Political Humor

Fox: Welcome to Are You Smarter Than A Democrat? I’m your host Fox Worthy. Tonight we have Mrs. Gretta Jones from Phoenix, Arizona. Gretta is a housewife and mother of three, who was never interested in politics until this past year. She credits her next door neighbor with turning her on to Glenn Beck. Gretta is now a registered Independent and attends Tea Parties.

She’ll be playing against this week’s Unknown Democrat Senator. As usual -to conceal their identity- the Senator will have his or hers voice run through a filter and will wear an empty money bag over the head. The symbolism of which is always lost on them. So let’s get started and find out… Gretta, Are You Smarter Than A Democrat? The Senator won the coin toss, so…

Senator: I’ll take 5^th Grade Math for $100, Alex. And let’s make it a true Daily Double.

Fox: Ah, Senator, you do realize this isn’t Jeopardy, right?

Senator: Why yes I do, and that’s my final answer.

Fox: Okay then… 5^th Grade Math it is. Senator, how many zeros are there in One Trillion?

Senator: I never learned that in 5^th Grade, it’s a trick question.

Fox: It’s not a trick. As difficult as it is to believe, there is such a number as One Trillion.

Senator: I’m telling you, there’s no such thing as a Trillion. It’s just made up. That’s why we always keep our estimates of the cost of any program just below that imaginary figure.

Fox: Is that your answer?

Senator: No. No, ah… my answer is…is… it doesn’t matter, zeros are just place holders. So…er…mmm… they don’t actually represent real money.

Fox: Oh, so sorry Senator. Gretta what’s your answer?

Gretta: Too frikkin’ many!

Fox: Yup, you’re right, too frikkin’ many. Senator, your next question is about illegal immigration. How many illegal immigrants are there in the United States?

Senator: African or European? Except the Africans. And certainly you’re not asking about those hard working Latinos, who are doing the jobs Americans won’t do? That would make you a racist.

Fox: I see where this is heading, and Homey don’t play dat. Gretta?

Gretta: Too frikking many!

Fox: Correct again. Gretta, it’s pretty obvious you’re smarter than the Senator, so let’s just pass ‘em over and give you a crack at the next…

Senator: What? Are you trying to vote me off the island? I won’t stand for it. Circle gets the Square. I wanna to use a Street Shout-out. What is, the migratory patterns of farm animals. I didn’t want to turn into a Family Feud. Sometimes things just happen. I thought she was over 18. It was consensual, I tell you…

Fox: Wow. Looks like the Senator has Spun the Wheel, and like the country, has come up bankrupt. Gretta are you ready to risk it all and go for the win?

Gretta: Darn straight. Let’s do this.

Fox: I love your attitude. Okay, it’s a two part question. First, tell me how many Democrats and RINOs are holding public offices, and second, what if anything, are you going to do about ‘em?

Gretta: Too frikkin’ many, and vote those SOBs right out!

Fox: Ah… I’m so sorry but you’re… RIGHT! Congratulations. Now there’s just one thing left to do. Look right in the camera. Now Gretta, what do you want to say to America?

Gretta: My name is Gretta Jones. I may just be a housewife and mother of three from the suburbs, but I Am Smarter Than A Democrat!

Fox: From all of us here, goodnight everybody, and may all your tea be sweet.

Credits

Fox Worthy – Himself

Gretta Jones – Herself

Unknown Dem Sen – Arlen (act like a lady) Specter

This has been a Filmways Presentation, Dahling

If Janeane Garofalo says you’re a redneck, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone to a park and didn’t hug a tree, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think that abortion is a better form of contraception than a condom, you might be a terrorist.

If Paul Begala believes you’re a wimpy, whiny, weasel, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever served your country as a member of the armed forces, you might be a terrorist.

If you’re a guy and have never tea bagged another guy or visa versa, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that 535 lobotomized, white lab rats would have a better grasp on reality than Congress, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever gone into the woods to drink a couple of beers and plink some cans, you might be a terrorist.

If you’ve ever been in a church that didn’t slam America, and it wasn’t because either someone was getting married or died, you might be a terrorist.

If you think Bill Ayers is a terrorist, you might be a terrorist.

If you agree with Robert Frost that good fences make good neighbors, you might be a terrorist.

If you have a four-wheel drive truck parked on your front lawn, you might be a terrorist.

If you think that burning an American flag somehow doesn’t contribute to global warming, you’re just a totally screwed-up moonbat. Oops, how’d that get in there?

If you think government, like spandex clothing, should not come in XXL, you might be a terrorist.

If you don’t think Obama can walk on water while simultaneously reading Open Veins Of Latin America, you might be a terrorist.

If you know your ass from a hole in the ground, no doubt about it, you are a terrorist.

Now it’s your turn.  Just fill in the blank with your own funny phrase: If _______________, you might be a terrorist.

I think Jeff Foxworthy would approve.