin Laden Killing.

Although there are some who might want to get into hysterical hyperventilating about war crimes for Lord Obama, or the Navy Seals involved in the mission, it was indeed necessary to kill OBL, and not merely say, “No! Bad Obama. Bad!” And smack him on the nose with a newspaper. Although, some might even protest smacking him on the nose with a newspaper, because it is mildly violent.

For those ninnies, here is an explanation and justification for killing the Devil.

He was heard to have said “Go go gadget AK-47″ as the Navy Seals made their entrance into his home. The Seals could not take the risk that he was – in fact – Inspector Gadget. If he was, he could have made an easy get-away… Unless he was drunk.

But I hear he was only a little stoned.

If the the Republicans don’t cave in to the demands of Democrats on the Budget, the government will shut down. The Democrats would like you to believe that if there is a government shutdown, then poor school children will be forced to kill and cook their grandparents for food — and to save their grandparents the indignity of being a further burden to ObamaCare.

This is a lie. What is far more insidious about the potential for a government shutdown is that the National Parks will be forced to shut down. You may think it’s no big deal for our national parks to be unfunded, but that is horribly incorrect.

The truth is far more terrifying that any Lord of the Flies style dystopia that could be conjured up by overactive imaginations and generally condescending views of people as perpetual helpless victims of Tea Party brutality.

Yes. The TRUTH is that if the government shuts down, a natural disaster of Biblical proportions would occur. Many people are not aware that Yellowstone is a supervolcano, and if it blows, it will make every disaster – man made and natural combined – look like nothing by comparison.

The Earth will be shrouded in darkness and enveloped by ash. The Global Warming Hoax will be declared officially dead as, according to Open University Vulcanologist Professor Stephen Self:

“An area the size of North America can be devastated and pronounced deterioration of global climate would be expected for a few years following the eruption,” Professor Self explained. “They could result in the devastation of world agriculture, severe disruption of food supplies and mass starvation. These effects could be sufficiently severe to threaten the fabric of civilisation.”

Acid rain will pour down from the sky, poisoning the water supply with over 2000 million tons of sulfuric acid being spewed forth from an exploding, and unfunded Yellowstone. Worse yet,

“Fema had no contingency plans for a disaster on this scale. The largest disaster they ever had to deal with was 9/11 and that stretched their resources to the limit,”

Even if they did, THEY WOULDN’T BE FUNDED!

It gets worse still. According to MoveOn.Org “Republican budget cuts to the Department of Energy’s Office of Science could kill.” Indeed it will, as SCIENCE!™ is the only hope humanity has to avert this global natural disaster, and Republicans want to defund the very scientific discoveries that will keep Yellowstone at bay.

It is essential to fund SCIENCE!™ so that intelligent Scienticians can come to a consensus that an additional two or three Trillion dollars in federal government deficit spending will keep Yellowstone at bay — For NOW (dun, dun, dunnnn).

If that doesn’t work, I say we launch a pre-emptive strike against Yellowstone and attack before it unleashes it’s fury and rage towards evil conservatives who are Hell bent on gutting Medicare, killing old people, and starving small children. Remember, it’s only okay to harm children before they are born. After they’re born, you’re supposed to frighten them about global warming.

If this budget doesn’t pass, you can forget about your stocked up canned goods and plastic wrap. We’re all doomed, and it will all be the fault of the Tea Party.

But “hope lies eternal” that the Republicans will stop kowtowing to the Tea Party extremists that have been running the party. Disaster may be averted, but only if we can all agree to spend, spend, spend, spend.

Coming this fall……an epic new disaster movie so scary you will literally be crapping your pants in the theater…

An iceberg so large and destructive it threatens the existence of mankind…

A film so outlandish Time Magazine calls it: “outlandishly outlandish”…

Based on the true-life, over-hyped story by the media, Attack of The Iceberg pits man against a broken-off piece of a glacier in Greenland that threatens to possibly move very, very slowly towards shipping lanes.

Ed Markey stars as Phyllis Mayton, a cross-dressing transgender who tries to convince a skeptical world of dire implications…

“An iceberg four times the size of Manhattan has broken off Greenland, creating plenty of room for deniers to start their own country…”

Cookie the Polar Bear stars as Snowflake, the dis-enchanted gansta from the hood looking to prevent anyone from getting near the iceberg, which he considers his territory.

The Rebel Alliance from Star Wars star as themselves, a rag-tag group of dissenters hoping to stop the iceberg from killing the world.

Attack of the Iceberg…coming to theaters this Fall.

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Chris Cameron is a columnist for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own political humor/commentary blog Trees Hate Hugs as well as Angry Seafood, a politics-free humor blog.