Political Humor

So it is too late for us to ask for a new republican candidate. But if Hillary Clinton can hang around with her chances hinging on some kind of ‘unfortunate accident’ happening to Obama, why can’t we have alternatives to John McCain?

Or should I say McCainatives.

M.C. Hammer

Okay, technically he isn’t a Mc but he belongs here. He could help poor people. One pair of his old Hammertime pants could cloth a family of four. Foreign policy? Dude, he has toured around the world from London to the Bay. I don’t know which bay that is but a lot of countries have them.

President Hammer…Can’t Touch This

Vince McMahon

He’s built the WWE into a huge billion-dollar enterprise. Imagine what he could do as President. Issues could be settled in the ring, like say the Iron Sheik comes back to fight John Cena. If The Sheik loses, Iran can’t build nukes. This would work out until the inevitable day Steve Austin drives onto the White House lawn in a monster truck calling Vince out while asking tourists for a “Hell Yah!”

Ronald McDonald

This one is tough. On the one hand clowns are funny, but on the other hand they scare small children. Thankfully, kids don’t vote. Well not yet but you never know with the liberals in charge of everything these days. Once they pass minor voting laws old Ronald is off the list.

John McClane

A President able to address the terrorist problem single-handedly is someone we could use. He could go into a place where there are insurgents, yell out “Yippie-kay-yay!” and the bodies would hit the floor in methodical fashion.

On a side note I’d love to see a movie where they teamed up Bruce Willis’ character with Chuck Norris’ Col. James Braddock. That would freaking rule. Maybe Braddock could be Vice President?

Doug and Bob McKenzie

What list of McCainatives would be complete without the Canadian brothers that love their beer. I think it goes without saying there will not be a return to the days of Prohibition on their watch. And if anyone gives us crap we can just tell them to take off eh! I know, there is that rule about being born here, but we were ready to repeal that law for the Terminator and he turned into a liberal.

Duncan MacCloud

Of the MacCloud clan.

This is a tricky McCandidate choice. There is no age factor because a Highlander lives forever but he would only be able to serve two terms. Or wait a hundred years and run under a different name or something.

And could the Secret Service deal with all these opposing Highlanders trying to chop MacCloud’s head off? Or what if another Highlander became the leader of a country like Iran or North Korea? That could be interesting.

So don’t tell me the Republican race is over. Not when there are still some great McChoices better then McCain.

Humor-blogs.com is a better McCainative for President then John McCain.

Chris Cameron writes this insane drivel every Thursday here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and strange brand of humor as his own blog, Angry Seafood.

We here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty strive to bring you the best political analysis that our collective, and vastly superior minds can bring. As a result, the logical thing to do is to compress the opinions of all 3 of our contributors into one, single, superconcentrated dose of conservative opinion.

We will be bringing this feature on a weekly basis. All participants will get about 50 or 60 words each. Please use as directed, consult your physician if you suffer from heart conditions, or suffer abdominal pain. Normal side effects include dizziness, nausea, and rectal bleeding. This week we cover:

McCain’s New Epiphany on Global Warming/Climate Change

Chris: Is McCain still running as a Republican? I thought he might have joined some hippie third party after hearing that speech. Or Al Gore hooked him up with some cash. If he doesn’t win the general election he gets my vote for Most Pandering Politician of 2008.

Fiar: First, there is no need for a dirty hippie third party. They already have the Democrats. Second, McCain is a maverick. A man of principle, who is unafraid to oppose the conservative base. Even if it’s on every, single, solitary issue. I will welcome our fourth straight Democrat President in November. Whomever that may be.

Les: Maverick, huh. Which definition fits best?

• A Marvel Comic’s Super Hero? Definitely not.
• An unbranded or feral bovine? Maybe.
• A roller coaster ride? Possibly.
• A former Senator who coined the word “Gobbledygook”? Getting warmer.
• A current Senator who use to be pro-choice? Bingo!

I have faith in an old man who can so deftly leap from bandwagon to bandwagon.

Humor-blogs.com did not consult their doctor first.

He Blinded Me with Political Science

If you just happened to stumble upon this article and don’t know who Rush Limbaugh is, then you should probably head back to Google, so you can keep searching for a site with fewer words, that has pretty pictures of butterflies and cute little kitty cats on it.

But before you go, yes, the title to this section is a take-off of the early eighty’s hit tune by Thomas Dolby. Known as a “One Hit Wonder,” Dolby has since made a fortune by creating cell phone ring tones. Who would have thunk?

All right, I’ve done my part. Maybe you’ve learned something today, maybe not. Now get out of here and go find some more mush, to help fill-in the void behind your vacant eyes. That’s right. Go Away. Scat! Humm…scat’s mushy.

For the rest of you, love him or hate him, Rush is a juggernaut, who’s sway cannot be denied. He influences those who agree with him through his insightful views on all things political. And he influences those who hate him by forcing them to defend their mostly untenable positions.

Personally, I listen to him a couple of times a week, because I think he’s funny. OK, he’s right a lot of the time too and once in a while, he does blind-side me with his unique take on a subject.

Like Poetry in Motion

Hillary Clinton was in trouble. Her numbers we’re dropping faster than Bubba’s boxers. What to do? What to do?

