Political Humor

Try not to hold back the tears for what I am about to tell you. It will sadden even the alligator heart inside you…

Solar power is having some problems in Arizona.

These are sunny days for Arizona’s solar-energy industry, with photovoltaic panels sprouting up on rooftops and major utility-scale installations planned across the state.

But some see clouds forming.

Land and water issues, including restrictive public-land-use policies and opposition from some environmentalists and neighbors, have stalled some major projects, a report by a University of Arizona law professor concludes.

Lefties opposing other lefties? How dare they go off the reservation. Are they not aware of the consequences for such insubordination?

And just what is at the core of the opposition’s argument?

Some of the most promising large-scale solar technologies – thermal systems that concentrate sunlight to make steam that runs generating turbines – may require too much land and water to be cost-effective and environmentally sound, says UA law professor Robert Glennon.

“It takes a heck of a lot of water, a heck of a lot of land, and we don’t have lot of either; that’s uncontested,” said Glennon, co-author of “Solar Energy’s Cloudy Future,” published in November in the Arizona Journal of Environmental Law & Policy. UA law student Andrew Reeves was co-author.

Oh yeah that. There’s not much water in the desert. They just noticed.

Now if they could get around to noticing these solar panel projects often get funded at 110% of the cost and the contractor bails cause he made his money. Your tax dollars or higher electric rates stimulating the economy.

And notice the co-author. How would you like to be one of these greens all gung ho for these projects only to get blindsided in a study by a college student?

Now, if I can just find the world’s smallest violin. I’m in the mood to play a few renditions of “My Heart Bleeds”.

You thought the ridiculous notion that outdoor grilling contributes to man-made global warming, ahem I mean climate change, was insane? Wait until you hear this one.

PARIS (AFP) – The world’s association of camel scientists fought back angrily on Monday over Australian plans to kill wild dromedaries on the grounds that their flatulence adds to global warming…

The kill-a-camel suggestion is floated in a paper distributed by Australia’s Department of Climate Change and Energy Efficiency, as part of consultations for reducing the country’s carbon footprint.

The scheme is the brainchild of an Adelaide-based commercial company, Northwest Carbon, a land and animal management consultancy, which proposes whacking feral camels in exchange for carbon credits.

Whacking? Is the mafia going to be involved? Instead of Sonny getting killed at the toll booth it will be camels.

Killing animals for carbon credits does not make much sense since the issue is methane. But Northwest Carbon has a fallacy workaround.

Each camel, according to the champions of a cull, emits 45 kilos (99 pounds) of methane, the equivalent of one tonne a year in carbon dioxide (CO2), the main warming gas.

See what they did there? Methane is the straw man so if it is equated to CO2 they can argue it is just as dangerous and worthy of carbon credits.

Of course Northwest Carbon will be very humane in their killing of wild animals to stop global warming, damnit I meant to say climate change.

Northwest Carbon says it would shoot the camels from helicopters or corral them before sending them to an abattoir for eating by humans or pets.

Remember the flak Sarah Palin got for doing the same thing? But this time it is okay because these are liberals killing defenseless wild animals and if we don’t do this the world will catch on fire. Or something like that.

Besides, camels are way less cuter than polar bears.
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UPDATE 8/06/11: The article I quoted from has gone down the memory hole. From here on in I’m taking screenshots of this stuff. Here is another one on the topic.

The climate change alarmists are gearing up for the next scare-tival this week with a round of “discussions” on Global Warming.

I would not marry a bureaucrat. It would take forever to divorce her. The “discussions” would be endless, as well as the paperwork.

Anyway, this week in Bonn, Germany a bunch of moonbats will gather to commiserate over the recent bad news about all this carbon dioxide, I mean pollution in the air:

Despite 20 years of effort, greenhouse gas emissions are going up instead of down, hitting record highs as climate negotiators gather to debate a new global warming accord.

The new report by the International Energy Agency showing high emissions from fossil fuels is one of several pieces of bad news facing delegates from about 180 countries heading to Bonn, Germany, for two weeks of talks beginning Monday.

So how much CO2 did we, the evil humans add last year? 30 gigatons, which happens to be 333,333,334 million tons. Holy crap do they realize that goes completely against the Warmists’ oft-repeated claims of 20-30 billion?

Man, imagine if they also revealed that all our exhaling, driving, bbq’ing, and other fossil fuel-using activities added a whopping .0000056% CO2* in 2010.

We added point zero zero zero zero zero fifty-six percent more CO2 to an atmosphere that clearly cannot handle this kind of dramatic swing in the amount of gases in its system.

The horrors!

We should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing such a travesty to happen. We should be feeling outrageously outrageous outrage like Fatih Birol is experiencing.

Fatih Birol, the IEA’s chief economist, says the energy trend should be “a wake-up call.”

.0000056% Fatih. Not much of a wake-up call. Is the cell phone on silent? And if the phone doesn’t ring should we assume it is the energy trend?

And just in case the “scare the crap out of voters by positioning .0000056% as significant change in CO2 concentration” meme doesn’t work the Climate Changers have a backup: “humans have been screwing up the climate for like forever man“. Whatever floats your boat.

Poor countries say the wealthy West, whose industries overloaded the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and other climate-changing gases over the last 200 years, is not doing enough to cut future pollution.

See what they did there? They took decades of CO2 “pollution” and morphed it into 200 years of planet abuse.

Humans: screwing up the atmosphere since 1811.

*333 mill of CO2 divided into the 6,000,000,000,000,000 quadrillion tons of the atmosphere is .0000056% of the total weight.

Check out Chris Cameron’s other ramblings and satire at his blog Trees Hate Hugs. A water cooler for your browser.