Political Humor

This week’s edition of Political Humor Quick Hits is about Midgets and Joe Biden…

Saying “Midget” No Longer a Diminutive Mistake

Apparently there is a movement, a small one mind you by the Little People of America to get the FCC to ban the word “midget” when referring to very, very short people.

You know, on television, also referred to as the small screen:

“The word ‘midget’ objectifies you,” said Clinton Brown, 27, of Hicksville, who co-chaired this year’s conference at the Brooklyn Bridge Marriott in Downtown Brooklyn. “Growing up as a little person, because you’re different, you experience the ups and downs of some cruelties and prejudices. How many times have people I don’t know come up to me and wanted to pick me up?”

Well they are pretty cute after all.

Ironically, the best way to find the story is to Google News the term “midget”. The movement is clearly not starting off well.

I won’t keep going as I know this topic always has a short attention span.

Joe Biden Needs to Speak Out More Often for Comedy’s Sake

Obama can’t even let his Vice President out on the Fourth of July weekend, a historically slow time for news coverage. As usual Joe Biden gave an interview for ABC’s “This Week” that was as coherent as the plot twists in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End:

Vice President Joe Biden signaled that the Obama administration would not stand in the way if Israel chose to attack Iran’s nuclear facilities, even as the top U.S. military officer said any attack on Iran would be destabilizing.

What a fresh change from the Bush administration, which kept Israel from attacking Iran. Shhh don’t tell the liberals that though. Their Kool-Aid is too powerful.

Then in the same interview he gave us hope for the economy:

“We misread how bad the economy was, but we are now only about 120 days into the recovery package,” Biden added. More jobs will be created in coming months, he said.

Usually when someone says something like “more jobs” that implies there were actual jobs created in the first place. Then again, maybe Joe is setting the bar much lower after the initial misread.

If two jobs are added to zero jobs that is twice as many jobs! You could even spin it as a 200% job recovery. See what I did there?

My personal take-away from the interview was this Biden-ism on economic recovery:

“The pace of the ball is now going to increase.”

Great, now our Vice President is making up new sports cliches. Like we do not have enough of them already.

At least Biden did not say that the the administration needed to circle the wagons or that they have to get into their offensive rhythm because that would have been awkward.

Besides, nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Not even Obama and Biden.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

Independence day weekend is rapidly approaching, and that means that the 2009 summer blockbuster movie season is upon us. As a brief respite from our usual political humor, I offer you this preview of some of this summer’s most eagerly anticipated movies.

Dumb and Dumber

Obama and Biden are two lovable and friendly, but very stupid friends, who struggle with every aspect of life. Obama is the President of the United States. Biden is his more experienced, but equally stupid sidekick and Vice President. Watch the two bumble their way through the misadventures of running the United States government in this hilarious comedy, destined to be a classic (Hilarity may not applicable to United States citizens). Comedy. Opens July 3.

Ice Age: Return of the Dinosaurs
After the events of “Ice Age: The Meltdown”, life begins to change for Manny and his friends: Fossil fuels still exist, but they have been cap and traded to developing nations. Manny and his friends struggle to make ends meet as a new ice age erupts in the face of hysteria over global warming. Animated Comedy. Opens July 3.

The World According to Gore

Al Gore is Gore. He’s got a funny way of looking at life. Opens July 10.

Obama Brasco
Barack Obama goes undercover inside a radical Islamic extremist terrorist cell. A low level flunkie in the terror cell befriends Obama, and soon Obama is one of the most trusted members of the group. However, a moral dilemma confronts Obama when a mole is suspected and he realizes that ending the undercover operation will put his friend at risk. Based on a true story. Drama. Opens July 10.

National Lampoons Iranian Vacation
Iran has a long and storied history, dating back to the very beginning of human civilization… Until the Obama family pays a visit for their summer vacation. Obama has trouble speaking English when there is a teleprompter in front of him. Without a teleprompter or a translator, there’s sure to be one zany disaster after another in the cradle of civilization. Comedy. Opens July 17.

They Call Me Senator Boxer

With the right kickbacks, anyone can buy a title. Drama. Opens July 17.

Air Force One
The President of the United States is on a mission to secure public relations photos for Air Force One when the plane sweeps in on a near miss of the Statue of Liberty, sending New Yorkers into a terrified panic. Action. Opens July 17.

The Crying Game

When a Supreme Court Justice appointment unexpectedly opens, President Obama appoints Sonia Sotomayor to the position. However there are some things that even Obama doesn’t know about Sotomayor. (Same surprise ending). Political Thriller. Opens July 24.

Snakes on a Plane

Hair raising thriller featuring Nancy Pelosi… On a plane. Action and Adventure. Opens July 24.

Please submit your own summer movie previews in the comments section.

Concept by Fiar, Movie Posters by Les James.

This week’s Political Humor Quick Hits is about shovels, jobs, and crooked gay people…

The Shovel Industry Will Save The Economy

Joe Biden came up with a funny idea for saving the economy on the government’s new humor website, The Recovery Act:

“We’re gonna get more dollars in the hands of people, are going to be turning shovels in the ground.”

Joe might not know a thing about history but the son of a bitch knows economic recovery.

Shovels!

This will be huge. Pretty soon, shovel factories will open up all across America. Steel mills will reopen to provide raw materials. Lowes and Home Depot will teach classes on proper hole-making. Brigades of shovelers will go from community to community digging up the ground.

I even had to create a new word, “shovelers” just to describe all this economic recovery.

The United States of America will be shovel-ready in 100 days. Obama promised.

Still Trying to Find Those 150,000 Jobs

They must be around here somewhere right?

The economy has shed 1.6 million jobs since the stimulus measure was signed in February, far overshadowing White House announcements estimating the effort has saved 150,000 jobs.

Can you picture Obama and Biden being told the jobs are hidden somewhere in the White House? One of them is looking under the rugs, another under the couches.

Perhaps they should check the bucket.

Calling Yourself Straight Means Calling Gay People Crooked

In Vermont they just wrapped up a high school student social gender identity program or something stupid like that.

One student had this cognitive analysis:

“I’m straight, but I don’t like using that word because then it feels like if you’re gay then you’re crooked, you’re not meant to grow up in a certain way,” Sophia Manzi, 15, a Burlington high school freshman, said during this year’s final “Gendertopia” meeting.

I wonder what hippie message board she got that line from.

But it isn’t about sexuality, according to Christopher Neff, the executive director of Outreach Vermont and group running Genderpalooza:

“We’re really clear that gender and gender identify is separate from sexual orientation,” Neff said. “Hugh Grant and Russell Crowe have the same sex, they’re both male and they’re both heterosexual. But they have very different gender presentations. One is sort of seen as much more masculine than the other.”

Yeah one guy fights people and trashes hotel lobby telephones. The other can’t marry a woman fast enough before he’s fooling around with another one.

I guess I could see why Neff prefaced the concept with “sort of“, especially when talking about people who pretend to be other people for a living.

Bonus points for saying it is not about sexuality then using it in the analogy.

There is no truth to the rumor however that Richard Simmons was scheduled to speak at Genderblenderfestaloozatopia.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a weekly commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday. You can also read his other weekly column here every week as well as his humor blog Angry Seafood.