Political Humor

Fairy Tales Can Come True

Gather ‘round your Uncle Les. It’s story time again. Today I’d like to share with you a tale of what happens when nice, plant eating animals get pushed too far.

Once upon a time in place called The Good Old Days, the elephants and the donkeys lived in a beautiful, green pasture. There was fine grazing for as far as the eye could see. They didn’t always get along but at least they were civil toward each other. Most would say that life was pretty good.

Sharing the pasture with them was a very large herd of cows. The elephants guarded the borders of the pasture and the donkeys took to looking after the welfare of those cows in need. All they asked in return was to be allowed to have a little of the cows’ milk for themselves.

As time went on the donkeys got fat and greedy. Some would say thirsty and lustful. They decided that even though there was more than enough milk to go around for everyone, that they wanted a larger share for themselves. The elephants said that they wouldn’t go along with such a plan, but there were more donkeys than elephants and so they lost that argument.

As the years passed, the donkeys and the elephants found that they had less and less in common and argued more and more. Finally an old, rogue bull elephant came along and said the he could work with the donkeys. Compromise, he said was the way to do that.

Many of the elephants listened to him and they did compromise with the donkeys but the donkeys would not grant concessions to the elephants. The elephants thought they could, someday, persuade the donkeys to find a middle ground with them so they went along. All too soon, it became hard to tell the donkeys from the elephants by their actions alone.

The donkeys, along with a growing number of elephants, kept grabbing up increasing amounts of the milk and mandating that it be given to cows that snicked in from other pastures where the grass wasn’t as green or to those who demanded that the donkeys give them the milk of their neighbors.

A lot of cows began to get just a little upset by this. They saw their supply of the life giving milk dwindle each year. There was less and less of it to feed their own young. But each year the donkeys, and now the most of elephants, demanded more and more of it.

The old, battle scarred, rogue elephant spoke out and said that he thought he should be the leader of not only the elephants but the donkeys and cows too because he had lots of experience in dealing with donkeys. Just then a young, brash donkey strutted forward to challenge him. He was clean and articulate and had a nice donkey smile. A lot of the cows liked him and said that he should be their leader.

Many other cows wanted the old bull to be in charge but cows are not very bright and they let the young, inexperienced donkey lead them. Besides he promised a new shiny water trough on every acre, even though a wonderfully delicious stream ran through the pasture. And it would only cost them more of their childrens’ milk, which was in very short supply.

In the end the young, inexperienced donkey could not make good on his promise for the water troughs, nor any other of his promises except that it would cost the cows more of the now precious milk. This he did take and then took more.

The large herd finally got tired of being over-milked by the all of the donkeys and most of the elephants. Even lackadaisical bovines can get angry when pushed too far. And they did.

The cows stampeded and many of the elephants who saw what was coming, joined the herd and stampeded with them, but not all. Even a couple of the donkeys had the good sense to enter the fray on the side of the marauding cows.

The rest of the stubborn donkeys and their elephant friends, stood still in the path of their pending destruction, all but oblivious in their arrogance, and talked amongst themselves about whether to take more of the milk. The young, brash donkey leader -paying a little more attention but not much- stood in front of all of them and said of the oncoming surge (which he knew would never succeed), that he would talk to them and this would solve everything. For his mere words were all he needed and pretty much all he ever had.

When the dust settled there was nothing left of the stubborn donkeys and those equally pig headed elephants. They had been reduced to just so much dust blowing in the wind. The old bull elephant -having no one left to compromise with- wandered out into the desert and was never heard from again.

The cows went back to their business of grazing and chewing their cud and the grass in the pasture grew tall and lush. The sun shone and the birds chirped and there was more than enough for everyone. The cows swore never to let a donkey be leader again, but cows have such short memories. The End.

Now that was a nice story with a happy ending wasn’t it? But there’s one little bit left to be told. This story has a moral and that moral is, don’t be dumb ass.

Be a smart ass and get more parody, satire and humor at Sideshow Mirrors, where Les shows his on a regular basis.

