Political Humor

What’s the State of the Union?

Pretty much everything we’ve expected has happened so far in the Presidential elections. We are down to the two we figured would be there on each side, and once again we had an early leader’s popularity drop faster than the hype for the new Batman movie.

Today is the anniversary of the execution of Guy Fawkes, and the day after the last Republican debate before Super Tuesday. So what a perfect time it would be for Ron Paul to announce he’s dropping out of the race. I don’t think it will happen because he has the funding to hang around as long as he wants. He’s obviously buying his way into the debates.

Why the hell are people dropping out anyway? There are still like a gazillion delegates at stake. I hope John Edwards and Rudy Guiliani are not reacting to the polls because we know how accurate the polls have been so far.

What the hell happened to Guliani? He went from the leader to the recipient of the fabulous home version of the election contest quicker than Amy Winehouse ruined her career. This is what happens when you throw your hat into the ring but don’t actually run for office. At least he left with his dignity unlike another politician in 2004.

Death by Super Bowl

Howard Dean is obviously excited by the fact that the Super Bowl is this weekend, but did you know it can give you a heart attack? That’s right. According to the Chicago Tribune, being a die-hard sports fan can be hazardous to your health. Personally, I think they polled the heavy gamblers.

Speaking of gambling, it was nice to see the World Economic Forum not address ways to help make the US economy’s downturn a soft landing for the rest of the world. Instead they asked YouTubers for suggestions. Great move there.

Bonehead Bono and Jerkoff Chertoff

Bono was one of the celebrities who weighed in on the issue and opened with this line: “Hi my name is Bono and I’m a rock star sort of” while simultaneously giving a humbling facial gesture. Come frigging on! We know who the hell you are, and acting that way is just that. An act.

But the winner was Michael Chertoff who had his rose-colored glasses on with his reply: “if you use common sense to these problems you can solve them without violence.” He was referring to Islamic extremists affecting world trade.

Chris Cameron is a weekly guest writer for Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. Visit Humor by Angry Seafood for more of his odd and usually-funny writing.

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Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty presents an exclusive interview with John Edwards following his announcement that he is quitting the 2008 Presidential Election race. Before we get to the interview, I would like to thank John Edwards for his time.

Now that you’ve decided to quit the race, what do you plan to do with your glitteriest evening gown?

It’s ruined! Everything is ruined! I’ll never be the princess of the ball. On the other hand, 2012 is only four years away.

But will you still fit in the gown by then? Will it still be stylish?

I’m confident that I can maintain my girlish figure. Sequins and rhinestones will never be out of style.

What is the secret behind your shiny hair?

If I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret.

Would you have to kill me if you told me?

Yes, but I could always channel your spirit in a wrongful death lawsuit.

What are your plans for the future?

I’ve been asked to team up with Paris Hilton for The Simple Life: Two Americas. She’ll play a child of privilege, and I’ll play a stay at home mom, struggling to make ends meet. Obviously it’s based on our real lives. That’s why they call it reality television.

Of the remaining candidates, who will you endorse?

If there were any female candidates remaining, I would endorse here. We girls have to stick together.

What about Hilary Clinton?

*Cough* notawoman *cough*

It’s been said that you now join the ranks of Presidential Candidate failures, such as Dennis Kucinich, Fred Thompson, Mike Huckabee, and Ron Paul. In the interest of full disclosure, I said it. Just now. How do you respond?

*Sobbing* It’s true. I’m always a bridesmaid and never the bride.

Oh, no John Edwards, don’t cry.

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you.

Uh, no. I wouldn’t. Perhaps you should go the the little girls room and freshen up. Thanks again for your time. Sorry I made you cry.

I may be able to persuade John Edwards to answer a few more questions. Ask them in the comments.

Humor-Blogs.com has shiny hair.

Image source: Imao John Edwards fabulous facts

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John Edwards has announced that he is quitting the 2008 race for President.

Democrat John Edwards is exiting the presidential race Wednesday, ending a scrappy underdog bid in which he steered his rivals toward progressive ideals while grappling with family hardship that roused voters’ sympathies, The Associated Press has learned..

One source within the Edwards campaign noted, “It’s a terrible day for shiny hair.” Indeed, where will the shiny hair contingent of the Democratic party go? Edwards has delegate votes that can now be cast for any of the remaining candidates.

Two things are certain, the Clinton campaign will continue to attack Barack Obama for his lack of white skin, and Ron Paul will continue to be insignificant.

Be sure to check out our Exclusive Interview with John Edwards

Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty