Political Humor

This is the second edition of Political Humor Under Fiar, a brief — and apparently quarterly — roundup of the days current events.

Democrats Keep Dropping Like Flies

The Democrats are working overtime to spin the retirement of Evan Bayh as a win for Liberalism. They’re just not ready to kiss their asses goodbye yet. Bayh is being depicted as one of

“a growing line of pragmatic, find-a-way politicians who are abandoning Washington.”

In some cases he is even being depicted as a conservative, even though he was a through and through, tow-the-party-line Democrat. He could be counted on to vote in lock step with the Party on legislation, but if they were to tell us that, then the story here would be that the Democrats have suffered yet another blow.

Instead, the story is that “The moderate middle is disappearing from Congress.” I’m not sure how that is even a story. All you get from Moderates is useless conciliation that gives us watered down compromises that result in everyone being dissatisfied with the result.

The mantra of the day is “Gridlock.” When Republican legislation is blocked by filibuster, or whatever, it is a Glorious Day. The country is saved, but when the Democrat agenda is foiled, even with the majority in both houses of Congress, it is “gridlock” and if we don’t find a way to ram The New New Stimulus Pork Bill through to passage the country just might not survive, what with the initial 3 trillion dollars being of so much help and all.

Senator Arlen Specter observed that it is easier to raise money for political campaigns when you are on the “fringe” of the party, noting that,

“I have to work a lot harder than somebody who has an ideological base.”

So, to recap, it’s easier to get elected when you have actual principles to campaign on. Who woulda thunk it?

The REAL story of Bayh stepping down is the admission of the fact that government serves no measurable useful purpose. Bayh has reported that he is rejoining the private sector in order to have “Real accomplishments in a real way.” Thus proving the point that the biggest problem with politicians is that they want to be politicians, instead of contributing to society.

In related News, when Democrats don’t retire, they just die. They’re still eligible to vote, of course. First it was Ted Kennedy, and more recently John Murtha died while having gall bladder surgery. According to an AP report on Congressman John Murtha’s funeral

“U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is remembering congressman John Murtha at his Pennsylvania funeral as a friend to men and women in the military.”

A friend to men and women in the military? This would, of course, be the very same John Murtha that said of the Marines involved in the Haditha case,

“There was no firefight. There was no IED that killed these innocent people. Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.”

The charges were ultimately dropped. With friends like Murtha, who needs enemas? Perhaps I’m just being a bitter Pennsylvanian.

King Tut Autopsy

Speaking of dead politicians, DNA testing shows that the famous Egyptian Pharaoh, King Tut, died of malaria. Mosquitoes, which carry malaria, are one of the deadliest creatures on the face of the Earth. Since the time of the hysteria over DDT instigated by Rachael Carson, millions more have died from a common and preventable disease.

Thankfully, technology may be coming to the rescue once more, albeit a few thousand years too late for King Tut. A company called Intellectual Ventures has developed a laser that targets mosquitoes. It’s like Starship Troopers on a miniature scale.

Additional conclusions from the study show King Tut also suffered from an infected broken leg and that he had many health problems due to “genetic deformations caused by the marriage of his father Akhenaten to his sister.” I never knew that Tut was from Mississippi?

That wraps up this edition of Political Humor Under Fiar. Leave words of praise and admiration in the comments section. See you in three months.