Obama as an ass picture by Dreamworks

One of the criticisms I keep hearing about Sarah Palin and Barack Obama is that they lack experience, and I agree that this is a quality that simply cannot be overlooked in political campaigns. Especially when we are talking about the Leader of the Free World.

For example, President George W. Bush has about 7 and a half years of experience, and his Presidential capabilities have never been more finely honed. He’s never performed with such deft precision and efficiency. In fact, I think we can all agree that the country is now running smoother than Joe Biden’s head before hair plugs.

Not a single economic functification to be found.

We can also look to the Bush Presidency for another example. I remember after the shock of 9/11 wore off, the public outcry that if only the President had more experience, it never would have happened. If only Clinton had been able to serve a third term, it could have all been prevented. Speaking of Clinton, his second term was simply phenomenal.

I think back to my days in school, studying history, and how our teacher explained that if only Hitler had been more experienced, and Truman less experienced, we would all be speaking German now. Fortunately, Hitler had very little experience conquering countries and Truman had 82 days of Vice Presidential experience before taking the helm.

Since experience trumps policy positions, leadership skills, charisma, and virtually any other quality that some less intelligent folks base their vote upon, I suggest switching up the ticket. One one hand we will have McCain-Biden. Neither have any experience doing anything in the executive branch, but they have plenty of experience driving this country into the ground, and negotiating earmarks to persuade them to vote for horribly craptastic and extravagant bills.

On the other side, we will have Obama-Palin. One plus is that we won’t have to hear the stupid fear mongering of sycophantic Obamorons regurgitating “One heartbeat away from the Presidency. Squawk! One heartbeat away from the Presidency. One heartbeat away from the Presidency. Squawk!”

It will be the right wing nuts uttering the phrase and mumbling something or other about Vince Foster. As a double bonus, all we need to do is take away the teleprompter and hilarity will ensue as both of them struggle, like a retard punching his way out of a wet paper bag, to form a sentence that is even semi-coherent. Triple bonus, VP Sarah Palin is hot.

In fact, I’ve come up with some political advertising for these fip flopped campaigns.

McCain-Biden Political Advertising

Obama-Palin Political Advertising

I for one would look forward to seeing whether we would end up with a messianic black man, and his hot female running mate in the White House, or two old bald white men. That would be so cliché.

Come to think of it, since experience is so critical to political campaigns, maybe we should just give Bush a third term.

Barack Obama is ready to lead all 58 states out of the current financial crisis. With John McCain vowing to suspend his campaign until a bailout bill, an unidentified reporter asked Obama:

“Do you plan on attending the debate Friday? And is Senator McCain playing politics with this by saying he would not go to the debate?”

Anxious to take the nation’s top position for the next 8-10 years, Obama responded:

It’s my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who in approximately 40 days will be responsible for dealing with this mess. And I think that it is, uh, it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once.

He was then asked if he would stay on the campaign trail or head back to Washington DC to vote “present” on the bill. Obama geared up into superhuman superhero mode and replied:

If I can be helpful, then I am prepared to be anywhere, any time. If you need us, if I can be helpful, I am prepared to be there at any point. Presidents are going to have to deal with more than one thing at a time. Uh, it’s not necessary for us to think that, uh, we can only do one thing, uh, and suspend everything else.

Barack Obama can do more than one thing at a time

• He can send an email telling reporters the number of houses he owns.
• He can lift his arms above his head while reading from a teleprompter.
• He can assume the Presidency on election day while suspending the US Constitution… From his ears!
• He can protect women from being punished with a baby while putting lipstick on a pig.
• He can save the country from financial crisis while denying knowledge of his America hating, race baiting, terrorist friends.

Is there anything Barack Obama can’t do?

Other than speak coherently without the support of a teleprompter.

Video Link

What other amazing things can Super Obama do simultaneously?

Original image credit Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C. by Phillip Ritz This conservative political humor has been brought to you by Radioactive Liberty.