With the in-house opposition to the ultra-liberal, Barack Hussein Obama flagging, who was going to ask the tough questions about him? Get his troubling past trotted out into the sunshine? It sure wasn’t going to be the weak in the knees, wimpy Republican Party. That’s for sure.

As most of you know, Limbaugh started Operation Chaos to resurrect the far left, army of bell hops carrying her baggage, Hillary Clinton campaign by asking his devotees to vote for her in their state’s primaries.

The idea was to keep her in the running for as long as possible, so that she would continue asking those questions. You know, doing the jobs Republicans won’t do. McCain is already a shoe-in for the GOP nomination, so there was nothing to lose on that end.

Well, what about John McCain? Won’t he stand-up and throw a few good punches at Obama? Sorry, ain’t going to happen. He’s cast his eyes to the left, looking for the votes of disaffected democrats and undecided moderates. A self professed friend of Ronald Regan, he’s set the Great Communicator spinning like a top, in his grave.

This once great war hero, turned weenie, is afraid to confront Obama because he’s black. Hillary is packing a set of big brass… knuckles, and she isn’t afraid to use ‘em against Obama. McCain, on the other hand, is still rummaging through his dresser drawers looking for his kid gloves.

So there are our three contestants or as I’d like to call them, the Axis of Asininity.

Meanwhile, Rush continues to wax eloquently.

It’s Alive

It’s hard to quantify the success of Operation Chaos, but one way or another, Hillary’s been given a new lease on her political aspirations. She’s not going anywhere until they either nominate her or they have to remove her embedded fingernails from the exit doorjamb at the Democrat Party convention in Denver.

For now, she just keeps running her mouth and Obama stupidly reacts, with typically Pavlovian Responses. While this is all great fun to watch, maybe the best part is listening to the liberals refuting Operation Chaos’s effects. The whole thing’s become a parody of itself. I couldn’t write something this hilarious.

One thing’s for sure, we simply can’t afford to let that “I’ve got more time in the Jon then he’s got in Congress”, velvet toned, misspoken, quasi-socialist, ill-experienced, Enviro-Mental, well heeled, elitist, Chicago-style politician, with all of his radical advisors and mouthy wife, move into the White House. But mostly it’s his mouthy wife. On second thought, she’d be a hoot at State functions.

I can hear him now, speaking to us from the Oval Office (it’s not 3AM):

→ My fellow Americans, This is President Obama, I love that way that sounds. Anyway, I may not have said something as well as I could have. But I want it to be known, that it’s not my fault that they all took it the wrong way. My advisors have informed me that this misunderstanding most likely will be blamed on the spin given to my statement, by conservative talk radio.

I’m leaving right after this broadcast, on my bike, to an emergency session at the UN. There, I will insist upon a tersely worded mandate. It will demand that Russian, China, North Korea, India, France, Pakistan, Israel and…one moment please. Am I reading this right? I am, huh. OK. And Iran, immediately recall all of their nuclear missiles, that they launched 18 minutes ago. Let me repeat. I said nuclear, not nukuler.

This mandate will further require that the I.A.E.A. monitor for strict compliance. Any nation failing to follow it, to the letter, will be subject to stronger wording in the next mandate.

I’d personally like to thank Great Britain for showing restraint by not launching their missiles. On a brighter note, many of these countries do not have ICMB capability, so those nuclear weapons will fall harmlessly on neighboring countries.

I’ll keep you informed as to my progress, through my press sectary, Rosie O’Donnell. Thank you and have a nice day.←

OK, so McCain’s our guy. Right? Not so fast. Look at his record on almost anything other than national defense and he’s no go too. He says he’s for lower taxes but I’m not convinced when I see his take on climate change and fixing the borders.

I think he’s afraid that the lawns at his Arizona place won’t get cut, and even if he still does have a staff, soon it’s going to be too hot for them to grow anything. There may be a sippy cup half full of Kool-Aid sitting around his office somewhere.

His stance on those two items alone, are going to cost us billions every year. It’s got to come from somewhere. Look at it this way, his reach across the aisle approach only means that the Dems aren’t as likely to oppose him, while his party will rubberstamp his idiotic proposals. If he wants it, Congress will likely give it to him, and in turn they’re going to give it to us.

That only leaves Hillary. Hold on there a minute. Am I seriously suggesting that she might be the best choice? No, not really. But some in the know, have suggested that she and Bill have pissed-off so many people in their party, that they might vote against her out of spite. Republicans will have no reason to go along, so it could be, that almost nothing will get accomplished during her one term. In this instance, nothing is good.

We’re dealing with a Progressive here, after all. And remember that their idea of progress is not a forward movement. Oh, yeah one more thing. There’s Nancy Pelosi. She’s not about to play second female fiddle to anyone. Can you say catfight? I’m giving 2 to 1 odds on Nancy.

So, in the end, Operation Chaos could have the unintended effect of seeing the first woman president seated in the Oval Office. The upside is, Bill could retrieve some of his wardrobe. And maybe there’s a side benefit to boot, the government –for the first time in a long time- will be doing the will of the people. Which is to say, leaving us alone.

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