Political Humor

A few months ago John McCain envisioned what 2012 would be like if he was President. I imagine more arguing and menial accomplishments from my government in the next four years but I am being an optimist after all. The best possible outcome is a deadlocked legislature because they can’t screw anything up if they can’t agree what to do.

None the less I did some digging on this story during my writing break and I am proud to announce I have obtained John McCain‘s diary from the future if he were elected. The journal was odd in that it wasn’t day-to-day but rather just when he wanted to make note of something or actually remembered to.

It is a telling account of the world we will live in and what special interest group will make out from a McCain presidency.

2/02/09

“Some are already making claims that I am incontinent. I have begun eating prunes to help combat this perception.”

8/25/09

“Being incontinent cropped up again this week in the news. I’ve asked my press secretary to increase the prune feedings to twice daily.”

1/01/10

“New Year’s resolution: more prunes.”

4/30/10

“Again with the incontinent remarks. I have pooped three times already this month. I do not understand what these people want from me.”

7/02/10

“This is the third time this week the media has referred to my incontinence.”

10/20/10

“Must…get…prunes. Haven’t pooped in a week.”

12/31/10

“Again my resolution is more prunes. Why must the press harp on my incontinence?”

5/20/11

“I signed legislation that will give subsidies to prune and fiber farmers. Showed the country I give a poop about them.”

6/11/11

“I am not leaving the bathroom until I have pooped twelve times, once for each Cabinet member so I can show them who’s incontinent.”

7/01/11

“My press secretary has finally pulled me aside and told me everyone was calling me incompetent.

I’ve cancelled future prune shipments. And I’ve decided to nuke Iran.”

Chris Cameron’s weekly political humor columns magically appear here every Thursday at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and twisted humor at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

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So it is too late for us to ask for a new republican candidate. But if Hillary Clinton can hang around with her chances hinging on some kind of ‘unfortunate accident’ happening to Obama, why can’t we have alternatives to John McCain?

Or should I say McCainatives.

M.C. Hammer

Okay, technically he isn’t a Mc but he belongs here. He could help poor people. One pair of his old Hammertime pants could cloth a family of four. Foreign policy? Dude, he has toured around the world from London to the Bay. I don’t know which bay that is but a lot of countries have them.

President Hammer…Can’t Touch This

Vince McMahon

He’s built the WWE into a huge billion-dollar enterprise. Imagine what he could do as President. Issues could be settled in the ring, like say the Iron Sheik comes back to fight John Cena. If The Sheik loses, Iran can’t build nukes. This would work out until the inevitable day Steve Austin drives onto the White House lawn in a monster truck calling Vince out while asking tourists for a “Hell Yah!”

Ronald McDonald

This one is tough. On the one hand clowns are funny, but on the other hand they scare small children. Thankfully, kids don’t vote. Well not yet but you never know with the liberals in charge of everything these days. Once they pass minor voting laws old Ronald is off the list.

John McClane

A President able to address the terrorist problem single-handedly is someone we could use. He could go into a place where there are insurgents, yell out “Yippie-kay-yay!” and the bodies would hit the floor in methodical fashion.

On a side note I’d love to see a movie where they teamed up Bruce Willis’ character with Chuck Norris’ Col. James Braddock. That would freaking rule. Maybe Braddock could be Vice President?

Doug and Bob McKenzie

What list of McCainatives would be complete without the Canadian brothers that love their beer. I think it goes without saying there will not be a return to the days of Prohibition on their watch. And if anyone gives us crap we can just tell them to take off eh! I know, there is that rule about being born here, but we were ready to repeal that law for the Terminator and he turned into a liberal.

Duncan MacCloud

Of the MacCloud clan.

This is a tricky McCandidate choice. There is no age factor because a Highlander lives forever but he would only be able to serve two terms. Or wait a hundred years and run under a different name or something.

And could the Secret Service deal with all these opposing Highlanders trying to chop MacCloud’s head off? Or what if another Highlander became the leader of a country like Iran or North Korea? That could be interesting.

So don’t tell me the Republican race is over. Not when there are still some great McChoices better then McCain.

Humor-blogs.com is a better McCainative for President then John McCain.

Chris Cameron writes this insane drivel every Thursday here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and strange brand of humor as his own blog, Angry Seafood.

Barack Obama has been officially endorsed by Radioactive Liberty as the 2008 Presidential candidate. That revelation is missing something however. It is important that our readers know who to not vote for as well.

That man is John McCain who I officially non-endorse for President and this is why.

John McCain has had cancer issues

This may seem unfair, but hear me out. We all know someone who has battled the disease and the physical and mental toll it takes. How the hell can someone deal with that and be President?

I can see it now…

“Sir, it’s Iran again.”
“God Damn it. Ok, put them through.”
“Listen Mr. Aja-I don’t care what your name is, I just had a chemo session and I’ve already puked five times this morning so your deal to avoid sanctions better be f^^king good.”

John McCain is a white male

It just isn’t trendy to elect a white male anymore. People are into ethnicity these days, and different kinds of genders, like transsexuals and metrosexuals. The Democrats love those two groups, by the way, because of their indecisiveness inability to deal with the fact that they are homosexual. It’s easy to sway someone’s opinion when their own sense of self worth is all across the board.

This is why John McCain sounds like a Democrat. He’s trying to position himself as ethnic and hip to pander to the votes of minorities.

John McCain is really old

Maybe it is a testament to the fact we live longer. As our life expectancy has increased so has the age of our leaders. Back in the ancient world, countries and governments were run by teenagers. Imagine a bratty sixteen-year-old with anger issues as President and you can see why history is so full of wars and conflict. But you don’t want to go too far to the other end of the age scale either.

John McCain was in The ‘Nam

I saw Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket. People did a lot of drugs over there in the Vietnam War and a lot of Vets are nuts, thanks to the lack of mental health help from the government. They fought a war that was so messed-up even the name was weird: a ‘conflict’. It also didn’t help getting treated like a losing soccer team when they finally came home.

For all we know, McCain could suddenly snap at a press conference yelling something about some guy named Charlie coming to get us. Then he grabs one of the secret service agent’s guns and runs into the closet.

So this election, vote with your heart and if you have to pick a man with the letters j-o-h-n-m-c-c-a-i-n in the name at least write-in this guy…

Chris Cameron writes this guest post of political humor every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty and also assorted oddities for his own blog, Humor by Angry Seafood.

Humor-blogs.com does not even know who’s running for President. But you can vote for the funniest blogs. Not really but go there anyways.

Yes, I know it’s actually John McClane that was the Die Hard character, but that’s just how we roll at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. Yippee Kay-ay motherf^^ker.

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